They don't want to come to our house!

[Blueswirl]

My sister lives overseas and comes over for a few weeks in the summer. It's the highlight of mum's year and we arrange our holiday etc so we can see them. She packs in a lot in but prioritised mum's and my Birthdays, or so I thought! I booked a table for mum's and bought a big cake to have back at hers afterwards but when I told her the arrangements for mine she said they might not be free! DH booked a table for 9 and she only confirmed the day before and said they were too busy to come back to ours after for Birthday cake!

AIBU to feel a bit miffed? My kids were looking forward to playing with their cousins too.

How old are your children and how old hers?

Just do the cake at the restaurant while everyone is there. Is there a specific reason you want everyone back at yours for cake?

AIBU to feel a bit miffed? My kids were looking forward to playing with their cousins too.

quite telling that your response is to be “miffed”. Rather than sad or remotely willing to try to think why.

Out of interest

when was the last time you visited her?

Christ. I wish people would read the OP’s posts.

She’s probably got a lot to fit in especially if her partner has family and friends in the UK also. The lunch is the main thing. Have a lovely birthday!

She “told” her the arrangements and the sister said she didn’t think she’d be able to make

Why five posts, @Floppyear? Were you falling over yourself to lay into the OP? 😂

If your dc are disappointed at not playing with her dc, how about inviting the dc back for a play to be picked up by mummy and daddy early evening. Win all round.

You told her the plan
she said she wasn’t sure she could make it
and confirmed less than 24 hours before

You didn’t ask in the weeks between telling her the plan and 9pm the night before?

Well, I don't know what's gotten into everyone today but OP no, I don't think you're BU in the slightest. Wanting to celebrate your birthday with your sister is not unreasonable, especially when you've planned and agreed it in advance (which you clearly did).

Your DS is coming over for a "few weeks" and all you've asked is for her to spend one day with your DM and another with you for your respective birthdays. I really don't feel that it's a lot to ask - especially when you've previously been given the impression that your birthdays were prioritised as an engagement and already in their calendar!

I've been the person travelling home before, and was for many years. Yes, there's a lot to fit in and you can't do it all. But it sounds as if it's not a quick week or two flying visit and two days out of several weeks doesn't sound like much of an imposition. I can't imagine not wanting to properly celebrate my brother's birthday with him! I'm sorry you've been made to feel like an inconvenience. A formal meal in the restaurant is lovely but hanging out at home afterwards with a bit of cake really rounds the day off, I think. Especially when there are cousins who can play with each other.

The only caveats I would add to all of the above is if your DS is staying a considerable distance from you/your DM. How far away will she and her family be staying? And how long are they actually staying for?

Are you sure your DS isn't making excuses and there's some other reason she doesn't want to come to you?

I’d be interested in the age gap between these cousins

@ConfusedByThisShit

Wanting to celebrate your birthday with your sister is not unreasonable, especially when you've planned and agreed it in advance (which you clearly did).

It is also not unreasonable to not want to celebrate your sister’s birthday in the precise way she has told you it will be celebrated when you are visiting for a short period of time with a lot to fit in

I mean I’d be having cake at the restaurant personally I don’t think I could be arsed with the venue shift twice over.

But the plan was a meal at a restaurant. OP sprung the birthday cake idea to her sister on the day / at the meal, which is not enough notice!

Your DS is coming over for a "few weeks" and all you've asked is for her to spend one day with your DM and another with you for your respective birthdays.

But it’s every sodding year, when the sister lives abroad. Maybe the sis wants to celebrate someone else for a change?

That's not the case, I am used to being sidelined so am probably sensitive about it!
We have young children who have never been on a plane before and its a very long plane ride, but we will visit again when they are older.
I will make sure I enjoy the lunch and their company.

**

I am used to being sidelined so am probably sensitive about it!

and here comes the drip

So big age gap between the children?

She set aside 2 afternoons for our birthdays, they expected me to make arrangements, lunch doesn't take long so the cake etc was just for afterwards.

I do sympathise that you're sad about not seeing much of your sister - but instead of being annoyed, try and see it from her viewpoint too.

She has a few weeks to see everyone - your family, her partners family, her friends, his friends and the DC's friends (if they lived here before they moved) - it's a lot to fit in, especially if everyone is spread around all over the country.

It's also incredibly draining to spend three weeks solid travelling between family members and living out of a suitcase. You have the same conversations over and over again, and end up spending most of your annual leave sitting in someone else's house.

You also say you've never flown out to visit her - so there's even more pressure on her to fit in while she's here as she knows it'll be another year before she sees everyone. When we flew to visit family we often didn't manage to see everyone - but we tried really hard, even if just ended up being lunch, because we knew it would be another year or two before we got that chance again.

You’re used to being sidelined but you won’t answer what you do for sister’s birthday?

Do you not think it’s unfair that it’s your birthday that gets celebrated every year in her holidays?

They are only here for a week or 2 and you are expecting them to do a repeat party (different birthdays but same people) which is too much.

Next time they are over or you to them, just do a massive party where everyone is invited and all birthdays celebrated.

Then a quality time day where you get to have a proper chat.

So a party day and a quality time day, anything more than that is a bonus

Wrong choice of words! They expected me to make arrangements for both afternoons and as I said before, lunch is quite quick so I thought the invitation back to ours for the rest of the time might be nice.

Could you change it to a restaurant with a wacky warehouse type place so the kids can at least play together?