Husband slept through daughters first birthday celebration

[Mimsymumsymoo]

This is a long winded one sorry in advance.
So today we planned a small party for my youngest daughters 1st birthday. We decided to celebrate a few days early as her birthday is midweek and her dad -my husband- works away during the week and was not meant to be home. He came home early hours friday morning and weng to sleep as he works nights. Later that evening he decided out of the blue that he was going out with friends for a few hours as being away in a hotel all week gives him "cabin fever". I was okay with this and encouraged him to have a good night, reminding him not to stay out too late or drink too much as we had plans the following afternoon, he agreed and ensured me hed be home by 2am the latest. 3 am rolls around and he strolls in, but decides he isnt tired enough for bed so he is going to stay up for "a bit". Fine. Whatever. We have plans for 2pm he can still get a decent amount of sleep and attend. He ended up going to bed at 10 am this morning and when i woke him at 1 to say hes got an hour to get ready, he moaned,rolled over and went back to sleep. I tried to wake him several times before saying f this and just taking our children to his parents, along with the cake i made the night previous and gifts for the party. We have loads of fun at the party and return home around 7. I get the girls to bed and start cleaning the house while he lounges on the sofa watching reruns of a show on Netflix. He then says to me "are you going to strop all night?" I say i think im allowed to be annoyed that you missed the first birthday celebrations that were planned specifically so you could attend.all he had to say back to me was "if im not tired i cant make myself go to sleep, its not my fault i slept all day. I feel like ive wasted the day in bed". Which to me sounds like poor me im tired feel bad for me. So my question is AIBU to be seriously annoyed that he missed the celebrations to spend the day in bed?

Drugs that you don’t know about. Immature and foolish. Didn’t think for one second about his daughter’s birthday. He had no intention of making an effort to attend.

Some say it’s all your fault Op. Of course you should have scheduled the party for 3 am when he’s done a fresh line of coke. How dare you awaken such a hardworking giant of a man after his drunken all nighter and then a nightcap of 7 hours of what? gaming or what in the world is he doing for that long. I have insomnia myself and what he’s done is not due to that, he brought this on himself by staying out all night and wasting whole morning acting foolishly, nothing to do with working evenings.

Bin.

Don't assume he takes drugs because if he works nights his body clock will be all over the place.

However, he should have made himself get up for the birthday celebrations!

He did coke definately

I can see both sides.
I think working nights really messes with your body clock - I hated working nights
He missed his daughter’s birthday- I’d be upset too

And you know this and can substantiate your assertion
or usual mn hyperbole and pick yer phrase bingo

I don't think he did coke. I think he's just a cunt.

Oh sorry - let's be fair. Poor, hardworking cunt who must never be reproached or expected to do any actual parenting because he has a job AND a penis.

He’s a buffoon however one looks at it.

Does he work evenings or the graveyard shift, Op? If the former, he’d be going to bed by 2 am, if the latter then he gets a tiny bit of slack as 10am is about the latest he’d go to bed, that’s three hours to decompress and unwind.

But he had a whole day off before birthday party, he chose to go to a different party, probably with booze and drugs and who knows what else to keep him busy for hours and hours, like 6-8 hours (evening 7 or 9pm-3am). That’s ridiculous.Then 7 more hours of gaming or tv or whatever it is he did. Bozo.

What a selfish dickhead!

Not sure what thread you're reading but it certainly isn't this one.

Ha ha I’m not a man. In fact a mum and stepmum of five. Organised baby shower with DH’s ex wife for DSD tomorrow. Which I think is a sign of a well functioning blended family. I have a senior job and have both sat up all night with kids and worked away all week. I know which I’d rather do and it’s not working nights and living in a hotel. Too many silly young mums on here who shout ‘leave’! And ‘he’s on drugs!’ At the first hiccup. Yes, OP’s husband was selfish and silly but goodness me the over-reaction. The baby is one! Not a single photo of my dad at my birthday parties as a child - it’s not what mattered. He was a solid loving provider. ( I miss him for all the things he did do, not those he didn’t) …Which I think OP’s husband probably is, 99% of the time. He cocked up, so what ! Perspective is required.

My XH slept through our DSs 1st bday party. It was at his mum's. He was extremely hung over from his friends wedding the night before.

He was the butt of jokes and the laughing stock for years because of it.

I'm sure karma will work it's magic for you too OP.

Working nights is irrelevant. He picked going out and staying out late over his daughters birthday party, that was a choice he made knowing what was arranged for the next day.

I'd be furious.

I don't get this first birthday thing that happens now.
I don't think we did it my now grown up kids.
It's really for the parents, isn't it? (you get a medal for surviving the year!)

He was selfish. And childish.
Do you know where he was?
How old is he?

Is this out of character?

If this is a pattern, I'd not have had a child with him, but if it's one off I might forgive if he showed some self awareness and apologised I might eventually let it go. But not another chance, ever.

Why does a night out have to mean 6 or 8 hours to some people? That is utter bonkers. He could have gone for an hour or two. I don’t get how people can go drinking for hours and hours. Makes no sense, sitting there for seven hours? Why? No conversation has to go on for that long. I’m sure the subject matter isn’t that riveting.

Absolutely agree with @Hibiscrubbed
also love the name 😁

He’s been a dick so yanbu for being annoyed. If it’s a one off, you’ll get over it, but tell him it’s not on and you need a minute to process. He put a night out with mates over his daughter - not nice.

No, I’d be cross too, I was calling for perspective. OP wanted to share her annoyance, she doesn’t want people telling her he’s a drug addict and to leave him. I’d be annoyed if my husband missed a seven year olds party but a one year old who has no clue….

My partner works nights.
I am a really shit sleeper.
We both still manage to show up for our kids in the everyday, never mind the special occasions! You caffeine up, you get over yourself and you sleep later.

OP you are NOT being unreasonable.

We should be trying to change those expectations though because it should matter. Fathers need to be more than just the 'solid loving providers'.

It shouldn't be on mothers to not only arrange everything but also be the person who always has to be there. A mother would absolutely be judged if she wasn't in any of her children's birthday parties growing up.

It isn't silly to expect more from men. Far from it.

An inconsiderate man child

Really happily married actually with five kids and stepchildren . Jointly arranged DSD’s baby shower tomorrow with her mum. Who gets on with her ex, my lovely husband who works all hours for us all…. And guess what? He paid maintenance well over the odds for his kids and has a great relationship with them and their mum as do I . I’m godmother to my other step daughters child. I’m just a grown up! I know what real abuse is and this isn’t it …. It’s the overreaction on here that is amusing me. I’m just giving another view point. To those jumping to the conclusion he’s on drugs! I’d be annoyed too, but leaving him is so silly . He shouldn’t do it again - that’s all.

The party was at his parents house and he didn’t come?? What did his parents say?? This sounds so strange 🙄 Your child’s birthday party is such an important thing to be at!!

He was coked up to his eyeballs by sounds of it

no I did read that and it’s annoying but some of the reactions on here are really over the top. As usual.