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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband slept through daughters first birthday celebration

327 replies

Mimsymumsymoo · 05/08/2023 20:30

This is a long winded one sorry in advance.
So today we planned a small party for my youngest daughters 1st birthday. We decided to celebrate a few days early as her birthday is midweek and her dad -my husband- works away during the week and was not meant to be home. He came home early hours friday morning and weng to sleep as he works nights. Later that evening he decided out of the blue that he was going out with friends for a few hours as being away in a hotel all week gives him "cabin fever". I was okay with this and encouraged him to have a good night, reminding him not to stay out too late or drink too much as we had plans the following afternoon, he agreed and ensured me hed be home by 2am the latest. 3 am rolls around and he strolls in, but decides he isnt tired enough for bed so he is going to stay up for "a bit". Fine. Whatever. We have plans for 2pm he can still get a decent amount of sleep and attend. He ended up going to bed at 10 am this morning and when i woke him at 1 to say hes got an hour to get ready, he moaned,rolled over and went back to sleep. I tried to wake him several times before saying f this and just taking our children to his parents, along with the cake i made the night previous and gifts for the party. We have loads of fun at the party and return home around 7. I get the girls to bed and start cleaning the house while he lounges on the sofa watching reruns of a show on Netflix. He then says to me "are you going to strop all night?" I say i think im allowed to be annoyed that you missed the first birthday celebrations that were planned specifically so you could attend.all he had to say back to me was "if im not tired i cant make myself go to sleep, its not my fault i slept all day. I feel like ive wasted the day in bed". Which to me sounds like poor me im tired feel bad for me. So my question is AIBU to be seriously annoyed that he missed the celebrations to spend the day in bed?

OP posts:
VariantHela · 05/08/2023 20:41

My husband would never have missed our daughters 1st birthday.

He sounds like a selfish bastard.

Clefable · 05/08/2023 20:43

This obsession with dad being at everything winds me up

Well why shouldn't they be at everything? Mums are expected to be. I wouldn't expect my husband to miss one of our children's birthday parties, nor would he ever dream of it unless there was something unavoidable. My dad routinely missed my parties cos he just didn't want to be there, and let me tell you, we are not close and kids do notice and care.

FirstDayOfHoliyays · 05/08/2023 20:43

"Darling. You are probably my daughters age. And I will say to you what I would say to her. Men like this don’t change. No man worth his salt would miss his daughter’s birthday. Start to prepare mentally to leave this marriage."

Patronising as fuck 🤣

HaIIie · 05/08/2023 20:45

Obviously no one reading that he's a night shift worker! My DH wouldnt touch drugs and is like this trying to regulate himself. BUT, he would never act like a dick and miss such a thing. He would power through tired and then go back to bed. He's a selfish fucker.

GrumpyPanda · 05/08/2023 20:46

Meh. It's a first birthday, your kid won't be traumatized. I've lived places where first birthdays are never, ever celebrated (big party when they turn 2.)

Your dh works shifts, that's got to play havoc with his sleep patterns and he won't be able to switch them around easily. Although drinking obviously doesn't help.

Sailingthissummer · 05/08/2023 20:46

He missed his baby’s first birthday op, not because he was working but because he was out partying to 3am!!

I can’t believe you are questioning yourself op. What kind of father is he to miss such an important milestone? Was he not sad to miss everything? He is totally, totally checked out op.

Protect yourself, your interests and finances. This man does not appear to be remotely invested in you or his children.

HermioneKipper · 05/08/2023 20:47

He missed his child’s birthday party 😱

Ask yourself this - would you ever dream of missing your child’s birthday celebrations for anything less than a VERY good reason.

we all know the answer to this.

what a prize knob

drpet49 · 05/08/2023 20:48

HedgehogB · 05/08/2023 20:39

Has no one read the part that he works nights and is away all week? I don’t think he’s an arse he’s exhausted working for his family. Being in a hotel all week is shit I can tell you, so is working nights. Im on the fence here. Yes he should have got up for the party that was rearranged around him but he’s a human not a cash cow. What one year old remembers dad being there. This obsession with dad being at everything winds me up! And I’m the first to moan if DH doesn’t do his share but why torture your poor knackered hard working husband for the sake of appearances. So he stays up, attends the party then crashes his car out of exhaustion on Monday - what then. I’m am similarly irritated by mums who wake working dads for the night feed. Shoot me down.

This

PinkPlantCase · 05/08/2023 20:48

He’s away all week, sounds like he’s pretty used to checking out of family life.

Guessing he didn’t see all of the behind the scenes effort that you put into it all and didn’t really understand how important it was.

Whadda · 05/08/2023 20:49

What a prick of a father your poor child has been lumbered with.

PinkPlantCase · 05/08/2023 20:50

drpet49 · 05/08/2023 20:48

This

Show quote history

Oh look we’ve found the men on the thread.

This was his daughters birthday party. OP didn’t want him to get up to watch the kids so she could go for a jolly. It literally happens once a year.

LivingitLarge · 05/08/2023 20:50

What did his parents think when he didn’t bother turning up?

Toottooot · 05/08/2023 20:51

LovelyJubbly12345 · 05/08/2023 20:41

Darling. You are probably my daughters age. And I will say to you what I would say to her. Men like this don’t change. No man worth his salt would miss his daughter’s birthday. Start to prepare mentally to leave this marriage.

🙄🙄🙄

Lapflop · 05/08/2023 20:51

This obsession with dad being at everything winds me up! And I’m the first to moan if DH doesn’t do his share but why torture your poor knackered hard working husband for the sake of appearances

What the fuck, hopefully you have some standards in real life! OP arranged something for the weekend so he wouldn't miss out on celebrating his child's first birthday in the afternoon- time to have a rest even if not a long sleep as nights do mess your sleep pattern up. The poor knackered hard working husband managed to muster up the energy to go out with his mates (the poor soul what a hero) so I'm sure he could have managed an hour or two with his family.

OP as you say it is out of character it's good you've spoken about it but personally I wouldn't be harbouring anger about it or the like.

JANEY205 · 05/08/2023 20:53

I don’t know anyone who would act like this. A PP is right that other women have to function on no sleep and so I don’t feel sorry for him. I wouldn’t have chosen to go out like he did and I bet you wouldn’t either OP. He acted like a dickhead and then had the cheek to be sassy to you? No.

almostoverthehill · 05/08/2023 20:56

Do you really need to ask 🤷🏻‍♀️

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 05/08/2023 20:57

Why do these bloody men father children and have families they don't seem to want? Utterly pathetic.

Stressedafff · 05/08/2023 20:57

HedgehogB · 05/08/2023 20:39

Has no one read the part that he works nights and is away all week? I don’t think he’s an arse he’s exhausted working for his family. Being in a hotel all week is shit I can tell you, so is working nights. Im on the fence here. Yes he should have got up for the party that was rearranged around him but he’s a human not a cash cow. What one year old remembers dad being there. This obsession with dad being at everything winds me up! And I’m the first to moan if DH doesn’t do his share but why torture your poor knackered hard working husband for the sake of appearances. So he stays up, attends the party then crashes his car out of exhaustion on Monday - what then. I’m am similarly irritated by mums who wake working dads for the night feed. Shoot me down.

Pick me, love me, choose me

How dare a woman moan at a selfish twat man

CClaire · 05/08/2023 20:58

Class A’s, 100%. I’d be livid!

Clymene · 05/08/2023 20:58

Drink, drugs, who cares?

He's prioritised them over you and his kids. What a fucking loser.

What did his parents think? I'd be so ashamed of him if he were my son.

Whitecup24 · 05/08/2023 20:58

If not cocaine then ever worse - he really doesn’t give a shit about the birthday party. Awful.

Pressthespacebar · 05/08/2023 20:58

He’s obviously been doing coke, no one stays up til 10 on alcohol alone 😆

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/08/2023 20:59

What a complete waste of space. Bin him while she is young enough not to really have a relationship with him.

Stressedafff · 05/08/2023 20:59

Sick of hearing about how these good for fuck all dads have it so hard because they work
They work, come home then their day ends

They're only ever too tired to do anything with their kids or their partners. Have all the energy in the world for their friends and their own hobbies, strange that

almostoverthehill · 05/08/2023 20:59

HedgehogB · 05/08/2023 20:39

Has no one read the part that he works nights and is away all week? I don’t think he’s an arse he’s exhausted working for his family. Being in a hotel all week is shit I can tell you, so is working nights. Im on the fence here. Yes he should have got up for the party that was rearranged around him but he’s a human not a cash cow. What one year old remembers dad being there. This obsession with dad being at everything winds me up! And I’m the first to moan if DH doesn’t do his share but why torture your poor knackered hard working husband for the sake of appearances. So he stays up, attends the party then crashes his car out of exhaustion on Monday - what then. I’m am similarly irritated by mums who wake working dads for the night feed. Shoot me down.

None of that though excuses him of speaking to the OP like a piece of shit.

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