Husband slept through daughters first birthday celebration

[Mimsymumsymoo]

This is a long winded one sorry in advance.
So today we planned a small party for my youngest daughters 1st birthday. We decided to celebrate a few days early as her birthday is midweek and her dad -my husband- works away during the week and was not meant to be home. He came home early hours friday morning and weng to sleep as he works nights. Later that evening he decided out of the blue that he was going out with friends for a few hours as being away in a hotel all week gives him "cabin fever". I was okay with this and encouraged him to have a good night, reminding him not to stay out too late or drink too much as we had plans the following afternoon, he agreed and ensured me hed be home by 2am the latest. 3 am rolls around and he strolls in, but decides he isnt tired enough for bed so he is going to stay up for "a bit". Fine. Whatever. We have plans for 2pm he can still get a decent amount of sleep and attend. He ended up going to bed at 10 am this morning and when i woke him at 1 to say hes got an hour to get ready, he moaned,rolled over and went back to sleep. I tried to wake him several times before saying f this and just taking our children to his parents, along with the cake i made the night previous and gifts for the party. We have loads of fun at the party and return home around 7. I get the girls to bed and start cleaning the house while he lounges on the sofa watching reruns of a show on Netflix. He then says to me "are you going to strop all night?" I say i think im allowed to be annoyed that you missed the first birthday celebrations that were planned specifically so you could attend.all he had to say back to me was "if im not tired i cant make myself go to sleep, its not my fault i slept all day. I feel like ive wasted the day in bed". Which to me sounds like poor me im tired feel bad for me. So my question is AIBU to be seriously annoyed that he missed the celebrations to spend the day in bed?

So Fucking what??
I work nights. 4 a week. I have NEVER missed my kids birthday.
The bar is on the fucking floor. It’s not about the op, it’s about her kid. She is 1 now, at some point she will be 5, 7, 10? And know her dad is not there and doesn’t give a shit about her birthday.
Why are standards for men Fucking abysmal when it comes to parenting? Depressing.
OP I would be fucking furious. You seem to be defending him? He is pathetic, I’d hate to be married to a man like this.

I’d be upset about this too, it’s selfish behaviour. He chose to go out, he chose to stay up even later that way he’d be tired during the day. He chose to miss the party and stay in bed all day. My dh regularly works nights but would get himself up for an event.
He doesn’t understand the big deal, you’ve been sympathetic towards him needing a break and getting out but he knew that plans and still chose to miss out on this, pretty unfair to you and your children.

My ex-husband would sadly

He prioritised his needs above the needs of his family. Working away and working nights isn't an excuse. He's just a selfish person. It's all about what he wants and needs. I'd be furious. What a let down of a man and father.

This ^^

Dh works night. Has done for years. Still manage to be present in his children's lifes. Sometimes he only manages some hour sleep before getting up to be present at something but then we help as a family to make sure he gets some sleep later. But he would never miss a birthday ect.

Definitely this!

Don't be ridiculous!!

My exH got blinding drunk at DC1 first birthday and had to be put to bed by our friends at 6pm. Didn't get any better and now we are divorced. Good luck.

So he went out with his mates, having been working away all week, took a fuck ton of gear (most probably) went to bed late morning, completely missed his daughter’s first birthday party and is now giving you shit about it?

I’d not forgive that. Ever. I don’t give a shit that she’s only one and doesn’t really ‘get’ it, he has shown himself to be a complete failure of a father. Total prick.

Are you really naive?

Lol @Hibiscrubbed

No love. I'm not! I'm up til gone 10 when I'm on nights too

Don't touch drugs though. What an odd reasoning

He wasn’t hard done by he had an amazing night out plus plenty of opportunities to then sleep. Possible shift work meant he could then not sleep (although seems quite unusual that someone out all night drinking didn’t just conk out) but that’s not the ops responsibility. If he’d been out all night working and not partying then this would be a fair comment.

My dad worked 12 hour night shifts sometimes 6 nights a week he still took us to his mums house most Saturdays (usually by taxi because he hadn't slept) he would power nap there get us back home in time to spend time with my mother go out with his friends Sunday daytime once he even drove us to Blackpool to see the lights and still made it to work he managed to be a part of family life despite being a "night shift worker" as an adult he took me to hospital after working a full shift napped in the chair went back to work that night

He was a parent

Do you mean when you finished at 6/7/8am or the day after that?

This is something my dp would've done. infact he's missed most of the dcs parties. he's got up to see the dc open their Christmas presents on Xmas morning once in 15 years! he's just not interested in stuff like that. The kids have never mentioned being bothered by it. I must admit his lack of interest has seriously pissed me off over the years and I cannot understand how any parent doesn't want to see the look on dcs faces whilst opening gifts etc. but he's just not like me and maybe it's a man thing. I must say my dad was the same had no interest in my birthdays or Christmas so I've not expirenced men being any different.
Dp will participate in family days out etc though.

When do you actually see this man? He’s away all week and sleeps all day?

does he have another family?

he sounds fucking gross either way

He is Away all week earning money and staying in hotel. He’s financially providing in a role That job compels he work away and works shifts
So it’s tricky and why he’s tired and keen to see mates after a week working away. However he should have been available and able to mingle & socialise at his daughter party, as a father as a partner

The people on here who think it's ok to miss your child's birthday, raise your standards. Not for you, for your kids.

@Nicknacky yes, the day after sometimes. It's not always easy to sleep

I was up until 8 this morning on alcohol alone and I don't work nights

He's a dick though, plenty of people work nights and don't miss their child's birthday party

I do nightshift, have done for 21 years. Never one have I stayed up til 10am the day after I have came off nightshift and no one I know at work has done that either.

it’s another nightshift without being at work

I love all the “must be doing drugs” comments.
If anyone who made this comment, needs to read the post all the way through.
Newsflash! He’s been working nights! It screws your sleeping patterns up. Literally you end up like a zombie for 48 hours when your routine changes from nights to days. Nothing to do with drugs, your body clock and brain are out of synch.

He's a selfish prat.

When you've been working nights it's normal to not be able to sleep - nothing to do with drugs.

I come off night shift and purposely only have 3 hours sleep so I can hopefully sleep that night. Normally I'll still be awake at 4/5am as that's what my body is used to.