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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When i'm God..........

137 replies

HollyRocks · 04/08/2023 23:06

When i'm God..........

..............I will give tinitus to anyone who hangs wind chimes in their garden which can be heard by their neighbours. And this tinitus will sound like a homemade wind chime made from saucepan lids and hung out on a really windy day.

......and i'll give a really high pitched squeaky voice to any man who mansplains, or who tries to talk over a woman when she's speaking.

OK, i feel better now.

So that's the really important stuff sorted. Anyone got any requests for what else i should do?

OP posts:
HappiestSleeping · 04/08/2023 23:08

Remove tinnitus from those who don't have wind chimes please?

And stop people hogging the middle lane?

Ta 👍

Original poster
HollyRocks · 04/08/2023 23:29

Not sure i can stop everyone from doing annoying things but i do really like the idea of handing out punishments. So maybe make them breakdown/long wait for the AA/expensive car repair every time they do it.

I'll put it on my list.

OP posts:
TotallyKerplunked · 04/08/2023 23:55

Make anyone who has left their dog crap behind be put in prison and forced to eat it (its a fantasy I have when playing "dodge the poo" on school runs).

Oh and put volume controls on all kids, especially mine 😫

Siouxiesiouxiesioux · 05/08/2023 00:02

Please God, can you remove all the horrible trolls from MN? Thanks in advance. Amen.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/08/2023 00:03

Here's a little tweak I'd definitely do

m.xkcd.com/1763/

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2023 00:20

get rid of my tinnitus and give it to the old man who swears at my kids on the bus, please

BreadInCaptivity · 05/08/2023 01:26

Can you ensure it never rains when I put the washing on the line please?

Also, I'd be grateful if you could inspire someone to invent "replicators" as seen on the Star Ship Enterprise, so that instead of me being pestered to "magic" up food all day/evening they could stand in front of a machine and voila - any meal/snack/beverage of their desire was available on speaking to it (preferably with some parental controls on healthy eating eg "you've had your biscuit ration for today but I can supply a banana" or "no i cannot replicate pizza more that once a week but if you want Italian I can magic up a lovely lasagna with a side salad").

WeetabixTowels · 05/08/2023 01:29

Can you please make sure that anyone who either

  • Walks through a busy town centre whilst staring down at their phone, or
  • Walking through a busy town centre walking forwards but looking backwards
Endures double pain for when they bang into people? Quadruple pain if they proceed to look affronted that they banged into someone, even though small children understand it’s not clever to not look where you’re going.
Doingtheboxerbeat · 05/08/2023 02:44

Ooh there was this excellent episode of the old Red Dwarf that had a kind of prison that dealt instead karma - if someone punched you, they would feel it . I like this 🤗.

TotallyOutingName · 05/08/2023 03:08

Could you also do something to people who think it's acceptable to play loud music almost every night. It's gone 3am and they're still going. Fuckers.

Oh and fix my back ache please.

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 03:50

Punish women who are over friendly with married men 🙏

autienotnaughti · 05/08/2023 03:54

Ban being on hold to companies and incompetent call centre staff

thelengthspeoplegoto · 05/08/2023 06:25

Snobby people. Can you make it that when they're in their 'posh' company that they have unavoidable squeaky farts, stinky ones. They must escape before the snobby bint is able to leave the room. Thanks Grin

TheCyclingGorilla · 05/08/2023 06:31

I'm in Rome so could you give all the street peddlers here a nasty bout of norovirus so they aren't on the path blocking my way and trying to sell me water/a parasol/a fan? Thanks.

DrSbaitso · 05/08/2023 06:34

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 03:50

Punish women who are over friendly with married men 🙏

Punish people who hold women responsible for what married men do. And every other iteration of "women are responsible for what men do".

Sorry, I know it'll take a long time, but it's worth it.

Seymour5 · 05/08/2023 06:43

Doingtheboxerbeat · 05/08/2023 02:44

Ooh there was this excellent episode of the old Red Dwarf that had a kind of prison that dealt instead karma - if someone punched you, they would feel it . I like this 🤗.

I’d like that to work on people wearing backpacks on public transport please! I got clouted round the head along with a couple of other passengers the other day, and not for the first time.

Tlolljs · 05/08/2023 07:08

People that open packets wrongly just rip cereal boxes open why don’t you?
People that open a new one of something when the same thing is already open!

autienotnaughti · 05/08/2023 07:46

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 03:50

Punish women who are over friendly with married men 🙏

Or maybe stop men from cheating on their partners?

Women are not responsible for men's behaviours

Beargrumps22 · 05/08/2023 08:17

do something to those annoying customers in my shop who get everything out poke and prod everything complain loudly about what i havent got then leave without buying leaving me to clean up the mess
also something for all the lying cheating slime balls out there ie men

Hawkins009 · 05/08/2023 08:24

Speed up the development of technology so that humanity is a type III civilization on the Kardashev scale

Howtohideasausage · 05/08/2023 08:29

Someone’s already said about dog shit. Mine was that it would magically fly through the air and be driven into the owner’s face.

People who drop litter, similar punishment.

Ohyousillydivvy · 05/08/2023 08:29

fullbloom87 · 05/08/2023 03:50

Punish women who are over friendly with married men 🙏

And punish married men with thunder bolts and lightening who flirt and have affairs.

Ohyousillydivvy · 05/08/2023 08:32

Ohyousillydivvy · 05/08/2023 08:29

And punish married men with thunder bolts and lightening who flirt and have affairs.

Show quote history

Also the same punishment for men who are in relationships but not married.

Squirrelsnut · 05/08/2023 08:34

Re: dog poo karma. My personal preference is that the offending dollop disappears and rematerialises on the dog owner's pillow. Or in the middle of their living room.

LifeofBrienne · 05/08/2023 08:35

I’d like, please, a hologram lie detector that hovers above politicians’ heads and produces a bright red neon LIAR sign at appropriate moments. I’m wondering whether a DELIBERATELY MISLEADING response would also be useful.