When i'm God..........

[HollyRocks]

When i'm God..........

..............I will give tinitus to anyone who hangs wind chimes in their garden which can be heard by their neighbours. And this tinitus will sound like a homemade wind chime made from saucepan lids and hung out on a really windy day.

......and i'll give a really high pitched squeaky voice to any man who mansplains, or who tries to talk over a woman when she's speaking.

OK, i feel better now.

So that's the really important stuff sorted. Anyone got any requests for what else i should do?

Wouldn't that be unnecessary since they are always lying?

I know, punish people who chew with their mouths open by giving them extremely dry mouth so that they start closing their mouths

@Valeriekat All of them lie some of the time, but only some of them lie all the time! I’m old enough to remember when ministers deliberately lying in Parliament used to be a big deal.

Richie uses it in Bottom.

”I couldn't believe that nurse - all I said was "Hello, have you seen 'The Singing Detective'?" and she twatted me with a kidney dish!”

”ATTACK, CHERUBIM!” Those words fill me with fear @midlifecrash Far more than they should. The stuff of nightmares.

Thanks @TrainspottingWelsh but I don't really want to be chief god, i'm much better as part of a team and there's a lot of you who have shown that you're just as capable. And i really don't want to go back to working full time anyway. And at what age can a god retire? Now I'm thinking this wouldn't be such a good career choice. Maybe i've overreached myself. Maybe it's a job for someone younger?

And what would happen if you let a menopausal woman loose in a job like that? Mood swings! Brain fog! Tendency to burst into tears at random moments! This is really not going to end well.

I will wish tinnitus on anyone driving around with drum & bass blasting out. My tinnitus sounds just like someone is driving two streets away with it on.

Anyone who steps into someone's personal space vanishes to a pile of dust.

Testify!

Our mother who art in heaven,

Could you please spontaneously combust all psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists and egocentric humans. & in case you miss anyone after this sweep please extend that to all supporters of Trump, Johnson, Sunak, Truss, Daily Mail readers, misogynists, people who harm animals for pleasure, climate saboteurs and Brexit voters.

If you could also reserve a special punishment for the individual who has strategically placed broken glass around my local badger sett I would be forever grateful. Having them dance barefoot on broken glass for eternity should suffice.

No need to keep on top of any heavenly maintenance as you will have created it here on earth.

Can you please speed limit the car of anyone who tailgates and hassles other drivers to break the often unnecessary 20 mph speed limit in London 🙏🏻 yes it is annoying as hell but there are speed cameras everywhere … and I just don’t want the fine and speed school or points. Thanks!

Make men's todgers flaccid for a month if they even think about straying 😉