Splitting the bill - ended up paying 3x my consumption

[Jyas]

Not an AIBU but more a WWYD…I’m in a hobby group and about every 2-3 months we treat ourselves to a nice dinner. There’s usually 8-10 of us and we always split the bill. It’s normally around £50 per person. This week we went to a restaurant which was more on the upper end of what we usually go for. Mains were £25 - £45. We all chose our food, but when ordering, the waiter managed to talk 3 of us into trying ‘the chefs special’. This was a rather elaborate and unusual dish, he didn’t mention the price but I would have thought it would be between £55-£60 at least from the description. When the bill came, they realised that it was over £90. The 3 offered to take one bottle of wine out of the total and share it between them to make up for their expensive dish.
In the end we paid £110 each and they paid £125 each. However, my main was £25 and plus drinks (i only had one water and one glass of wine from the shared bottle, others had much more to drink, and most had a starter but i didn’t). I would have paid around £40. So I ended up paying 3x as much.

We all really don’t mind if we pay a bit more than we consumed and we regularly go out eating together so things balance itself out. I was aware that the bill would be split and I was happy to do as usual (before knowing what their dish costed) so I couldn’t really say anything and I just paid, but I feel that £40 compared to £110 was just too big a difference on that occasion.
Would you have said anything, even tough everyone knew in advance that the bill would be split?

Not specifically, sorry, AppleTurnover, I was agreeing with your post to Tiddly who posted a completely different and irrelevant scenario. There's quite a few posters who do that - jump in to assert that they don't do that in their group because <completely different arrangement>.

Does Debrett's have a link to twat

No, that's fine. I didn't want you to think I agreed with Tiddly.

I was with my extended family. We have never picked over who has had what specific dishes. There is usually an even spread of orders.

We've been caught out like this. You take it on the chin but it hasn't happened again. Make some boundaries a limit or only pay your share with a tip. This situation can be a bit messy set boundaries

In future OP I would just say ‘ I only had one drink mind if I take mine off the main bill and everyone else can split’. For the most part I’m ok to split but I go through phases of not drinking (usually health and saving money) and if I’ve not drunk any booze and others have I usually do this. If they are good friends they would understand!

I would have asked for an itemized bill and paid for what I ate and drank. Nobody minds paying a tenner over but you paid an a lot more.

Since you brought up Debretts, you seem to be focusing on a very small part of that page.

It also says the following:

"If you are dining in a group where everyone is paying, try and ensure that diners are ordering the same number of courses and comparably priced dishes. It helps if one person takes charge and makes this explicit at the beginning of the meal."

"...If there are gross inequities, for example one person ordering the lobster while everyone else is happy with fish and chips, then it behoves the extravagant diner to make a gracious gesture…"

Pretty clearly, ordering dramatically more expensive items when the norm is to split the bill and all order similar value meals is outrageously rude behaviour!

Tedmullins 🤣🤣🤣🤣, exactly this!!!

Had this experience pretty much every time I’ve eaten in a large group - to be honest it’s just put my off doing it at all. I don’t drink so find the fact people expect to have their alcohol subsidised quite rude. If I ever order more than the rest of the party I always always state that I will pay a larger share. Those who don’t do this, are either so privileged they have no awareness or are fully aware and taking advantage of the other guests. When I do go out with a large group I just expect that it will happen; it’s very difficult to quibble if everyone else is saying ‘yes let’s split it!’

I had friends like this and I'd be always paying twice what I had, thanks to their alcohol bill.

Perhaps easier as it was usually lunch and they'd want to linger afterwards but I started to leave earlier. That way, I could go up to the bar and pay for what I had from the bill (plus a tip). Saved an awkward conversation and I didn't have to subsidise their choices.

If it's ever me on the more expensive side, I insist I pay my share as I'm not having my friends paying more than they need to.

I think it is poor form that one of the 3 diners didn't realise that paying £125 for a £90 main meal, plus starters and drinks was way off kilter.

I think in a large group no one maybe realised you had so much less than all the others. I wonder what the average of the other diners was.

The restaurant should have been telling people what the price of the main special was since it was double what the top price was of mains on the menu.

I'd love to know what the £90 meal actually was and if it was worth it!

Defo, maybe an extra 20 quid to help them as a favour but x3 no they're taking the pee and they knew they were as it is such a high amount I woudl leave my bit ont hr table and then say my goodbyes wish them a pleasant evening what's left of it and make my way home.

Then up to them to text you and ask why u left so suddenly. U would have left with no drama and they'd respect u more and woudlnt try it again

Looking at the debretts guidance though, if it’s decided that you are splitting the bill then everyone should order roughly the same. The people who got the specials here messed up but sounds like it was a mistake but the op also went against the norm by not having a starter and less drink whereas it sounds like she normally would have joined in on the starter and drinks. I think the specials people should have put in an extra 50 each and the rest split with the op then taking some hit which hopefully evens out another week.

I had friends like this and I'd be always paying twice what I had, thanks to their alcohol bill
That's because they're cheeky fuckers though.

Bill splitting works when everyone is in the same spending range and it evens out over time. Only cheeky fuckers who want to eat the most expensive food and drink lots more alcohol than everyone else don't understand this.

I think you need to say something next time, like because your payment was so much more than what you consumed, you'd like to pay just for what you have from now on. It was wrong of those who had the chef's special or lots of wine to take advantage of the bill splitting like this. At best it's thoughtless - at worst it's CF behaviour.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12373553/I-pay-140-split-bill-friends-restaurant-meal-40-fight.html

Similar happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Met with 4 other friends from uni. Not seen 3 in over 2 decades and didn't know one. One had 2 starters, side and main. Two others ordered extra sides. I had a starter and main with water. They all had cocktails and the one who had two starters had two cocktails. Lo and behold she was the one who spoke up first when the bill came that it should be shared.

I just thought, where does anyone have two starters and then you protest the bill be shared. I made a mental note not to ever attend such with her again.

Why didn't you say I will lay for what I had as I wasn't drinking and only bad started and main

Yes, this is what most people do if they are in a group and it's clear that there are one or two not drinking alcohol or only having a main etc. they usually pay first (mainly by asking) and then split the bill. No one bats an eyelid.

I think in this particular instance it was just a case of the chefs specials ramping up the bill. But I don't understand the maths. How much were the specials if EVERYONE paid £110??

I think that next time you go out you can say at the start 'can we be careful with our bill or I won't be able to split because last time I ended up spending 3 times as much, or am I able to pay for just myself today?'

I wanted to especially as I knew the two items I had but there was service charge on top + tip, so I just let it go. I won't share a bill with here anymore though.

That’s just appalling. I’m sorry you experienced that.