Splitting the bill - ended up paying 3x my consumption

[Jyas]

Not an AIBU but more a WWYD…I’m in a hobby group and about every 2-3 months we treat ourselves to a nice dinner. There’s usually 8-10 of us and we always split the bill. It’s normally around £50 per person. This week we went to a restaurant which was more on the upper end of what we usually go for. Mains were £25 - £45. We all chose our food, but when ordering, the waiter managed to talk 3 of us into trying ‘the chefs special’. This was a rather elaborate and unusual dish, he didn’t mention the price but I would have thought it would be between £55-£60 at least from the description. When the bill came, they realised that it was over £90. The 3 offered to take one bottle of wine out of the total and share it between them to make up for their expensive dish.
In the end we paid £110 each and they paid £125 each. However, my main was £25 and plus drinks (i only had one water and one glass of wine from the shared bottle, others had much more to drink, and most had a starter but i didn’t). I would have paid around £40. So I ended up paying 3x as much.

We all really don’t mind if we pay a bit more than we consumed and we regularly go out eating together so things balance itself out. I was aware that the bill would be split and I was happy to do as usual (before knowing what their dish costed) so I couldn’t really say anything and I just paid, but I feel that £40 compared to £110 was just too big a difference on that occasion.
Would you have said anything, even tough everyone knew in advance that the bill would be split?

You didn't say which way your voting was!!
So I voted Yabu purely because you just say there and paid it.
Then start a mn post complaining to strangers when you should have been telling them AT THE TIME how much you were going to pay.
There are so many posts like this no wonder the c.f. Get away with being so,few people have a backbone any more.

Split the bill fairly. I have a couple of groups I regularly go out with (10 of us). Most of us drink, a couple don’t, two are small eaters and regularly just have a starter and then one is not flush with cash. I drink and eat large.

Myself and another lady just split the bill for everyone - so easy to do as we all have a calculator on our phones. We note who had what then split the cost of the drink by how many of us drank and add a 10% tip to everyone’s final tally. Sounds complicated - it’s not - takes 2 minutes and everyone is happy.

Ime people who split the bill are the ones who consume the most. Cheeky fuckers happy to share other people's money. People don't order the same drinks/amount of food/courses.
If I go shopping with a friend I don't pay for half of her clothes choices and she mine.
We often only have a main course each and a couple of drinks but others will have starters, the most expensive main, desert, bottle of wine, cocktails, shorts, coffees, liqueurs. Honestly apart from anything I don't where they put it all. When anyone suggests splitting the bill we always chuck ours in and say that will cover ours and our tip.
It not hard to ask for separate bills. We have been stung before in the past when we weren't well off and rarely go out in big groups now unless it's adult dc then we're happy to pay for the lot even though they offer.

This ^ 👍

I think I'd be having a word with people individually to try to get some agreement on setting a limit for future meals. It would have been close to £100pp without the specials wouldn't it? Crazy expensive.

I wouldn’t back track on the bill as it has been paid now but what should
have happened when those choosing the ‘special’ discovered the price was that the bill should have been split in two with them paying for their ‘special’ meal & drinks & the rest of you paying for your regular meals & drinks.
I always split bills & pay for my own & my child’s food because I am disabled & unable to work so I literally don’t have the money to pay for others.
I really shouldn’t go out for meals we only do it for family birthdays, so 5 times a year at the most, & I rarely spend money on myself any other time so I allow myself that treat.

It's those arbitrary etiquette rules that mean we don't fart, pick our nose, or talk about intimate medical issues at the dining table. There's a lot to recommend etiquette 😁. On my very first post I suggested doing the research on the restaurant first, before attending. Especially if the agreed set-up is to split the bill equally. As a rule of thumb if you can't afford 3/4 courses on the menu and a bottle of house wine, plus a bit extra (whether you plan to have that much or not) then don't go. Don't agree to splitting the bill in the first place or don't attend, if you aren't going to keep your end of the bargain. TBF the OP paid up so she's not in the wrong or anything by anyone's standards. It's fair enough to be a bit annoyed with it afterwards.

I'm surprised she didn't excuse herself. It is possible to excuse yourself after arriving and seeing the menu, knowing it's too expensive, you'll be splitting the bill and don't even want a lot. I have done that when the menu was different to the one online, and in their wisdom the restaurant had no vegetarian dishes. Even then you excuse yourself with gushing apologies, leaving a note on the table for any drink you may have consumed, and a vague mention of an issue with childcare (or equivalent) because pointing out that the restaurant was a bad choice is very rude towards the person who chose it.

I guess ultimately I don't mind subsidizing the meals of people I like enough to spend an evening with. When it's a meal with strangers or remote acquaintances I always encourage going to somewhere with those set menu/set price affairs that are often paid for upfront and you can go directly to the bar to order drinks or just take the table water. Genuinely surprised that there seems to be such variation in how others do things. To quote The Mandalorian I just though 'this is the way' 😄

Poor you. I think this brings up wider issues than just money. I regularly eat out with friends and we always split the bill but on the rare occasion that somebody wants something out of the ordinary, that person adds additional funds. No need to ask, we all just do it. I cant imagine what sort of people these are that were happy to let their friends subsidise their meal to such a great extent. I am sure you enjoy the hobby group but this incident would really make me think again about the sort of people I'm associating with.

Disagree. Who these days just says yes to a dish without checking out the price?

@MyMiniMetro
It's those arbitrary etiquette rules that mean we don't fart, pick our nose, or talk about intimate medical issues at the dining table. There's a lot to recommend etiquette 😁.

But some rules of etiquette such as this are taken advantage of by cheeky fuckers. .the implications of not following this 'rule' are literally backwards to real life rules, when the one who doesn't want to pay for someone elses food is considered the rude one.

As a rule of thumb if you can't afford 3/4 courses on the menu and a bottle of house wine, plus a bit extra (whether you plan to have that much or not) then don't go

I think that attitude is extremely rude.

pointing out that the restaurant was a bad choice is very rude towards the person who chose it.

I think choosing a restaurant that might be well out of some of the groups budgets is also rude.

There's also the keeping up appearances side and being afraid to speak up (for yourself or others). That's why a lot of people follow those 'etiquette rules' and that's nothing to be proud of, in 2023.

We would have found our way to not picking our noses at the table without those rules 😅

People safe in the knowledge that "oh lets just split the bill!" will mean it wont cost them much at all.

Half a lifetime ago I went on a mum’s retreat and ended up sharing a room with a newbie to our group. It was agreed the room bills (which included meals) would be split between sharers.

When we went to pay the bill was almost twice what I expected and I thought I’d have to just suck it up. (Funds were tight for me too).
Luckily my ‘roomie’ objected, thinking I’d been living it up, and we found we had accidentally been waaaay overcharged.

It’s embarrassing to say something but I learned then it’s necessary sometimes.

Jeez, that’s a phenomenal amount of money to pay for a meal 😱. Speechless. I Definitely think you’re reasonable to say that this is not fairly portioned out at all. It’s a bit obscene to pay £90 for a meal… did it have gold in it or something? 💁😳

In these times, this conversation leaves me feeling sick. £90 for a main dish. Bollocks to that.
why would you suck it up, even once? This sets a precedence for the future, so maybe dig deep and address it now, so it doesn’t arise again. Otherwise this just puts people against each other… those who can afford to pay £90 for a plate of food… and those who can’t. Call it out.

Erm, when it comes to paying £110 instead of the £40 you spent, it really shouldn’t be that difficult to speak up, otherwise what does that say about you? Fleece me?!!! I’m a pushover?!

You say you are close friends and therefore I think backtracking in bill splitting would be fine. I’d point out that it wasn’t just the chefs special but the starter and wine too. Also that you’d have mentioned it at the meal but none of knew how much the chefs special would add to the bill ( make it sound less like they are CF ers and it was more everyone taken by surprise).
In my friendship groups we are all very keen to be as equitable as possible. We split the bill and then end up taking off £5 or adding £10 until everyone gets to close approximation of what they had or are happy to pay.

Amonthinthecountry…. There’s nothing embarrassing about being honest about what you can and/ or are prepared to pay. British politeness goes too far. Honesty is better for your health!

Luckily my ‘roomie’ objected, thinking I’d been living it up, and we found we had accidentally been waaaay overcharged

we had similar! Trying to meet people in a new country and went out with a couple who were absolutely loaded. Agreed in advance with DH we would just relax and go with it, and split (having had a look at menu and prices befor e and it wasn’t crazy crazy prices).

The bill came and it was mega - we were just going to suck it up, but luckily the rich ones checked the bill and pointed out that another table’s drinks bill (about £300) had been added to ours. Phew!

Not your friends. Real friends don't dump on you.

If it had been me having the chefs (expensive) special, I would have it removed from the invoice and paid separately without question.

Somebody would have been told how much it was and it should also be on a blackboard near the entrance or wall.

We used to go out with a couple and their dcs. The woman would always tell the waiter ‘separate bills please,’ straight away. I liked her style.

£90 for one main!? Jesus Chirst. I could take my whole family of 5 out for mains, drinks and dessert and it still won't cost that. Mental!

It is not necessary for YOU to speak up, they all should have and GUESS WHAT, the people who ordered those meals NEW IT WAS UNFAIR and DIDNT SPEAK UP. IT WAS THEIR JOB TO SPEAK UP. My judgement of them is HARSH, So lesson learnt, if it happens again, grab the menu announce mine cost xxx and be ready to tender payment and don't hesitate and do not allow yourself to be upset or embarrassed. I was caught out ONCE not again. Best wishes

People asking how a main course can be £90, I know that most of us don’t live in London, despite what Londoners think, but surely all cities have high end restaurants?
I was in a Greek restaurant in London last week (Milos) and the most expensive main is £150, Cote de Boeuf.

I have a group of friends who regularly eat out together and always used to split the bill, until it became apparent that one friend was always a bit keen to get her moneys worth! She ordered 3 courses, coffee liqueurs and as many G&Ts as she could get away with despite others in the group not drinking. It was hilarious when out one night and the waitress on bringing the bill announced we could each pay individually. Guess who’s bill was the greatest 🤣