Splitting the bill - ended up paying 3x my consumption

[Jyas]

Not an AIBU but more a WWYD…I’m in a hobby group and about every 2-3 months we treat ourselves to a nice dinner. There’s usually 8-10 of us and we always split the bill. It’s normally around £50 per person. This week we went to a restaurant which was more on the upper end of what we usually go for. Mains were £25 - £45. We all chose our food, but when ordering, the waiter managed to talk 3 of us into trying ‘the chefs special’. This was a rather elaborate and unusual dish, he didn’t mention the price but I would have thought it would be between £55-£60 at least from the description. When the bill came, they realised that it was over £90. The 3 offered to take one bottle of wine out of the total and share it between them to make up for their expensive dish.
In the end we paid £110 each and they paid £125 each. However, my main was £25 and plus drinks (i only had one water and one glass of wine from the shared bottle, others had much more to drink, and most had a starter but i didn’t). I would have paid around £40. So I ended up paying 3x as much.

We all really don’t mind if we pay a bit more than we consumed and we regularly go out eating together so things balance itself out. I was aware that the bill would be split and I was happy to do as usual (before knowing what their dish costed) so I couldn’t really say anything and I just paid, but I feel that £40 compared to £110 was just too big a difference on that occasion.
Would you have said anything, even tough everyone knew in advance that the bill would be split?

I think that's shit of the restaurant actually. If mains are between 25 and 45, it's shocking to talk people into a special that's twice the price of the most expensive thing on the menu without mentioning the price in any way

I've been in situations like this before and in the end said I'll have a separate bill for my own. Bit more of a faff for the waiters but I didn't see why I had to pay for everyone's starters, mains, desert and endless drinks when I only had a main and a coke.
Hopefully you don't go to that place again so it isn't to much of an issue

I think for some of the others it wasn’t that big a shock, some other mains were £45 (still half of the chef special though, and yes, that’s indeed £90 each, it was advertised by the waiter in a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity to try this, we don’t usually do this and you couldn’t get it elsewhere’ kind of manner). I think the share of some others would have been close to £100 if they had the £45 main plus starter plus drinks…not that I exactly recall everyone’s order though. I think it was me and maybe 2 others who consumed much less than what they’ve paid.

What was the special?

Agree the special people were CF. My friends split but two of the eight of us tend to drink significantly more expensive wine so we cover the difference.

But I’ll let it go now, in the end we’re all friends and regularly go out for food, this never had happened before…I was just wondering if backtracking on splitting the bill is acceptable in that case (although I would find if hard to speak up anyway)

But you see, I’ve done this and my friends HATE it. They always say how they don’t like ‘quibbling over the bill’ and prefer to just split it.

I’ve been in so many situations where I’ve had to pay almost twice as much as I’ve eaten and drunk to cover people’s steaks/wine and been sniffed at when I complain that now I just don’t go out for meals with friends. Sad but true.

So they realised that they had increased the bill significantly, but instead of offering to actually cover it, they just ninnied around paying a couple of quid 'for the wine' knowing they were sticking their 'friends' with an eye-watering bill?! Why on earth did they offer to share the wine between them instead of ponying up for the fancy food they ate? Was there not a 'wow - that was expensive' conversation when the bill came?

I completely understand the awkwardness of bringing up the disparity in bills, but I cannot fathom how that doesn't translate for those eating something so expensive and then brazenly expecting everyone else to pay for it!

If it’s something you always do and enjoy it and can afford it then carry on.

Why don’t you order something expensive next time for yourself?

Also how much was the total bill?

Goodness! Usually I think people are being a bit tight and cringey, going through a bill and totting up just what they've had. I'd say this is a different matter though - it's not a fiver here and there between friends, where one or other of you has the slightly more expensive meal every time so it makes no odds. It's a massive difference! I think the friends who ordered the expensive meal either have the maths skills of a three year old, or else are very cheeky! Hopefully they'll realise this when they get home and offer to reimburse everyone.

Not the point of the thread but what was the main that cost £90?

If it was £90 each then yes that is shit of the restaurant (albeit no one should order a dish they don’t know the price of) but I can’t believe they only took off a bottle of wine! If I had been them I’d have been mortified and insisting on covering every penny. How did they think a bottle of wine made up for the fact they’d added £270 to the bill between them?

Your friends are dicks then. If they don't like quibbling over the bill, then you paying separately shouldn't be a problem - no quibbling, no fuss. What they really don't like is not being subsidised by unwitting non-drinkers who won't reduce their bill by splitting under the pretence that they think it's 'fair' or that talking about money is vulgar. Sponging off your friends and trying to shame them into putting up with it is more vulgar and classless than any money chat could ever be.

I think you let it go now but next time say

”I was a bit shocked last time as I ended up paying £110 when my bill was only £40. It doesn’t matter now, but I think going forward I’d like to split bills. Does everyone want to do that or shall I just take mine out before you split it? Of course I’ll contribute to the tip.”

I think there’s a lack of understanding about other people’s finances too. They all earn a lot more than me and have two incomes — I’m a single parent.

They wouldn’t think twice about paying £40 when they’ve only actually consumed £25, but it’s a big deal for me as I have to budget very carefully.

Yes, I'd have said something. I'd have offered a bit more than my meal however I'd have made my thoughts clear by saying "I haven't budgeted for this. I dont mind subsidisinga bit, but not £80! Here's £30 for my share plus £20 for the kitty."
I can't see that anyone could argue with that. I think you need to stress that you're overpaying by an extra £20....like you do most times.

I’ve had it as the only non drinker with multiple bottles of wine and cocktails that would have doubled my share. Luckily one of the drinkers called an even split unfair and we all paid our own. I was the only one who rounded up. Those who’d wanted the even split in their favour paid to the penny

I need to know what this main meal that costs £90 was.
Ive never been somewhere so expensive so I can’t even begin to imagine other than massive steaks maybe?
Steak braised in angels tears?
Unicorn steak?
How the other half live eh, that’s 3 weeks of food shopping for me, teenager and a cat.
Hope they enjoying it anyway and no op you are not wrong to be a bit miffed.

The ones who ate the expensive meals should have paid their way. Next time bring £60 with you and when splitting the bill explain you’ve only got enough to cover your food. It’s a lesson learnt. Seems very unfair and strange that non of the decadent eaters paid their meal

I had similar OP, but not the same financial disparity as you.

Next meal out- I'd order the lobster for yourself. Next meal out- I'd just pay what you've eaten.

it sounds like it was a genuine case of being caught on the hop (rather than anyone deliberately trying to pull a fast one).

Yes, at least they don't sound like the seasoned bill-splitters, who will fill their boots at everybody else's expense and then try to shame and criticise them when they object; but surely you would ask the price of the special, wouldn't you? I mean, it's obvious that the waiter isn't just strongly promoting it out of a genuine concern for the customers' culinary experience?

Oh my, that's crazy.
I'd be upset too.
Might be good to ensure you'd only pay your part from now on.

I'm from Yorkshire therefore stereotypically tight so would have just exclaimed "how much?!!" when the bill came and paid the amount that corresponded to what I'd consumed (light hearted)

This. They should have covered their food. Ridiculous.

the last time i went out for a group dinner, the decision was made to pay for what we had individually when the bill arrived and someone had only had a starter and no alcohol and the shared bill was significantly more than they had consumed. One person was apoplectic over it and said if she knew she had to pay for what she ate, she would have ordered much less. It was ridiculous as she was furious she had to pay for what she ate as she expected everyone else to subsidise it. It was pure greed too.

The people who ordered the expensive special should have immediately said they would cover their own in full.

If I were you, on this occasion I would have spoken up because the difference was so large. Anything that involves me paying and additional 50% over my own consumption is unreasonable even when the give and take of bill splitting is taken into consideration.