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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting the bill - ended up paying 3x my consumption

523 replies

Jyas · 03/08/2023 22:16

Not an AIBU but more a WWYD…I’m in a hobby group and about every 2-3 months we treat ourselves to a nice dinner. There’s usually 8-10 of us and we always split the bill. It’s normally around £50 per person. This week we went to a restaurant which was more on the upper end of what we usually go for. Mains were £25 - £45. We all chose our food, but when ordering, the waiter managed to talk 3 of us into trying ‘the chefs special’. This was a rather elaborate and unusual dish, he didn’t mention the price but I would have thought it would be between £55-£60 at least from the description. When the bill came, they realised that it was over £90. The 3 offered to take one bottle of wine out of the total and share it between them to make up for their expensive dish.
In the end we paid £110 each and they paid £125 each. However, my main was £25 and plus drinks (i only had one water and one glass of wine from the shared bottle, others had much more to drink, and most had a starter but i didn’t). I would have paid around £40. So I ended up paying 3x as much.

We all really don’t mind if we pay a bit more than we consumed and we regularly go out eating together so things balance itself out. I was aware that the bill would be split and I was happy to do as usual (before knowing what their dish costed) so I couldn’t really say anything and I just paid, but I feel that £40 compared to £110 was just too big a difference on that occasion.
Would you have said anything, even tough everyone knew in advance that the bill would be split?

OP posts:
greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 22:17

I would have said look I know we usually split but moneys tight and I can't justify spending £110 when my share was only £40.

Approaching · 03/08/2023 22:19

It’s very easy to sit here and say “of course you should have said something!” But it’s a lot harder to actually say it. I think I would have said something, but I’ve got a lot more thick skinned in the last few years, five years ago I definitely would not have. It would have been tough for them, but it was their responsibility to check the prices.

Dombasle · 03/08/2023 22:20

Always agree at the beginning that you want a separate bill.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 22:21

Approaching · 03/08/2023 22:19

It’s very easy to sit here and say “of course you should have said something!” But it’s a lot harder to actually say it. I think I would have said something, but I’ve got a lot more thick skinned in the last few years, five years ago I definitely would not have. It would have been tough for them, but it was their responsibility to check the prices.

This is true. Its only been the last couple of years I have had the confidence to speak up

Dacadactyl · 03/08/2023 22:21

It would very much depend on how well I knew everyone in the group and how much money I had at the time.

If I was having an expensive month and knew everyone well, I'd have said "I hope you don't mind but I'd prefer to just pay for what I had, given how much dearer some of the mains were. What does everyone else think?" Then hopefully someone else will agree and they'd split the bill more fairly.

If I didn't know everyone well or had money to burn that month, I'd probably let it go. But I'd probably follow up with a WhatsApp group chat message before the next meet up saying something along the lines of "I intend to come along to the meal, but this time I'm just going to pay for what I order"

Amonthinthecountry · 03/08/2023 22:22

greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 22:17

I would have said look I know we usually split but moneys tight and I can't justify spending £110 when my share was only £40.

I’d like to say that I’d say this but I’ve been in this situation before and was just too embarrassed as I didn’t know the group very well.

Createausername1970 · 03/08/2023 22:23

It's difficult when you get caught on the hop. Not sure there is much you can do now, but going forward, when the next meal is organised I would be stating my case - I can't afford to sub anyone else's expensive choices, so I am still happy to come but I will pay for what I eat and a contribution to the tip.

I bet no-one else was happy with the size of the bill either.

coodawoodashooda · 03/08/2023 22:23

greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 22:17

I would have said look I know we usually split but moneys tight and I can't justify spending £110 when my share was only £40.

Perfect

TidyDancer · 03/08/2023 22:27

Absolutely no way could I have just sucked that up and I'm very passive with this kind of stuff normally. That's just too much of a difference.

The people who were daft enough to agree to an unknown priced meal should've had the decency to pay for what they actually had on that occasion.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 03/08/2023 22:27

I wouldn't have said anything no. I would have been reeling though 🤣. It sounds like an extreme case compared to normal though....

Next time make sure you have a starter and order your first choice regardless of price.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 03/08/2023 22:30

Createausername1970 · 03/08/2023 22:23

It's difficult when you get caught on the hop. Not sure there is much you can do now, but going forward, when the next meal is organised I would be stating my case - I can't afford to sub anyone else's expensive choices, so I am still happy to come but I will pay for what I eat and a contribution to the tip.

I bet no-one else was happy with the size of the bill either.

I'd be tempted to say this but probably wouldn't for fear of coming across as passive aggressive. Next time just say I'd love to join but I can only afford £40 this month so will order accordingly.

DarkModeDear · 03/08/2023 22:31

I can’t believe their cheek at just paying the bottle of wine! Once the bill came and they realised how much theirs cost they really shouldn’t have expected to still split the bill.

I probably would have been too shocked to object though tbh.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 03/08/2023 22:31

God I hate posts like this, because it highlights how poor I have always been because, despite how polite I am, I have ALWAYS said I will pay my own share plus tip. I can't allow being short of money to happen because everybody else is having expensive wine/ steak and dessert that they can afford .

Original poster
Jyas · 03/08/2023 22:32

I wish I’d had the courage to say something…I’m not great at standing up for myself.

Yes, I guess I should go for a starter next time, I just wasn’t very hungry. And I usually drink more than 1 glass, although not as much as the others…it stings even more because my share would have been so low on that occasion, if my share was £80 I’d just have sucked it up without much thought.

OP posts:
CorporaINobbyNobbs · 03/08/2023 22:32

£90 for a main course??? And they only paid £15 extra?

Duchessofspace · 03/08/2023 22:36

I once went and everyone ordered cocktails and literally ramped it up - and was drinking alcohol - I was driving and recovering from hospital and split was like a £100 and mine was £20 and I simply said - I’ve gone mega light as I’m driving everyone and if it’s ok - I’ll pay mine before you all split as mine was just a starter. No one minded.

ThereIbledit · 03/08/2023 22:37

I'd say something now."Didnt realise this at the time but I ended up paying £110 for a £40 meal. Anybody else get home to realise similar? I think it's because of those specials. I know it's a bit awkward and we were all caught unawares so nobody to blame, but can we sort this out so that those of us who only had £40 of food aren't left so out of pocket?

Backstreets · 03/08/2023 22:38

Bit cheeky of them to allow the rest of the group to pick up the slack honestly

Freepo · 03/08/2023 22:40

Sorry if I’m missing something but £90 between them or £90 each? Assuming between them, then that’s only £30 they’ve each spent on their main isnt it?

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 03/08/2023 22:41

When out with friends, if one of us has an extra cocktail we will automatically say we won't split this time, which gets ignored because it's like 3 quid extra. Big fan of splitting the bill, it's just easier, blah blah blah but in this instance - absolutely not. That's just too much of a difference.

It was the height of CF-ery for the 3 of them not to fully cover their very expensive meal, and I think you're probably not the only one sat at home wondering how the hell you've just been stung for a huge amount.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/08/2023 22:42

To be honest I would not have expected the situation to arise because I would expect the people who had the chefs special to immediately say that they would pay their bill separately. That’s what a decent person would do. It may have been unexpected to them but they shouldn’t expect other people to pay for their mistake in not enquiring.

Yes I would have said something but I’m old and not willing to put up with a lack of manners like this any more. I do recognise how difficult this is for many people though

TweetyMcTweetFace · 03/08/2023 22:43

@ThereIbledit that's a great text. I'd send that!

Rainbowqueeen · 03/08/2023 22:43

Great message @ThereIbledit I’d send that now

WimpoleHat · 03/08/2023 22:44

i think the ones who’d had the more expensive food
really should’ve offered to pay more at the time - but it sounds like it was a genuine case of being caught on the hop (rather than anyone deliberately trying to pull a fast one). If you go out as a group regularly, I’d leave it on the basis that these things generally even out over time.

forgivingfiggy · 03/08/2023 22:45

If it's at the point where people are splitting the cost of a bottle of wine to add to the split bill to make it more 'fair', I don't see why people can't quickly tot up roughly what they ordered and split the wine between those who drank it. But I understand it's difficult to suggest.

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