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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting the bill - ended up paying 3x my consumption

523 replies

Jyas · 03/08/2023 22:16

Not an AIBU but more a WWYD…I’m in a hobby group and about every 2-3 months we treat ourselves to a nice dinner. There’s usually 8-10 of us and we always split the bill. It’s normally around £50 per person. This week we went to a restaurant which was more on the upper end of what we usually go for. Mains were £25 - £45. We all chose our food, but when ordering, the waiter managed to talk 3 of us into trying ‘the chefs special’. This was a rather elaborate and unusual dish, he didn’t mention the price but I would have thought it would be between £55-£60 at least from the description. When the bill came, they realised that it was over £90. The 3 offered to take one bottle of wine out of the total and share it between them to make up for their expensive dish.
In the end we paid £110 each and they paid £125 each. However, my main was £25 and plus drinks (i only had one water and one glass of wine from the shared bottle, others had much more to drink, and most had a starter but i didn’t). I would have paid around £40. So I ended up paying 3x as much.

We all really don’t mind if we pay a bit more than we consumed and we regularly go out eating together so things balance itself out. I was aware that the bill would be split and I was happy to do as usual (before knowing what their dish costed) so I couldn’t really say anything and I just paid, but I feel that £40 compared to £110 was just too big a difference on that occasion.
Would you have said anything, even tough everyone knew in advance that the bill would be split?

OP posts:
Echio · 03/08/2023 23:47

Gah apologies for crazy typing in my post above! If you can understand you get a gold star.

Before I started waffling I meant to say I think it was really bad of the restaurant not to say the price!!

Itsbritneybitch22 · 03/08/2023 23:47

What was the chef’s special out of interest.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 03/08/2023 23:49

Don't be tight, pay for yourself tonight.

It's shit to split.

Fair's only fair if the fare is fair.

"Don't be a nobster; YOU pay for your lobster!"

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 03/08/2023 23:52

I don't think it acquits them here at all, but I wonder if the friends who had the Chef's I Saw you Coming Special meal might have felt like they were encouraged to do so by the others and thus almost (in their own minds) felt like they were 'taking one for the team'.

Of course, they were stupid not to ask the price before ordering; but I bet they were just as horrified to see how much the bill was when it arrived.

X6hfyib4ms · 03/08/2023 23:55

I don't think I could ever forgive the 3 that expected you to subsidise their foolhardy choice.

I've been to Michelin star restaurants where the main was nowhere near £90 so I can see where they got caught out but that was their fight to have with the restaurant and I think it would have been fair for them to take up.

Nothing you can do now. Just chalk it up to experience.

The only thing you can do next time is to grab your bill a bit early if you've not had a starter and loads of drinks etc and just pay that.

I've grabbed my bill early before and paid on the way back from the loo when I've seen everyone else is on the 5th glass of wine and I'm driving. Then just leave with an excuse knowing I've definitely more than paid my way plus a decent top etc.

AhNow123 · 04/08/2023 00:00

Hell’s bloody bells, what form of rare delicacy was priced at 90 quid??! Was it seared unicorn?!?!! I can’t sleep until I know

phoenixrosehere · 04/08/2023 00:02

This is why I usually pay for what I order and don’t give a toss if people think I’m mean-spirited.

I would never want or expect people to pay so much more money when they shouldn’t have had to due to my own mistake. Any place that offers a meal without mentioning a price or doesn’t have it listed somewhere usually means it’s likely expensive especially in upscale establishment. Any group that would think I should, I wouldn’t want to be in.

Soggysoggydew · 04/08/2023 00:05

Approaching · 03/08/2023 22:19

It’s very easy to sit here and say “of course you should have said something!” But it’s a lot harder to actually say it. I think I would have said something, but I’ve got a lot more thick skinned in the last few years, five years ago I definitely would not have. It would have been tough for them, but it was their responsibility to check the prices.

Yes this.

I think the onus was on the people who ordered the stupidly expensive dish to make sure they paid the extra or not to be so profligate in the first place when they knew it would be a shared bill.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 04/08/2023 00:07

@Talkwhilstyouwalk : "Next time just say I'd love to join but I can only afford £40 this month so will order accordingly."

I think this is good advice.

SlowlyLosing · 04/08/2023 00:08

I'm not sure id normally say anything but...

they realised and acknowledged that their food had REALLY pushed it up and rather than paying they just knocked off a bottle of wine. That's different to just automatically splitting the bill. And that's the time to say something.

I'd be surprised if those people don't feel rotten now. They were probably caught out and didn't want to pay so much but didn't think it through. We're any of them suggesting they would pay but then someone said to pay for the wine?

I hate this stuff. Happy to split the bill so long as no one is taking the piss.

SunRainStorm · 04/08/2023 00:08

I really want to know what the £90 main was.

@OP please come back and tell us!

DysmalRadius · 04/08/2023 00:09

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 03/08/2023 23:49

Don't be tight, pay for yourself tonight.

It's shit to split.

Fair's only fair if the fare is fair.

"Don't be a nobster; YOU pay for your lobster!"

😂😂😂

I've gone all 1920s

I won't split the bill so don't be a pill.

You're a ghastly heel if you don't pay for your meal.

OnTheBoardwalk · 04/08/2023 00:14

£90 is a massive cost for a main. I regularly spilt costs but I often get a steak and offer to pay the supplement but get told no as it evens out cos I don’t do starters

the £90 main people though are really taking the piss they should pay £50 at least each

Furore · 04/08/2023 00:15

I can't imagine going out with a group of friends and ordering something disportionately more expensive than the rest of the group, and then expecting them to pay for it. I think though for example, if you go to a steak restaurant, you have to have steak, rather than lasagne, because that's what the expectation would be. I often try to hold for fixed price menus in this situation. You could try going to an Indian restaurant, and sharing all dishes. Personally, I think those people that ordered the special, took advantage.

DysmalRadius · 04/08/2023 00:15

I'm not sure how I'd handle it, but I can say if I was one of the £90-ers and hadn't been told it was £90, I'd be as shocked as the OP. They may not have chosen it knowing that. So, they did get the benefit but it wasn't knowingly so - in some sense it's fair that shock is absorbed by the team because they were all in the same boat - anyone could have done it, and to get lumped by that single-handedly is a raw deal when you didn't know?

I'm sure if any of them had said 'Shit - I'm so sorry - I had no idea it was going to be that much and I wouldn't have had it if I'd known as I really cannot afford it', then the OP and others would probably have been more inclined to help out. But half-acknowledging the massive price by fudging the numbers with a bottle of wine and glossing over the massive disparity in the split instead of actually asking the group to absorb some of the cost is just a wanky thing to do. They relied on taking advantage of the others' good nature/unwillingness to look 'stingy' by pretending that they didn't realise how unfair it was, when it must have been absolutely crystal clear why the bill was so high.

transformandriseup · 04/08/2023 00:19

God I hate posts like this, because it highlights how poor I have always been because, despite how polite I am, I have ALWAYS said I will pay my own share plus tip. I can't allow being short of money to happen because everybody else is having expensive wine/ steak and dessert that they can afford .

This is me also but my friends are all in the same income bracket so we all know we will be paying for ourselves.

blacknredsweeties · 04/08/2023 00:19

£90!!!! What??? That doesn't include a starter or drinks either???

I think £60 for a meal out for a family of 4 is a lot!!!

What was this restaurant?

Barleysugar86 · 04/08/2023 00:28

Poppyseed14 · 03/08/2023 23:41

I'm another one who needs to know what this £90 delight was OP!

I used to work with a CF who at a works dinner one time asked the group at the time of ordering whether we were going to be splitting the bill or paying for what we were each having as that would influence what he ordered. Imagine asking that! 😳

Any possibility they were thinking they'd go less expensive if it was being split? If I know my work is paying or a group is splitting I'm careful to choose middle of the road drinks and dishes and not get sides or a starter unless that matches what everyone else is doing.

Adarajames · 04/08/2023 00:30

I rarely drink so won’t split a bill as I’d always be the one out of pocket and I’m way too poor for that!

Mind you, I’d also have called out the 3 people who ordered the stupidly expensive dish and then got out of paying their fair share, I’m rather blunt and happy to speak out, and no way would I have allowed that piss take!

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 04/08/2023 00:32

Why did you agree 2 split the bill like that?

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 04/08/2023 00:39

I've gone all 1920s

I won't split the bill so don't be a pill.

You're a ghastly heel if you don't pay for your meal.

Don't be a cad, pay for what you had.

Don't be a rake, pay for your steak.

Oi, nincompoop! I only had the soup!

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 04/08/2023 00:51

Any possibility they were thinking they'd go less expensive if it was being split? If I know my work is paying or a group is splitting I'm careful to choose middle of the road drinks and dishes and not get sides or a starter unless that matches what everyone else is doing.

I doubt it, somewhat. It wouldn't be difficult to just say "I always like to push the boat out and go crazy when I have a rare opportunity for a meal out, so I'll just pay for all that I have, instead of being part of splitting, as I'd hate to think of anybody else ending up subbing my very full boots!!"

Come on, we really need to know what this £90 'special' was; my guess is it's exactly the same as the £30 fillet steak meal, but there's three times as much!

Also, with the bottle of wine that they offered to take off the split bill and pay for separately - it makes a very big difference whether it was a 1971 Petrus or a bottle of Blue Nun from Oddbins Grin

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/08/2023 01:17

Namddf · 03/08/2023 22:58

But you see, I’ve done this and my friends HATE it. They always say how they don’t like ‘quibbling over the bill’ and prefer to just split it.

I’ve been in so many situations where I’ve had to pay almost twice as much as I’ve eaten and drunk to cover people’s steaks/wine and been sniffed at when I complain that now I just don’t go out for meals with friends. Sad but true.

Show quote history

Yeah because if you "quibble" over the bill, they have to pay for what they ordered instead of some other mug (you) paying for it!

I would and have, responded with....."You dont like quibbling but I dont like paying for other peoples food and booze so I will pay for myself and you can argue it out between yourselves". These days I just say up front "I dont eat much so I would rather order individually" and ignore the "oh why, lets just split it later". They cant actually make you do what they want!

And guess what, they will either never ask you out for dinner again because they realise that you are not a walkover, or they will apologise and treat you for the next couple of meals as an apology. And you get to learn who are your real friends.

SunRainStorm · 04/08/2023 01:18

The real villain here is the waiter who hoodwinked them into choosing an overpriced main without disclosing the exorbitant cost.

The three who had the £90 meals should have paid for their share, but I can see how they were also on the back foot. It's not like they planned it.

How much was the bottle of wine?

BreadInCaptivity · 04/08/2023 01:22

I'd never usually quibble over splitting a bill but I think the disparity here was ridiculous.

The 3 people who ordered the special should have had the decency to pay for it not just pay £5 extra each when their main course alone was double the price of everyone else's.

Yes, they might have been surprised by the cost but they should have asked at the time.

It was rude of them to expect others to subsidise their food to that level of magnitude.

Personally, I always offer to pay more if I've had something in excess of others I'm dining with (eg if someone isn't drinking or I choose to order an expensive menu item).

Would I have said something at the time - in this instance yes I would. I'd have absolutely shot down their offer of paying for a bottle of wine worth £15 in lieu of costs of £150.

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