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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this showed a really selfish mindset?

290 replies

PipSqueal · 03/08/2023 14:57

Newish relationship. We don’t live together.

When I cook stir fry, black bean etc I always put a handful of prawn crackers on the plate, I love them and so do the kids.

Anyway a few weeks ago I cooked a stir fry for both of us and added the usual prawn crackers. He said “what’s that? Why did you put them on?” Etc so I said I always do and he can just leave them if he doesn’t like them. He kept going on about it saying it was “weird” and “but why?” Etc etc 🙄

Anyway fast forward to this morning, I’m making Chinese curry and noodles for dinner so in Tesco this morning I put a bag of prawn crackers in the basket. He saw them and said “oh, don’t bother buying those, I don’t like them” so I said “well, I do … “ and left them in my basket. He seemed really taken back that the shop didn’t revolve around him!! I know it’s a small “non event” but what a selfish mindset?? Is this a red flag?

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 03/08/2023 20:04

Has he never had a Chinese takeaway?

My DD loves prawn crackers, I've never thought to get some to go with a stir fry. Thanks for the idea!

pictoosh · 03/08/2023 20:04

Yep - it's the "not what I would do, so it's stupid and so are you" mindset. This is how entitled people are.

It could be something, it could be nothing. I bet it's something.

EBearhug · 03/08/2023 20:06

So after I said “well I do(like them)” he looked all confused and then said “but it’s stupid, crisps on a main meal? Who does that”

Has he never had a Chinese takeaway? You often get a free bag of prawn crackers with a minimum spend.

I'd definitely keep an eye on it. Even if he has lived alone for ages, it doesn't make you incapable of realising other people might like other foods, and it doesn't mean you have to eat it too.

DrManhattan · 03/08/2023 20:07

Sounds like a prick

cymbidium · 03/08/2023 20:10

PipSqueal · 03/08/2023 20:02

No he knows exactly what they are as we get them in Chinese restaurants. He’s a fan of deciding to be confused when it suits

Show quote history

Ok 🚩

Original poster
PipSqueal · 03/08/2023 20:10

EBearhug · 03/08/2023 20:06

So after I said “well I do(like them)” he looked all confused and then said “but it’s stupid, crisps on a main meal? Who does that”

Has he never had a Chinese takeaway? You often get a free bag of prawn crackers with a minimum spend.

I'd definitely keep an eye on it. Even if he has lived alone for ages, it doesn't make you incapable of realising other people might like other foods, and it doesn't mean you have to eat it too.

Yes he’ll eat those prawn crackers but he insists the ones I buy are crisps (I get Sharwood’s prawn crackers) as HE eats them as though they are crisps and not with a meal as they’re “not real prawn crackers”

OP posts:
pictoosh · 03/08/2023 20:10

"He’s a fan of deciding to be confused when it suits."

Can you elaborate?

Original poster
PipSqueal · 03/08/2023 20:15

pictoosh · 03/08/2023 20:10

"He’s a fan of deciding to be confused when it suits."

Can you elaborate?

Another meal I make is American macaroni cheese. It’s basically Mac and cheese with a tomatoey mince. He acts confused that anyone would have “beef and cheese”. I pointed out to him that he lives off cheese burgers 🙄

Another thing he is “confused” about is the coat I wear as he says it’s for old people and “can’t understand” why I continue to wear it.

He’s “confused” about the fact that I call bread rolls “bread cakes” (where I’m from, they’re bread cakes) but whenever I say it he makes out that he doesn’t understand what I mean.

There are so many examples

OP posts:
cymbidium · 03/08/2023 20:16

Was this his last meal at your place then?

DrSbaitso · 03/08/2023 20:18

PipSqueal · 03/08/2023 20:15

Another meal I make is American macaroni cheese. It’s basically Mac and cheese with a tomatoey mince. He acts confused that anyone would have “beef and cheese”. I pointed out to him that he lives off cheese burgers 🙄

Another thing he is “confused” about is the coat I wear as he says it’s for old people and “can’t understand” why I continue to wear it.

He’s “confused” about the fact that I call bread rolls “bread cakes” (where I’m from, they’re bread cakes) but whenever I say it he makes out that he doesn’t understand what I mean.

There are so many examples

Show quote history

Well if all that is truly beyond his wit, maybe you should ditch him purely for being thick as two short planks!

pictoosh · 03/08/2023 20:18

Well there you have provided your own answer. He wants you on the back foot thinking you are silly and have no taste. He's there to set you straight.

Original poster
PipSqueal · 03/08/2023 20:19

cymbidium · 03/08/2023 20:16

Was this his last meal at your place then?

Sausages in Yorkshire pudding

OP posts:
Original poster
PipSqueal · 03/08/2023 20:20

cymbidium · 03/08/2023 20:16

Was this his last meal at your place then?

Sorry I read that totally wrong 😂 I thought you had asked what the last meal was 🤣

He didn’t come in the end as we ended up having an argument over something else and I told him not to bother.

OP posts:
cymbidium · 03/08/2023 20:21

PipSqueal · 03/08/2023 20:19

Sausages in Yorkshire pudding

Show quote history

No I meant was this the last meal you cooked him and he’ll be out the door now, or have you not had enough quite yet?

cymbidium · 03/08/2023 20:22

Cross post 😂

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 03/08/2023 20:22

My ex used to do that. Went nuts in sainsburys as I bough corn on the cob from the frozen section It was a pound. My son and I used to love it. He hated it. Used to always comment on it and then fight over it. He is my ex now, its never a good sign OP

Gaggley · 03/08/2023 20:23

He's 'confused' when you don't change your meals / clothes / words to suit his preferences, presumably as his ideas are automatically superior. We sometimes laugh a little at each other's preferences, but I accept that we have different tastes in some areas. I still wish DH didn't wear the fleece that makes him look like an IT geek, he maintains that he is in fact an IT geek, but I prefer to think of him otherwise!

Merryoldgoat · 03/08/2023 20:26

He sounds like a total douche.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 03/08/2023 20:30

Why not say toad in the hole op?
Or is the 1 toad enough for you?

cymbidium · 03/08/2023 20:30

I bet his dad was ’confused’ too.

RamblingRosina · 03/08/2023 20:31

One of the most enjoyable things about being without a partner is food shopping l know what l like, l know what my son likes, there is no way l would let anyone dictate to me what l can and can't buy.

cymbidium · 03/08/2023 20:34

RamblingRosina · 03/08/2023 20:31

One of the most enjoyable things about being without a partner is food shopping l know what l like, l know what my son likes, there is no way l would let anyone dictate to me what l can and can't buy.

I enjoy going food shopping with my dh.

ChubbyMorticia · 03/08/2023 20:36

cymbidium · 03/08/2023 20:34

I enjoy going food shopping with my dh.

Show quote history

Me too. We turn it into a date by grabbing coffee or lunch.

cymbidium · 03/08/2023 20:36

Normal people don’t dictate @RamblingRosina

Maray1967 · 03/08/2023 20:38

cymbidium · 03/08/2023 15:35

See if he mentions how weird it is again when you put some on your plate. If he does I’d confront him.

Yes, I’d do this. If he says anything, I’d go ballistic. This guy needs telling loud and clear that what he likes/ does not like does not rule.