shaming of mothers with a career?!

[rubopp]

Again today I’ve read a thread where a women is criticised for needing childcare when their child is under one.

AIBU to think if we had threads/comments saying ‘why aren’t you in a decent job to provide well for your dc?’, that they would be deleted?

There’s actually lots of evidence that children do well in life and thrive in higher income homes. No, it’s not everything and overall it probably doesn’t matter… just like it doesn’t matter in the long run if someone decides to stay home with their dc until their dc go to school.

What IS this shaming of mothers who dare to have a career?! Jealously? Narrow mindedness?

I find it mind boggling that people think you can take years out of a career and come back to it… in highly successful roles actually you can’t do that. Though I suspect those people who post such nasty things have no idea if they’ve never achieved that themselves.

There’s lots of benefits to being able to fund all your child’s activities, holidays, books, cultural trips especially as they get older and need house deposits, cars etc so let’s not pretend that the only way to raise a child is to live frugally and don’t dare to make anything of yourself.

Rant over.

@Thepeopleversuswork
Single mothers work so hard and yes I'm sure things do seem impossible for them.

Of course it makes sense that 2 good parents are better than 1 - that's fact , not an opinion.

@Thepeopleversuswork
Honestly - if you look at statistics children from stable 2 parent families do better.
Perhaps there's only so much a single parent can do. It's not about blame - that's the facts

In which case, I should be able to look round my office or social circle, and just know who was raised by two parents and who was raised by one, because the former will be so obviously better.

Want to try it?

@Jellyx you are making a bit of a plonka out of yourself here. I'm a lone parent, my DD14 is in private school, surrounded by family and friends.

Or am I not the single parent you are looking for/talking about?

Is this thread like the chatbot that tried to rustle up a debate that I have literally not ever seen on MN?

SAHM or WOHP, just do what you want that fits with what you can do and meets your family's needs. Nobody cares. This is not 1990 when Hilary Clinton had to snap at interviewers for asking how could she possibly not be a SAHM.

@jeaux90
I think that's great you can afford private school and have family and friends around. So many don't have that.

But I also think we underestimate the role of fathers

Google it. The term 'Daddy issues' has been around for a long time for good reason. Of course it's not 'all' girls and lots of things can mitigate the loss of a father.

But it would be utter stupidity to suggest a child wouldn't benefit from a good father.

I imagine most kids would also benefit from having a kind, empathetic mother who didn't go out of her way to make other people feel shit about themselves.

Such a shame that not all kids get the perfect start in life.

@Jellyx

Honestly - if you look at statistics children from stable 2 parent families do better.

No shit Sherlock. Do you think single parents don’t know that?

Do you think we do it for fun?

Almost no one chooses to be a single parent. Women do it (and yes it’s nearly always women) because the men they have had children with aren’t up to the job and the family is healthier or more stable without them.

And because we know it’s much harder for us, and because we are always being judged be people like you, some of us go the extra mile and do quite a good job of raising our children alone.

But however well we do, there’s no dodging the fact someone needs to work to support the children and that someone has to be us.

And smugly banging out statistics about dual parent families being superior and telling us we don’t “prioritise” our children isn’t particularly helpful.

@Thepeopleversuswork, she is deliberately goading you. Don't rise to the bait.

@Thepeopleversuswork
I've said repeatedly that your version of prioritisation is different than mine - not that people aren't making their children a priority. Stop putting words in my mouth.

Well women have a (usually) have choice a choice in who they sleep with , the option to use birth control etc So, generally women have a choice who the father of their children is and they need to take responsibility if they choose a loser. Now, granted, some men change or become abusive- but I don't think that's the majority. Again, feel free to have a different opinion.

Me having a clear, strong different opinion isn't goading. I've made clear it's my personal opinion, albeit supported by statistics, and made clear others are welcome to have a different view.

We're all allowed an opinion- it's called free speech. And my views aren't offensive just because you don't like it or don't agree.

I'm not the one name calling.

Of course she is.

Don't worry about it, @Thepeopleversuswork and others. You don't need to do anything; you couldn't do a better job than she's doing on herself. It's embarrassing to watch.

If anything society has made it harder and harder to have the opportunity to be a stay at home parent because of the cost of living. Back when I had my first baby single parents could be on income support until the youngest child was 12yo. It is much more common for mothers to return to work when they have a baby still now.

@DrSbaitso
Gosh- I'd suggest people are upset with having to take responsibility for their own poor decisions in fathers for their children.

You should carefully reread everything I've said and not just get upset at a view different than yours (that is supported with cold, hard facts)

Agree.

Thats why it's much more of a sacrifice to leave a job and try manage on benefits or an extremely tight budget.

I'm just saying my preference is less money and more time at home. Each to their own.

My cousin is a Consultant and her DH a paramedic. She is the higher earner so went back to work. He said he's had endless 'jokes' about it. Even my Uncle has scoffed that he's 'a bit lazy'. I think Dad's are more likely to be ridiculed for staying at home.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves
Sure- children benefit from a compassionate mother.

They'd benefit more from 2 good parents.
Nothing wrong with speaking the truth - exactly what I will tell my children.

Let's hope that the presence of a decent father is enough to counteract the terrible influence of their mother, eh? It would be such a shame if the kids had to grow up with two deeply unpleasant parents.

What a sad, pathetic little life you lead, getting your kicks out of bitching about single parents on the Internet. I pity you if you can only feel good by trying to make other people feel shit.

For their sake, I truly hope that your kids are somehow able to rise above it.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

Where have I bitched about single parents? I've said it's a tough job and 2 good parents are better. Surely there's not a single parent who disagrees with that?

You are the one name calling and being trying to be insulting.

Me saying I am responsible for choosing their father of my children and is just honesty,

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves
You are the one suggesting I am a terrible parent , have a sad life etc

I have not done the same about single parents.

Suggesting a good 2parent house hold is better is just facts

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

And I hope your children learn how to disagree with other without name calling and trying to insult others

Telling people to take responsibility for their "poor choices"? How fucking dare you?

I am not a single parent, I have been with my DH for the best part of 30 years. So I have no personal axe to grind with regard to this matter. But I recognise goady, bitchy comments when I see them.

You're pathetic. Get some help.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

What's wrong with asking a person to be responsible for their poor choices? Why is that a bad thing?
Is that not something to teach children?

Or shall all women be blameless when they choose to sleep with an asshole?

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

Again, you're the one name calling and saying I'm pathetic. But saying I'm making the bitchy comments..interesting...