To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

For goodness sake. WhatsApp isn’t an obligation to engage with every message.

Good morning messages, massive pain in the arse. My parents are the same and my mum gets so stroppy if we don’t respond. I don’t need to say good morning every single morning!

Also, I have previews on my messages - I don’t need to open the chat to read it. You’re being massively stalkerish to expect blue ticks.

You don’t like her, but you don’t have to be petty about it.

Maybe you ARE the SIL? 👀

You know, some of us are just not family orientated, right? It's not abnormal or a bad thing. i couldn't think of anything much worse, social wise, than to be in a family group chat! I am just not that person. I talk to my parents daily, and my brothers when i need to - the occasional check in, or meme sending! But a family group chat would horrify me!

She'll probably be glad to be removed. However, it causes you zero harm to have her in the chat and not cause a potential rift.

I have 2 group chats unmuted. I have tons muted. One is my pub quiz group, which is very transactional - who is going this week.

The other is my husband's family group - it's pictures of the dogs, the occassional update, the odd flurry if we are trying to arrange something.

The groups that have messages every day, with people saying 'oh I'd love to come to that but I can't' etc etc...on firm mute.

I’ve just realised that we’ve all messed up. We’re eight pages in and not one of us has said ‘good morning’ to the OP - or her mum.

Good morning OP.
Good morning OP’s mum.

And those other bastards that haven’t even engaged with the thread? Pfffft. How rude!

Yup, I think so too.

It's too extreme an expectation so - for me - OP jumped the shark right out of the gate.

Wow…your poor SIL. YABU

I am exactly like your SIL. Who has time ? Constant bombarding of family chat is draining . Give her a break .

Thing is there’s no sign the SIL isnt family orientated - unless in OP’s eyes family orientated = messaging every single day, SIL sounds, you know, normal

exactly !

@whyberude are you my SIL? I can't stand the in-law family chat. Constant messages of good morning and how much they all love each other. I have so much going on in my life to respond to each one. And yes if I post a pic of mt DC, my SIL does ignore and therefore I don't bother interacting or posting pictures. My husband he can't really stand his family either and only sends messages to keep things neutral with them all.

Either way, leave people be. We all want different things in life.

Yes, blame AIBU for your own weird behaviour…

This is a reverse, surely? You sound utterly bonkers. I wouldn't be surprised if we've already seen a thread on here from your SIL about her husband's nightmare of a sister.

IKR - we should report them to MN

That's overkill. Good morning every day? No wonder she's muted it no offence!

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

Why is it on her to send photos and videos of the children but not your brother?

My DH sends photos and videos of our children all the time to his family on WhatsApp. He’s a part of a family group and I’m not (by choice) and he has it muted himself because it’s stuff his mother tells him on the phone anyway.

Yes every other member says good morning. I don't understand how saying good morning is intrusive, it takes literally seconds and is something we've done for years. It doesn't always turn into a full on conversation, sometimes there will be days in a row with no chat other than a morning greeting but it's a nice way of keeping in touch without being too intense and especially for our mum to not feel like she's not in contact with us

Your mother’s feelings are not her responsibility nor is she obligated to post daily greetings because your mother lives alone. If your mother is in contact with all you children, why does SIL have to be too? Also, you having done this for years, doesn’t mean your SIL has to as well.

😂😂😂

Surely the way she is in real life is more important than how she engaged via WA.

Im in group chats with some of my dearest friends. I have the chats muted. I doesn’t mean I don’t value, love & care about them. It just means I don’t want a barrage of notifications. I want to be in control of when I check them and reply to them.

Right now I don’t even care if this is real. I’m taking an early lunch to stalk this thread

My husband never responds in group messages from my family. He's usually just added to let him know what's going on them mutes it as we go off and talk about crap!

She is not being rude at all. You would be rude to delete her though.

I think it's sort of nice you all say hi to your mum in the morning. But it's not her mum and she doesn't want to, so I also don't see the harm in that. I wonder if it wasn't you organising the group would your DH participate? Does he know he'll get grief if he doesn't.

And I don't think you would have had a different over all response on relationships.

And who could blame her!

Doesn’t everyone mute group chats? I’m on several for my kids schools, my street, various family ones, various friends ones, kids sports clubs, work ones. They’re all muted. I haven’t got the time to read every message on every group chat! Who does?

Focus on meaningful interactions with your family, not meaningless “good morning” messages.

You sound unreasonable.

@LostForWorlds this is the dynamic here too. One sibling and their endless drama/new shit. Rest of us are mere underlings who exist to tell chosen sibling how wonderful they are and fawn over the new (usually horrible taste) purchases.