To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

How many pictures of their children does your brother post on the group chat?

How would you start the convo?

“I’ve been checking your active status and messages and noticed you haven’t been reading our messages as much as often. I am upset that you’re not messaging MY mum every morning”

her “files police report” haha

Wow that is intense op.
Do you have kids? I literally barely have time to open a message most mornings as I'm trying to get two kids and myself ready and out the door, I don't blame the poor girl for muting you all.

oh good question. I was kind of assuming that the SIL has DCs from a previous relationship?

Does she not see your family face to face? You know, real life and not over a message?

Families are not defined by whatsapp groups.
DH and I both have a widowed parent and dont expect each other always respond to every message unless we have something relevant/helpful/interesting to contribute.

But given you dont reply to her messages anyway I dont think you have a leg to stand on.

'Doesn't seem', doesn't mean she isn't. You clearly just don't like her and have decreed that she's just not toeing the line. Your line that is. I think that perhaps you need to focus on something constructive rather than getting so het up about nonsense like this.

🤣🤣🤣

Does your family entirely consist of being on WhatsApp? My husband is shit at social media and chat stuff, he's been added to a couple of family group chats and I doubt he's ever even opened them. I think he's probably still part of the family though.

Thankful for our family group, which is about one message every fortnight with a purpose!

(someone needs to show SIL how to set her WhatsApp so that people can't see if you've read messages or not)

It doesn't take "less than a second" to write good morning, she would also have to read probably weeks of built up messages which judging from how much you and your family chat is probably a ton of messages.

If she obeyed your demands and just wrote "good morning" and nothing else you'd be moaning about how she ignored whatever subject you were all chatting about at the time.

This thread is proving to be quite the entertaining distraction to the work I'm supposed to be doing.

Thanks OP!

Im on dozens of group chats, between family ones, friend ones and work ones.
And every single one of them is muted.

Also, I would NOTbe saying good morning every day to anyone. What a weird requirement. It would absolutely do my head it.

I dont think you would have had different responses in relationships, because this is bonkers!

She doesnt owe you anything. And she probably thinks youre a PITA. Cant blame her, really...

This is far too much. I would be muting the chat as well. Your expectations are ridiculous.

Well, I never check back over weeks worth of messages in my family group chat, to see which have all blue ticks.

And I never check to see who didn’t read.

It has never occurred to me to do these things. I would think I was getting obsessive if I did.

And I wouldn’t for one moment think that someone who didn’t click on the messages didn’t care about or want to be part of the family if they were normal in Real Life.

Anyway you can see a one line ‘good morning’ without clicking
and reading.

She may just have a different dynamic.

Bloody hell you sound full on. It's just a group chat. I feel sorry for your SIL and if I was her I'd have muted it long ago.
I can only assume that if someone removed you from Facebook for some reason or another you are the type of person to take it seriously and ignore that person in the street.

100% this. I’m not even like this with my own family let alone in-laws. I can go several days without being in contact with my parents then we just have a catch up on phone when we can.
Can’t think of anything more banal that daily messages just to say hello with absolutely nothing else to discuss.

Why do you all even do it? Is it so everyone knows you're all still alive? Do you panic if someone's battery's died?

I sympathise with the OP of the other messaging thread this morning, who is upset by her friend taking weeks to respond to direct messages suggesting a meet up, etc. Rolled my eyes at the number of people claiming that expecting someone to respond more promptly is oppressive, demanding etc.

But THIS is waaaaaay overboard. Have you gauged opinions from the other WA group members about whether they are bothered by SiL's (comparative) silence and whether THEY want her removed?

She's not rude. She may just not be that active on whatsapp or maybe she feels the group is mostly for you, your mum and your siblings and doesn't want to intrude.

I wouldn't be able to (or want to) say good morning every morning and I often ignore group chat messages unless they are directly relevant to me or I'm being asked a question. I have muted all group chats.

I have a group with all of my cousins and some aunts and uncles and it's mostly forwards and Random GIFs all day long. I'm also in another group with lots of common friends and I don't engage in most conversations unless I'm particularly interested.

I do try to respond when someone sends a personal video or photo of themselves though even if it's just with an emoticon.

You can't hide it for group chats. Single chats yes but group chats you can slide and see who hasn't read the message. Unfortunately.

This thread makes me so glad for my in laws.

We have a family group chat with in laws and my OH NEVER posts on it. So when he does everyone says “Who dis?” Or “Waaahey he lives” or “Oh so pleased his highness deigned himself to reply to the family chat 😂” taking the piss obviously. Thank fuck they have a sense of humour

I´m in a group with my husband, SIL and BIL and their first cousins. They are on mute, and I say that as an active whatsapp user. Please back off and leave the woman alone.

No- it would still be far too intense even in a relationship.

Eek, I do the exact same as your SIL!