To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Also, unless it’s Cillian Murphy himself, I don’t want anybody messaging me good morning EVERY morning.

@whyberude Noone's piling on because you're in AIBU, they're piling on because your thread is absolutely batshit!

I talk to my Dad about once a week, my brother about once a fortnight. It be a couple of months before I speak to my partner's family if I don't happen to see them, I almost never contact them by WhatsApp etc.

Your post outlines a frankly codependent level of communication with your family. And if that works for you, then fine. But your SIL married your brother. Not you, not your parents. As long as she's polite when she see's you in person, she's doing enough.

Christ, she must feel so suffocated!

She muted your group a very very long time ago, OP. Remove her if you like but it will be a while before she notices!

I have DP's family chat muted, he has mine muted as we will just tell each other if there's anything being discussed that they need to know about. We will both always go on and say happy birthday to people but saying good morning everyday sounds painful.

Jesus, just grow up. Just because you feel the need to say 'Good morning' to every member of your family via WhatsApp every day, that doesn't mean she has to do the same. She isn't being rude at all.

DP's family has a family WhatsApp but nobody in it expects everyone to reply to every bloody message! Good grief.

OP, you have huge expectations of your SIL and if she senses this at all, she has every right to be very wary of you.

I would be.

I do not indulge other people's expectations of me at all.

She has every right to participate at whatever level suits her.

If you want to see even less of your brother and his wife, continue on like this.

Fucking hell. A family chat where participation is mandatory or else. I wonder if you're aware that people use sm differently? Our family chat is for conversation, funny stories and sorting out meet ups. I'd mute any chat where everyone pops in to say 'good morning' every day. How ridiculous. Like your mum is upset because sil doesn't say good morning (and if she is, she needs a grip).

Are you this actual womans SIL or similar to her?

Your family is way too intense and your mother is expecting way too much.

Your SIL is better off out of it.

She’s a grown adult with kids to take care of. Probably her own family group chat and several for kids/friend groups you’re intruding on her time she checks in regularly when she has a moment. Stop expecting so much of people if your mums lonely maybe call her yourself she has her own mum to message!

Who actually added her to the chat? Because I bet if she took herself out of it, you'd be on hear moaning about that as well.

What an overbearing oddball you’re making yourself sound. Who fucking cares if she doesn’t send an inane good morning message every day?! She answers when spoken to directly and she sends photos of her children to keep you all involved which you then ignore because you’re a petty nightmare

Oh I feel for your sis in law. I’m in a group chat like that and it’s muted. I check it when I want to and not on demand of a beep.

if that’s as bad as your SIL gets then you are welcome to mine.. she is vile! We have had to go no contact due to her and my brother. Verbal, physical and emotional abuse on both parts.

You say you don’t see much of your brother , as if that’s his wife’s fault. Maybe it’s all a bit too intense for him too.

Your poor SIL

Haven't read the entire thread, but three questions that springs to mind. -

did anyone ask her if she wanted to be added? I hate being added to group chats without being asked first.

Does your brother (her husband) take part in the daily hello? If he does, then why do you need a separate hello from her. If he doesn't, then why aren't you complaining about him too?

Why is it her responsibility to post pictures of the kids? Why aren't you complaining that your brother doesn't. I assume they are his kids too.

Sounds like a SIL bashing post, OP.

YABU. I mute group chats if there's more than 4 of us in it, especially when people just say random stuff and it's very frequent. I'd definitely mute a chat if all people did was say hi and nothing else. If her husband says good morning to his mum then why does SIL have to do it too? This is way too intense and I feel sorry for your SIL.

This thread is making want to message my three totally normal sisters-in-law (who I speak to now and then when we have something of interest to say) and tell them I love them

I'm the only IL on one of my husband's family chats. It's in archive and I only message on it if I have something to share with everyone otherwise I message individually. The chat is a bit full on and I'm not required and it feels a bit nosey just to be a spectator 99% of the time.

There's another larger family chat that lives in archive as well. It is a medium for two members to constantly show off. I let my DH deal with it as it's his family. He'd let me know if I needed to reply to something, but it's never come up.

OP you really need to let this go and assume positive intent. It's probably too full on for her, it doesn't mean she doesn't want to be part of the family.

That's just weird

Apologies, i meant family orientated in the very over baring, must know all about the wider family kind of way. My old housemate sounds likes OP. her whole family were very intense, they pretty much knew each others fart schedule 😂

Blimey poor SIL, im glad im not a part of that family whatsapp group

We barely see my brother these days it's like the rest of us aren't good enough for her!

You will see him less if you start to stir by chucking her off the group chat.

This is probably the most unreasonable of all AIBU posts that I have ever seen.

If it takes less than a second what's the point? Just a thoughtless, meaningless, habitual daily 'good morning' that makes you feel like you e ticked a family box.

No wonder she thinks she's better than you, it's because she definitely is.

😂😂 I had a Uni housemate like that whose nanna always used to visit. It was very tiring having to hide the drugs things we didn’t want her to see because housemate missed her on an idle Thursday evening 🙄