To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

But why does your mum need a good morning autimatically sent every morning. Does it mean you think about her every morning or is it just a 30 second habit, im not surw of the thought that goes into it a habitual forced message.

Anyhow, you sound ridiculous. Its bad enough you expect all your biological family members to do it, its crazy. I would hate having to have to remember that every morning.

You sound very petty and childish. You appear to have brought on a vicious circle. She won't post because you ingnore her post, she doesn't post because you ignore her.
Besides surely her DH is filling her in on all the family updates, she may love keeping up to date, but they may view it or keep updated on her DH phone at the end of sn evening maybe. So she only had to reply or read on her phone when its directed to her.

She may say
We have a family whatsapp with my inlaws, i keep updated on my DH phone as we check in together on his phone once kids are in bed and we are relaxed. But every time i post photos of our kids, i get no response from my SIL ??

Although on our family whatsapp its based on free will, noone feels pressured or checked up on, its a friendly nice space...for everyone.

I'm surprised she's not left of her own accord already!

This is batshit crazy. I would mute the chat too. And I would be incredibly relieved if you deleted me from the group. But if you do that please understand that your behaviour would be 1,000,000% ruder than what you say she has done…… and the poor relationship you have with her already will become far worse.

Regarding your comment about you getting different answers in relationship or chat, I'm prefacing my reply with I didn't even realise this was posted in AIBU, it was just on my front page.

Please remove her, it will be a relief for her.
Most people would mute a chat like that, she's not even your direct family and you're expecting her to say hello every morning just because that's what you like to do, she's not obliged to do anything. Does your brother say hello every day?

I can almost guarantee that her posting pics of the kids is her thinking she's "doing her bit" she will give 0 fucks that you don't reply to it.

Maybe if you stop being too much she'll engage a bit more with the family

This thread will run out and OP won't be back to say she realises that there is not even 1 poster agreeing with her.

SIL failed the gang initiation, set her free 🤣

😆 🤣 😂
Really ?another 5 weeks and the school holidays finish right ? Thank goodness
IF this is true , I'd be muting you too. It's way over the top ! Remove her , she will be relieved I'm sure

I wonder if SIL does it to check MIL is still alive or something?

I like my in laws but I don’t really join in their group chat very often. My time is taken up with random messages from my own family/friends on our group chats. I don’t want to spend half my life on a phone responding to messages.

Removing her would be quite a statement.

Which is precisely why OP wants to do it.

SIL has clearly muted the chat, probably fed up of the constant “good morning, good morning, good morning” chatter. However, she dips in occasionally and catches up, sometimes sharing photos and videos of her children - something she might, not unnaturally, expect family, especially a granddaughter, to want to see. No need to cut people off or offend anyone by actively leaving the group, but no bombardment of messages either.

But this isn’t good enough for the OP. What SHE wants is a confrontation; to make a stand, and make it clear she is the main character in this particular drama. SIL has done what works for her, and OP doesn’t like that. She wants SIL and everyone else to follow her rules. It’s her way or the highway and she’s determined to show SIL that, and if it causes a rift where there doesn’t need to be one, so what? She’ll have had her big moment.

Just out of interest, is there a time limit for the ‘good morning’? If one comes after, say 11am, do you get angry?

OP, do you have any idea the damage your WhatsApp group is doing to the planet?

Every morning? Good grief. And she isn't even a blood relative of anyone in the group, she married to your brother, who she presumably sees in person in the morning; to the rest she is a relative by marriage. Is this actually real OP?

First they came for the people who didn’t message Good Morning and I did nothing.

You realised you’re possible unreasonable yet? 😂

Sorry op but this is totally batshit crazy. Having EVERY MORNING to remember to send my mil a goodmorning message would have sent me batshit tbh. Plus doing it everyday it just becomes meaningless really and just another chore in the morning routine.
If your mother is lonely phone her and have an actual conversation or maybe even take her out for a coffee. I know what my mother would have preferred if she was still alive.

I wonder if OP and dh both say it on the group chat.

In fairness, irs my dads side who created theirs my dad steadfastly ignores it and my mum is the one who feels she should reply 🤣🤣

Get that Extinction Rebellion protester from AMA over here

You sound batshit

She's not not interested in being part of the family. She's married to your brother ffs. She's not intrested in the OTT group chat.

Sounds like you are way to bothered over something really minor? Why is that? Why do you actually care? Does it really matter.

It's YOUR mum not hers. I would find it highly unlikely that your mum really cares about evryone just saying good morning anyway. Sounds like a box ticking exercise from her children. Throwing her a bone and expecting someone else's daughter to do the same I'm sure your mum would like to see you more than what app messages 🤷🏼‍♀️

YABU

She has a different communication style. So what. Your complaints against her are very petty and small-minded.

You’re worse than rude; you’re mean.

Yeah I’d mute that too!!!

So, who thinks we'll ever see OP again..?

Maybe OP muted us?

Lets all say good morning to her tomorrow and see if she responds 🤣

Not another one, does the op then in the wind

.....yeah YABU. Your family chat is kind of insane, personal the vibe of the family chat with you Sil is similar to changing what you're doing to actively make sure you say Hi to the post man. It's nice but so much effort and also it can be pretty intrusive.

Also what's her social media style as a whole? is she 100% on it all the time and gets back to everyone except the fam chat or....is she pretty relaxed with it?