To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Rude that the OP hasn't been back since this morning. After all, "It only takes a second"...

In all honesty with this attitude I fully understand why your SIL is being distant. In these circumstances I would be too.

You seem to think just because something takes "seconds" that it means it's okay to impose it on others without their consent. Nope. If your immediate family want to do so, fine. You can't expect your SIL to be on board with this.

😂😂🍿

I'm old and live alone and if everyone in my family decided to message me every morning to wish me good morning I soon be telling where to shove their bloody ridiculous 'good mornings'.

I'm on a group whats app chat with some of the members of my family (son and his wife live abroad) and we message one another from time to time, mainly it's for photos of their children and them.

Poor SIL she must wonder sometimes what sort of weird family she's got herself involved with.

Wake up
Clean teeth
message ‘good morning’ to my in laws
………..that’s fucking weird op.

If you truly want a solution, phase out the chat and start a new family one without her. She will be grateful and no need for any confrontation, everyone happy

Apologies, I see you do have a husband who is complicit in this daily ritual.

she's clearly a self-absorbed psychopath, I'd go NC

This is the most batshit thing I've ever read 😂

What did you all do before Whatsapp existed OP? I have visions of you all ringing each other one at a time to say good morning (and obviously each person you rang would then have to ring you back to wish you good morning, otherwise it's just rude)

Sorry OP, but YABU. Group chats have a use but for every day communication just no. I have a dear lovely friend who bombards our chat every day detailing her entire life and sending pictures. I kind of get it, she's from a huge family and it's probably the norm there but I find it draining.

DD is in a group chat with her MIL and various cousins on her partner's side. She dreads having to comment on the endless pictures of great nieces and tomato plants, failure to comment occasionally is taken personally.

A bit like your chat.

Are you the Waltons?

All I can think about is that Ryan Reynolds Christmas film where ‘good morning’ was considered the vilest insult.

I didn't realise WhatsApp was a stasi tool. Surely nobody is obligated to do what other group members want. Reply when they want..say what they want to hear etc.

Sounds like she’d be delighted, poor woman!

Fuck that. I would be muting and catching up every few days.

This is so controlling and obsessive, just so strange. Her MIL is your mum, if you want to whatsapp your own mum every morning go for it, demanding other people whatsapp your mum every morning is mad.

You all sound mad and very needy. I’d be thrilled to be removed.

Nope still absolutely fucking bonkers. no way would I say good morning every morning because it was expected of me. I would kick back and do the opposite.

Fuck me that’s exhausting doing that every day. Yea it takes seconds but I wokld feel trapped and tied in. And you not replying to her messages when she does try just makes you look more like a bitch to be honest and your SIL will joint in Less.

but fucking hell, daily good morning safe bizarre!

You sound quite unhinged. This is what you spend your time thinking about. Does that not strike you as odd in any way?

The group sounds unreasonable and intense.
Responding and contributing to a family online group chat is always voluntary.
To respond or even turn the computer on is not manditory though I would hope to have a response to a direct question regarding any activity that I was expecting help with etc. But if not - no crime and if I had to speak with SIL I would just phone her and chat in person.
I would not eliminate her because that is unnecessary. She has done nothing wrong and it could create division in the family.
Every one is within their rights to look at WhatsApp without participating and to not tune in until they wish to do so.
Many parents have a strict no online presense for their children. It is not odd to rarely see kids.
Your SIL is behaving normally.

Remove her, if I were her I'd be praying for the day that you did.

She doesn't seem to be interested in typing "good morning" to her in-laws every morning, but she's not being unreasonable there. She does seem to be interested in being part of the family, as she shares pictures and videos of the kids on the group. Which you, rudely, ignore. That's hardly going to encourage her to participate more, is it?!

She sounds completely normal

The rest of you however.. it wouldn’t do for us all to be the same, but such intensity would drive me up the wall.

This. Some people are just not into WhatsApp, but excluding her is mean. I assume her husband takes part? She might think it's OTT for both of them to send messages and respond. I would at least mosr of the time. Do you just not like her? It could cause family rifts if you exclude her, which would be very upsetting for your mum. YABVU on all counts - including ignoring the pics of her children. She might have really hectic mornings too, and be too busy to even think about goid morning messages. Get a grip.

Yes, yabu to remove her. She's doing no harm by not reading or messaging, leave her be