To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

So OP has stopped responding to messages 🤔

How rude!

She didn’t even say good afternoon before she went.

I bet your SIL would be relieved, that sounds like very hard work. I’ve never heard of anyone who messages each morning in a group chat

Every single group chat I am on is muted. I couldn’t be doing with beeps happening throughout the day (and even through the night as my sister sends messages when she is on nightshift). I will look at them when I am ready, typically when I am on way home from work or when I am cooking dinner

There is a wide family one with aunts and cousins and cousins children etc. Last time I looked at that one was months ago as it tends to be updates about people I don’t really know.

I can promise you that even in Chat or Relationships, people would have found your position on this very strange.

Definitely delete her from the group, OP.

She's isn't harming anyone. Why are you looking to cause a family rift?

TBH I would do exactly the same thing as SIL.

Nothing more irritating than vapid cheeping day group chats.

Someone should have a word with SIL and let her know that she can lock down her WA account so that it never shows her online status or read receipts.
It's a handy anti stalky weirdo feature.

Scratching her off my Christmas card list as we speak.

This is crazy! We have a family group chat on dh’s side and sil and I don’t comment on it - mil, fil and the two sons (my dh and his brother) speak on it and I assumed sil and I are there for our awareness of what’s going on. Occasionally I do respond but usually when I know the answer, know mil has anxiety and will be stressing so just reply rather than wait for dh but sil never does, leaving her dh to manage the crazy. I admire her restraint. Your expectations are off. Just accept that different families do things differently and just because you all need to say help daily, to others this is intense and weird so expecting someone from a different upbringing to meet your expectations is unreasonable. It’s like you’re creating an issue from nothing.

Do you normally thrive if drama?

It's more like being forced to stab yourself in the eye with the pin from your poppy 7 times a day

I'm not surprised she doesn't want to be part of the family. You sound totally OTT
Why does she have to type a pointless message every single morning, that would drive me nuts. If your brother has already said it, it really is a waste of time her saying it too
Maybe your brother is distancing himself because he also thinks it's ridiculous but won't say because he knows you will throw a huge tantrum about it.

Why rock the boat? Why waste your time being annoyed?

It's a shame she doesn't get involved by sharing what she's up to with the kids, but equally you don't know what's going on with her. It's not worth your energy or the negative feelings.

Couldn't have put it better myself!

omg are you for real?

Do you expect your SIL to load photos of kids or is your brother capable of doing that?

If you are all chatting on there she probably doesn't think she needs to add anything.

I think my MIL would think I had gone crazy if I messaged good morning to her everyday. I am quite happy to send her messages independent of DH but I don't message everyday.

Since DF died I phone my DM everyday, now in her 90s, she doesn't do technology, if she did then I possibly would message her daily, but wouldn't expect DH to join in.

Your WA group reminds me a bit of the end bit of the Waltons (if anyone else is old enough to remember that)

I'm in my own family chat and it's on mute. I find it intrusive. I rather speak on the phone. You sound very hardwork. I couldn't imagine having to say good morning every day to my inlaws.

Sorry OP but I’m in a similar chat with DH’s side of the family. The amount of messages is ridiculous. I would love to leave the group but know they would be offended if I did, I’ve often muted it. I don’t dislike them but neither do I want constant messages. Different if she was replying with rude messages but she’s obviously not as interested in that level of communication as the rest of you are. In all honesty I think it would be ott for most people. She probably doesn’t leave the chat as she’ll think you will be offended.

I’m with your SIL. Does your DB message his mother?

😂😂😂

What's stopping your brother seeing you if he wants to?

That's up to him

Does your brother say good morning every day??

Yeah, hard hard pass on this level of chatting for me. I would find this a nightmare and would also mute it and rarely engage. I don’t know anyone who has this level of extended family group chat, so I think you’re the unusual one, and I agree with other posters that you seem a bit petty and like you’re trying to start drama. If I were removed from this hellish chat, I would be delighted.

Yes, definitely remove her.

Do her a favour

Do you all really click on to 35 "Good morning" messages a week?

If your mother is lonely, wouldn't it be kinder to phone her and have a chat? For all you know, that is what your SIL is doing rather than taking the easy way out.

Also my DH doesn’t read my messages, he just reads when they pop up on the screen. But doesn’t go and properly read unless he is going to reply. Lol
I would be muting the group. The constant alerts would drive me insane.

Does your brother, SIL's husband, the son of your mother send the obligatory Good Morning message every day @whyberude ?

If, yes, then why does his wife, who is not the daughter of your mother have to do likewise? The obligatory meaningless good morning message could be seen as being from both of them and their children or does every individual blood related or not have to pledge their allegiance to the flag you are waving?