To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Team SIL here, you sound insufferable and nuts. If this is real I would be divorcing your brother as well just to get away from the lot of you.

@whyberude I'd do it. She'd probably be very grateful.

Sorry OP I’d probably be quite similar to your SIL. Think maybe worth remember that not everyone feels the same about constant communication.

My job is quite intense and as I’m trying to do the actual work (technical/creative) I am pinged all day by slack, google chat and e-mail messages. Honestly the last thing I want to do when I log off after a 12 hour day is pick up my phone, stare at another screen and reply to tons of messages I’m bombarded with. I find it very stressful and it bothers me greatly when people try and make me feel bad about not immediately replying to every message. It’s often why people try and draw boundaries with technology and not make themselves constantly available.

Perhaps your SIL feels similarly? Just offering a perspective

I bet even after reading 25 pages of people saying she is unreasonable that the OP still doesn’t change her mind. Her poor SIL. Sounds like she has done everything appropriately and when she does message she gets ignored! Narcissist much!

I’m part of a few group chats and would honestly find what you’re describing as quite intense.
I wonder if my family members say the same about me that you’re saying about your sil? I’m in my car by 7am taking my kids to nursery, am in work at 7.20 and then it’s full on until at least 4.30pm, sometimes more
like 5.30. I’ll check my phone then before getting back in car to collect kids. If it’s been a busy day of chat, there’s no way I’ve got time to sit and read all the messages. If there’s only been a few, then I’ll engage and of course if I’m tagged I’ll reply. My family and extended family know I love them, they also know I don’t even have enough time to have lunch in the day, so I’d hope they’d be a bit more forgiving with their expectations from me. Perhaps your sister in law is the same or maybe she’s not allowed her phone with her at work or maybe she just isn’t that bothered by day today mundane chat but finds the group useful for other times. Either way, I wouldn’t cut her out of the group for what your describing.

Every morning?

Wow. I do not do that for (to? Not sure if they would be pleased tbh). And I would not do it in you SIL`s case either.

And isn`t it just a platitude / chatter?

You're really caught up on her not looking at the messages in the chat for weeks. If my family chat was just tens of mesages of people saying good morning to each other i wouldnt open it either.

Haha stop being so ridiculous O.P

Sounds like you would be doing her a favour - sorry but it sounds full on, constant messaging for no particular reason and people getting arsey when you don't join it. However, why not just leave her to interact as and when she wants to. Does it have to be mandated?

Thank you for making my day with this, OP 😂

@@@whyberude

Jesus. I’m on the SIL’s side. Five or so messages from the same people every morning saying ‘good morning!’ What’s the point? Appreciate your Mum likes it, but maybe give her a ring. It seems pointless doing what you’re doing. I don’t think she seems rude at all. When she does send a video, you ignore it anyway. It sounds like you’re not fussed on her (that’s fine) and she’s not bothered about you (also fine). You carry on typing ‘good morning!’, she carries on ignoring it.

Why don’t you send a picture tomorrow morning on the WhatsApp chat of Bruce Forsyth or a monkey wearing a bikini or something random. It might spice things up a bit…

woah... co-dependent much.

Talk about being high maintence... poor SIL leave the woman alone with your 'one of us, one of us' cult-ish and petty mindset.

She your sister in law not some new date... very few adults message each other good morning and usually only when in the early throws of flirting.

We have a pretty well used family chat WhatsApp that my elder sister hardly ever uses. She just CBA, but we don’t hold it against her.

Having to say ‘good morning’ every day does sound very OTT, I’m afraid.

OMG, just reading this has made me feel SO claustrophobic. It would be so stifling, to be expected to message Good Morning, to all of your spouses family every day. Beyond batshit.

And then, when you do send a video of the kids it's ignored.

This is probably the weirdest post I've ever seen on here. Ridiculous, crazy behaviour from you Op.

Plot twist - what if the rest of the family including SIL except you and your husband all have an absolutely buzzing group chat going on where they take the piss out of the boring family one

I can only imagine what your opinions of everything else can be like... bless your SIL.

It does sound OP that you've decided that there is no possible way you could be being the unreasonable I've here...

I wish you’d enabled the voting so that you could see at a glance just how unanimously YAB very U.

Poor poor SIL.

OP are you ignoring all these responses?? How rude!!!

Jesus I find it intense when it's someone's birthday on our family group chat and you get 8 Happy Bday messages, who wants that every morning. 100% the chat would be muted if it was me! Your poor SIL, I have a feeling she would be in the wrong whatever she does.

Christ you and your family are hard work.

Similar to my DHs family who are also very tedious. I refuse to be added to their many whatsapp groups but even they stop short of saying good morning every single day.

Accept shes not like you and move on without all your petty shite.

Sounds like a really boring chat as well. Assuming you have 2 brothers, that's 5 people saying "Good Morning" every day, which = 150 "Good Mornings" a month. Or 1825 "Good Mornings" per annum. 😲

I delete WhatsApp chats quite regularly because they take up storage. I bet she loves swiping and clicking delete. If 4 of you write ‘good morning’ everyday, over the course of a year that’s 1,460 messages saying ‘good morning’. DELETE DELETE DELETE

OMG you would be muted.

Just leave her alone. No need to exclude her because she doesnt have time to read your one billion whatsapps all day.