To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

This is truly pathetic. Get a grip. My family chat is permanently muted. If they insisted on saying fucking hello every day I’d have removed myself. Your SIL has the patience of a saint.

It would be the best day of my life if you removed me from that weird Bates family group chat from hell.

Surely a reverse?

This family is batshit.

SIL has every right to mute this insufferable enmeshed family and get on with her life.

Role call every morning? I feel suffocated just reading about it.

Just out of interest OP, was there ever a day when your husband didn't do it? How did you react?

Honestly, this sounds like excellent in-law etiquette to me:

-Willingly join the group chat
-Respond to messages that are directly related to me (where I've been tagged).
-Post occasional updates and photos of our shared interest (i.e. the children).
-Otherwise low profile

There's obviously a mismatch of expectations. She has hers and probably thinks she is doing well with it. You have yours...and have somehow decided that your expectations are her problem. How arrogant @whyberude to think that your standard is the right/only one. You must be disappointed by other people on a minute by minute basis.

There is no way on earth I'd be daily good morninging any of my husband's family on a daily basis. If his family had that expectation (and thank fuck they don't, being normal busy people), then the responsibility for meeting (or failing to meet) that responsibility would lie with him. Not me.

You sound like my sister’s in laws - they NEVER comment on pics of her DC or ask her how she is but get offended when she doesn’t reply to their inane chat. YABU to the nth degree.

Jeez, move away from your phone OP you are being ridiculous! Do you genuinely messege every family member and friend 'good morning' every day?!

Speaking of rude @whyberude don't you think it is rude to have left this thread that you started?

You are now ignoring everyone on here just as you claim your SIL ignores you a bit hypocritical of you don't you think?

Did she ask to be put on the family chat ?

Honestly I couldn't be bothered to do good mornings all the time either.

🤣😂🤣

I have muted my family whatsapp group - its our parents, my siblings and their partners plus all our children, Have also muted the group without the children. it just gets too much otherwise especially when you get two or three people interacting and its nothing to do with you!

How can you see in a group who hasn't read the messages? Can't seem to find this setting - so yes you are stalkerish to know it to such an extent

Me2 🤣are you in comedy @whumpthereitis ? and the other poster who suggested that OP take SIL aside and check she's ok for not posting good morning 365 days a year. And the other poster who suggested she get a chat bot to automate the daily expected greeting. I'd go one step further and post some amusing photos of a random family from t'internet. As the OP ignores them it won't matter anyway right? If this family is not the Walton's it must be the mafia, OP thinks she's the godfather.

You are being massively petty OP.

Do her a favour, remove her.

You sound like hard work OP.

wow just found out after googling - WHAT A FAFF!
my opinion stands

Fucking hell I’d have it muted as well!!! This cannot be real!?

😂😂 thank goodness I am not in your family what a drama!! Do you do other things in your day or just obsess over a group chat lol

Not defending the general batshittery of the OP here, but it’s really not a faff, you just press one thing.

Reading between the lines I think this is about more than the group chat isn't it?

To remove her from the group chat would clearly make you the 'bad guy' here. It is such a hostile act. An act of war. If she is looking to separate herself and your brother from the wider family this would give her the perfect justification to do so.

To be honest I would also 'mute' a chat like this - just because every morning it would be pinging and pinging with the exact same message. This is very annoying if you are using your phone for other purposes - as these notifications keep popping up. You are trying to listen to an audio book with your headphones in and ping, ping, ping..

I can be quiet on group chats. People are different. I know people who chat almost incessantly on WhatsApp and respond to messages very quickly. Other people will leave me on 'read' for weeks. In real life this is no indicator as to how much they like me. Some people find replying to messages very taxing. Try not to read too much into it.

If you want to have a relationship with your brother do not irrevocably damage your relationship with his wife.

Also, you should have been clear in your opening post that you were only inviting comments that agreed with you! YABU, btw

FML! If you were my sister in law I’d have muted you on all social media, not just WhatsApp.
she sounds like a normal person with a busy life, you have way too much time on your hands!

This is all so petty. SIL is married to your brother not to you and the rest of the family.
Honestly even if it irks you why create a drama over it.

Ok overrecting - slightly faffy, press and hold the message, find the button, click on not seen :-D

Is this your WhatsApp group every night?

Good night, John-Boy.
Good night, Elizabeth.
Good night, Daddy.
Good night, Son.
Good night, Mama.
Good night, Mary Ellen.
Good night, Jim Bob...