To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Literally laughed out loud at whatapp human centipede. This thread is brilliant. Still waiting for the deletion message 😂

Good grief! YABU - and hard work! I pity your SIL who can do nothing right.

WhatsApp doesn't equal being part of the family, ypu are totally batshit, how old are you?

With this attitude, sounds like she's the one with high expectations piled on her and is quite rightly stepping back from the intensity.
A "good morning" every morning and analysing her messaging app use? I genuinely, genuinely feel for her. Overbearing in-laws can make you feel so miserable and on edge.

Please remove SIL from the family group chat. She will be forever indebted to you. Do it quickly!

Exactly this! We've a family WhatsApp, one sibling bores everyone with her holiday photos that maybe one person would respond to, my nephews and nieces only respond to happy birthday wishes to them or others, my mum will occasionally post about her great day out with one of my siblings or my dad...etc!

I'm also on a dog meet-up group, our neighbourhood group, school parents' groups etc - I do not have time to respond to every single one all the time unless it's relevant

It would drive most people mad to have to conform to their SIL's demands like this - people are individuals, as long as they're not outright hostile or rude you have to live and let live. And figs don't remove her, that would be completely dramatic.

Honestly, this is insane. DP has a family whatsapp group that's a bit like this, so I left 🤣 Hopefully your SIL will find the courage to do so too! Are you saying your husband religiously says 'good morning' every day to his inlaws via whatsapp? Batshit.

Sounds like The Waltons!

I despise Whatsapp and Facebook. I consider them necessary evils for keeping in touch with people who use them more frequently than I do.
I don't post unless I must; I'm always aware of their company policy that says anything posted belongs to them and I resent that.

Perhaps your SIL feels the same.

This cannot be real 🤣

I’ve met men with sisters like you OP, who are weirdly hostile and hateful to their brothers’ women. Odd…

No way would I be engaging to this level in a WhatsApp group of dhs family. Hell, I wouldn't be doing it in a group of my own family. Why does every person in the group need to wish the group good morning every day???

Thank God I don't have WhatsApp. In case you haven't realised yet op you're bonkers as are all your family except sil.

Is your family name Walton?
G’night Johnboy.

part of the family or part of the cult? Sorry, but you sound far too intense.

Manson.

I think you need to get a life.
Poor SIL. Who invited her to the group in the first place? If I was her I'd block you all to be honest.

I think it's a great way to keep in touch, but it can be intrusive at times but I think it's not WhatsApp itself thats intrusive its the mindset of some people who use it that's intrusive. The people who get mad about someone not messaging them every day would be the same people pre social media/pre internet who would expect half hour or longer telephone calls a few times week and take it as a personal snub if someone didn't wasn't free when the landline rings.

Your fantasies made me chuckle. I have a few people I'd like to send to that cliff top picnic if there's space. I hope you're recovered/recovering from cancer and feel well.

So, she does respond if you tag her - perfectly polite.

She doesn't join in the inane wittering. Again, reasonable.

Any time she does initiate contact with a pic of the kids - you ignore her...

Yup, you sound like hard work OP.

Oh and she may show up as 'active' or whatever on Whatsapp, doesn't mean she is. My whatsapp contacts would see me as 'active' because I use whatsapp on my PC as we have an admin chat on it for work, for handovers and anything we need to share. I would absolutely mute a family group of meaningless wittering as it would get in the way of my work.

"Manson"

Bates 🤣

I have to say that this is a bit OTT OP. This is why I avoid using WhatsApp or other social media type apps - it’s so easy to offend someone by not reading their message or not liking it etc. I am in your SIL side here. Too much pressure on this group. I want to leave my family WhatsApp but am worried one of my rels will be offended like you are.

Different people use these apps differently. She may be prioritising her communication with her family and friends and that’s ok. Leave her be.

Totally agree with this!

Surely the mandatory good morning text is only a token gesture anyway, it doesn't equal meaningful or genuine conversation. I would rather my family text me less often but when they actually wanted to talk rather than a tick box exercise of checking in.

You don't get to dictate the frequency of other people's conversations or dynamics of their relationships and if you're spending this much time thinking about it, you have time to actually go and see your mum or volunteer with isolated people who would welcome conversation

I think I am your SIL. I think it is cute that you all communicate constantly but it is just not me to be always on. Yes you are muted. Just like all my other notifications.

Feel free to delete me. Your normal is not mine and I think you are rude not to appreciate we are all different.

Well, AIBU is a question, which you have asked. And you seem not to be accepting the answer!

Hint: it is a huge, universal, unanimous, "YES!!!"

HTH

@Nothingfallingdowntoday do you genuinely think this is your SIL? If so, condolences, she sounds like really hard work.