To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Her first mistake was joining your family group chat.

You'll be doing her a favour, feeling obliged to say hello every morning must be a pain, especially when her own posts/photos that actually communicate something are ignored.
I bet she's been wanting to leave without causing offence (and undoubtedly you would have been offended if she did that).

You sound high maintenance and insane tbh! I'm in family group chats for both sides and rarely respond. Even though I'm active on messenger. Just not a big fan of the group chat bollocks

This is madness I feel for your SIL!

Remove her. What’s the point when she doesn’t engage in conversation.

Are you the Waltons?

She might not be interested in being an active member of this family whatsapp group but that doesn’t mean she’s not interested in being part of the family. That’s a big over reaction on your part.

I have never sent a daily greeting to my family members. She is not being unreasonable.

She was probably added by someone else.

Is this a joke?

Feel for your SIL to be honest - what does she do that you find rude?

I am in many group chats and tend to ignore them, possibly scan for important messages unless I specifically need to reply or send a message otherwise i'd spend about an hour a day responding to group chats.. I would defo not say good morning to my in laws every morning over text - especially if they didn't like me and ignored my messages, it seems OTT from your family however if you all enjoy doing it I don't see any need to be annoyed at your SIL for not saying good morning.

You mention she has kids, her morning may involve trying to get kids ready and out of the door instead of waiting for good morning messages...

She replies when she is tagged which is probably more polite than others could be in the same situation.

Maybe the reason you see your brother less now is because you clearly don't like his wife and that makes it difficult for him to spend time with you.

oh also I never send photos of the DC to my inlaws. DH can do that. They are his parents.
I don't need to do that just because I am the woman.

Did you mean joining your family? 😂

I check Whatsapp a couple times a week and respond if it's something that requires a response. Any expectation of more engagement would be intrusive to the way I choose to live my life. If someone needs to speak with me they can ring me. However, I think it's perfectly possible that she is ignoring you all because Christ who wouldn't.

Her first mistake was joining the family.

You sound ridiculous, and SIL was completely right to mute your inane family chat.

She thinks she’s better than us

Youre being childish.

I don't understand how saying good morning is intrusive, it takes literally seconds and is something we've done for years. It doesn't always turn into a full on conversation, sometimes there will be days in a row with no chat other than a morning greeting but it's a nice way of keeping in touch without being too intense and especially for our mum to not feel like she's not in contact with us

Nice way of keeping in touch no, it is a meaningless automatic thing you do because you think it looks good. Speaking to someone, going to see them, spending time with them is far more meaningful contact.

I care that she doesn't seem to be interested in being part of the family at all

You care because you can't control her and enforce her to do things your way.

I feel like more info is needed. How many of you are on this group chat? Why when you’ve said she is rude away from WhatsApp and keeps your brother away from you do you think she’d react any differently online? Does your brother say Good Morning daily?

Maybe you're THE sil? Ha!

I don't know why but I just really hope the OP is your SIL, reads this reply message from you and deletes you from the group chat! Btw if this is another person and the OP isn't your SIL I'm sorry you also have a SIL like this. Talk about creating unnecessary drama!

Also, sorry OP, but I'm team SIL as well.

We have a family group chat with nieces, nephews, my daughters and son in law etc on as well as me and my husband and my mum and brother and sister. Tbh I rarely notice who is commenting and sometimes there is nothing on and sometimes if there is a family event coming up or a birthday or something it is constantly pinging. I don't think you should delete her and I don't think she is being rude by not responding. She is probably busy and maybe she has her own family chat she is more active on or maybe she doesn't do SM. Just forget about it. She is not stopping you messaging your mum etc. Personally I feel every day is a bit much though especially if you are on a few different chats.

I stand corrected.

Her first mistake was joining your family.

This is childish. Not everyone cares to engage daily in a group chat but it's might be worth being in it for important family plans and announcements. Leave her be.

You cannot change other people's behaviour, only your attitude to it. You will feel so much better if you can let it go.

I don't think she is rude, she wants to engage with the group a different way than you do. If she wanted to leave, she would. I bet of she left the group , you'd be annoyed at that too. Muting notifications is the better course of action imho.

You want to remove her because you have judged her harshly. This is about sending a message and will have ramifications beyond the group chat.

I would find the daily good mornings a bit much. We have a group chat with my father because he is lives alone. As long as one person checks in, job is a goodun. I don't keep track of what people do or don't react to. I like everyone, even my in-laws.

What is your relationship like otherwise?

This cannot be real, surely?