To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

If her husband is active in the chat it's likely she doesn't see much need to be posting the same things he is. I'd honestly think it was pathetic if a grown woman took issue with me for not putting my own separate "good morning" on a group chat every single day when my husband had already said it on behalf of us both.

"She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you"
So on the odd occasion she does put something in the chat you ignore her. I don't see how that helps - if she received responses she might be motivated to post more, and isn't that what you (apparently) want? Do you actually want her to be more involved, or are you just looking for an excuse to dislike her? You're being very childish with this.

I regularly mute large WhatsApp and messenger groups. I keep an eye and answer anything important and send /react to the odd message. Otherwise can't be arsed with the constant updates.

Mind you, I'm not a fan of small talk and chit chat for the sake of it, I suppose these groups are the online equivalent.

My husband has zero patience for them and leaves his family chat (over 20 in it) because it drives him nuts.
They always add him back in though because they like to wind him up 😁

She does that because the group chat is extremely boring!

Jesus having to read the same good morning every day!

Do delete her, do her a favour.

Please post this in Relationships and Chat and see what happens. 🤣

Jesus.

I'm irritated just reading about this. If I had umpteen 'Good mornings' from every family member EVERY SINGLE MORNING I'd want to throw my phone out of the window.

Maybe she has, oh I don't know, an actual life? And is busy??

It's irritating OP. I have to put up with 5 family members' bastard Wordle scores every day. I have muted the chat. For my own sanity.

Also, with phone in already in hand, opening whatsapp, opening my most recent message and typing good morning took just shy of 6 seconds.
Not the less than one second you claimed.

I should imagine that SIL senses that you don’t like her and stays the hell out of your way. I would too. Delete her from the chat for her own sake.

Blueskyfordays - absolutely.

OP post is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on MN and thats saying something!

Your POOR SIL....l imagine she wonders what the hell she has married into;

And you, OP, need to grow up. Pathetic.

Maybe she just doesn’t like you very much?

Or maybe she’s busy in the morning, or stressed? Sometimes when I’m really stressed and I have lots of people in life wanting something from me I can’t bring myself to reply to unimportant messages.

Its none of your business how much time she spends online either. She could use WhatsApp for work or be supporting a friend or something.

To be honest if I knew not messaging was annoying you this much I’d keep not messaging to wind you up more, but I can be a dick sometimes.

Wow. I'd say you have a very unhealthy use of technology/screens OP. It is not healthy to be that addicted to WA and constantly monitoring replies. You need to seek help for your addiction.

SIL seems to have a normal, healthy use of social media, replying as necessary, when convenient for her.

I keep my and my Dh's family chats on mute, and they don't even have a flurry of "good morning" every single damn day.

Too much OP, too much. What's the actual point?!

I’m on a couple of family WhatsApp groups. I’m glad we don’t all message each other every morning. It would drive me nuts. It isn’t just the “few seconds” it takes to write “good morning”, it’s the distraction of receiving all those pointless messages. I would mute that too.

I too would only post if I had something to share or if I’d been tagged/asked directly. I would react to a minority of posts, but certainly not all those greetings.

OP, I don’t think your SIL needs to do everything the way your family do, in order to be considered part of the family.

I would have left after a couple a day's so do her a favour and remove her

You're weird OP.

If I was the SIL I would have removed myself from this mental family group chat by now. She's definitely turned off notifications, as any sane person would.

OP this sounds ridiculous. Your SIL seems to have become part of an enforced daily ritual, surely it's purely voluntary whether an individual responds. It also sounds like wife work - expected to do it because she's a woman!

This is why I left my family WhatsApp group. All the pointless messages were driving me nuts.

Good on your SIL for having better things to do with her time than obsessively checking in on your family WhatsApp.

Maybe your brother also finds the intensity of your family too much and is content not to be such a par of it, but, of course, always blame the woman.

You’d get the same responses whether it was posted elsewhere. Don’t ask for peoples opinions if you’re just looking for confirmation that you’re right. Because you are being very unreasonable.

Your poor sister in law.

OP with respect grow up.

SIL probably wants to leave but thinks it will offend so like many in group chats, she mutes it instead

I don't do group chats and I think WhatsApp should ask first if you want to be in one, not just add you to it

She has a way of doing things that doesn't suit you.
She doesn't greet her family every morning with a hello on Whatsapp.

She's just not into Group chats with her inlaws.
She has a different communication style to you.

I'm probably very like your SIL.
I've been on inlaws Group chats and there's so much of this emotional 'meaning' attached to if you answer, if you don't answer, if you read it, if you don't fucking read it, the 'controlling child' of the family is there demanding that the fucking posts be read.
Or a massive strop if thrown.
Or a rage dumping off the chat.

The family group chat is used for emotional blackmail such as:
'oh Timmy and Susan, we hardly ever see you these days LOL, will you be round at Mum's this weekend??'
Or 'Susan and Timmy, any chance of an invite for Christmas morning (passive aggressive smiley emojii). I'm doing the afternoon. We NEVER see you guys!!'.

If she's any sense she'd take herself off it. But she'd know that'd probably result in you not speaking to her and you bad mouthing her to your mother and siblings about how uncaring and cold she is.

Please take the poor woman off the chat. It sounds like she needs the escape from her mad and inappropriate in-laws.

What what what Edgar did I just read?🤪

Maybe it’ll be a relief for everyone if you stop the Good Morning ritual.

Id feel oddly beholden to it. Sometimes I don’t say good morning to my own husband.
What if you overslept? Would you be judged for a tardy Good Morning at half 11?
Your mum and brothers might be secretly relieved 🤣

I would just leave her on there and continue doing what you are doing.

You just don't like that you cannot control her or get reassurances about her approval of you.