To remove SIL from the group chat?

[whyberude]

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

SIL that you? 😉

That sounds tedious and OTT. Im not surprised your SIL isnt keen.

We barely see my brother these days

Surely that's down to your brother rather than her? Sounds to me like she's rescued him from the insanity.

Stop @-ing her, that's annoying.

It's not your place to remove her, just scroll past her posts. It doesn't sound as if she's posting many messages anyway so just leave her be.

You sound highly over-involved and wanting a drama. What you'll get, if you remove your sister in law, is a family rift for absolutely no reason.

Stop trying to be the 'gatekeeper'/boss, not your job.

I’d remove myself from the group! We have one, but fuck that.

And I say this as someone who has a SIL that has clearly muted our family group chat (which was originally set up when my father was unwell, so we could organise his care) somewhere along the way. She pops in every now and then with news about my nieces, but otherwise she's always on unread. Doesn't bother me or anyone else in the family in the slightest. I know how busy she is with her own family and life in general. My other in laws are quite active on it whenever something comes up, my husband isn't even on it. He married me, and she married my brother. How much they want to be absorbed into the family bubble is completely up to them!

She thinks she is better than us

Id be inclined to believe she is better than you, on the basis that it sounds like she goes about her busy life and doesn’t involve herself in your petty whatsapp rituals.

Get a life, OP. Your behaviour is batshit.

Your DM has her whole family texting every day to say good morning. What bloody difference does it make that her DIL doesnt do this? Or is she an attention-seeking diva like you?

Being part of family is not conforming to the rules where one needs to say good morning. From whom did this idea come? Assuming not from her. Maybe she does not want to follow your ways of communicating.

You are coming across as very defensive, in denial. Saying yoy made a mistake of posting in AIBU and blaming the responses. You can take your post to relationship board but that does not guarantee everyone agreeing with you.

It seems like you dont allow free thinking and that comes from your replies here as well as your rule that everyone in group should say good morning.

Do you ever listen to anyone? Are you the oldest in the family and have assumed the position of the wise one?

Remove sil from group chat if she is annoying you so much. She is not rude at all.

Perhaps she has a life, and is not looking at her phone for hours every day. Perhaps she rings people for a chat instead.

I’m sure she’ll be grateful if you remove her. Sounds awful! I’m in a group chat with my husband and I’m laws and absolutely hate it. Wish I could leave but don’t want to be rude

Op I'd strongly suggest having a look in your phone's digital wellbeing statistics and see how often you get notifications/are picking up your phone each day because it sounds like A LOT and that's really not good for your mental health. I have muted notifications from almost all group chats to reduce my reliance on my phone. That way, I check in when I want to and feel like I have the space and time to do so, not when everyone else wants my attention. I'd suggest doing it, it's very liberating!

What I can’t work out is whether

a) you don’t like her anyway and are only annoyed about her lack of involvement in the group chat because you don’t like her, or
b) you don’t like her BECAUSE of her lack of involvement in the group chat.

You’re being unreasonable either way, but it’s be helpful to know which came first if you actually want to resolve this at all.

Perhaps she cant stand any of you.

Sometimes I feel sad my husband doesn’t have family so I don’t get in-laws but then I read threads like this and thank my lucky stars!

Perhaps the poor bloody woman thinks that her husband is responding for both of them.
If your mother is receiving replies from everyone why does it matter if one,person doesn't, that isn't going to intensify loneliness.
Remove her from the chat if you wish but I think you will piss your brother off and perhaps,just push them away.

she doesn't seem to be interested in being part of the family at all

She's not the only one. I'm not sure any one is us is that keen, either

Blimey OP you sound rather intense 🙄

😆 Ikr

OP that would seriously drive me up the wall as well... the amount of chats flying onto the WhatsApp

Perhaps SIL is just not that into it?

If I was SiL I'd be removing myself from this mental group chat!

I always wondered what happened to the Waltons.

They became the iWaltons
😂😆

I hate to think what you will be like as a MIL.

I FEEL SORRY FOR THEM ALREADY.

I’ve been married to DH for nearly 20 years and wouldn’t be joining a family WhatsApp, never mind messaging 3 BILs, 2 SILS and PIL every sodding morning. They aren’t my family (and I don’t do that with my own family!).

Wow I think I have a few Whats App groups like that muted too. So irritating…she’d probably like to be removed but it may cause drama if everyone can see she has been removed.

What?! YABVVVU

I muttered "are you the fucking Waltons?" to myself as I read the OP's posts - I'm glad to see others had the same thought

OP, you'd shit a brick if you heard about my family's WhatsApp group; not only does my SIL rarely engage in it, my own brother has muted it to escape the notifications.

And so what if she doesn't want to be part of your cult family? She married your brother, not you.