Page 15 | To remove SIL from the group chat?

LadyMary50 · 02/08/2023 11:53

Radical thought,but how about you pick up the phone and actually have a proper conversation with your MIL.If she’s lonely it would mean much more to her than a lazy text msg.If find texting to be a cop out from having a meaningful conversation even if it’s only a couple of times a week.My son phones me once a week and I prefer that to hundreds of meaningless texts..

MyOtherNameToday · 02/08/2023 11:54

Increasingrents · 02/08/2023 11:10

You should definitely post this in relationships, just to see how intense and weird you’re being.

I’m in a few family and friend group chats, I do mute them if they’re very active otherwise I can’t concentrate on my day and feel distracted, not because I’m being rude.

None of them require a daily good morning.

This!

Just leave her be OP!

coldcouture · 02/08/2023 11:54

Genuinely curious, what make you think your way of using a family chat is correct and her is incorrect? There aren't rules for this stuff. Communications need to meet everyone's needs to be functional.

LadyBird1973 · 02/08/2023 11:55

Most people don't even want this level of contact with their own families, let alone their in-laws!

I think there's a high level of trolls on MN today because no one can seriously think they are reasonable in this situation

theleafandnotthetree · 02/08/2023 11:56

saraclara · 02/08/2023 11:53

I live alone, and yes, sometimes I'm lonely. But a bunch of obligatory Good Mornings every day wouldn't help with that.

I have a family WhatsApp. My DDs and I chat on it when we've something to share (maybe every couple of days?) my son's in law are on it, but only pop in very occasionally, which is what I'd expect, and which I'm perfectly happy with.

What your mum needs, if anything, is individuals chatting to her when they've got something to say. Not reading a bunch of Good Mornings with no follow up, that have mindlessly been put on a family chat while the family members get ready for work.

You sound so lovely and sensible. I'm a single parent and can see this is how it will be for me too when mine are adults, I hope to have your approach and attitude.

JudgeJ · 02/08/2023 11:56

PurelyOrnamental · 02/08/2023 10:38

Honestly, I feel for the SIL! That's an insane amount of messages for no reason whatsoever.
I imagine she would be very relieved to be removed from the group.

Totally agree, what a suffocating family this sounds, everyone expected to report in every morning by a certain time.

WalterWitty · 02/08/2023 11:57

Actually genuinely take a moment and answer these Q’s (to yourself honestly, doesn’t need an answer on here)

a) If she left the group > you’d be mad right?
b) if she started engaging more and your family were responding (as you don’t!) and everyone was all happy > you’d be mad right?
c) if you removed her from the group and she didn’t message you to ask why > you’d be mad right?
d) If she did message to ask why > you’d be mad right?

Youve wound yourself up so much it’s just so odd over something that literally affects no one - let go of the rage OP.

Summertiempo · 02/08/2023 11:57

whyberude · 02/08/2023 10:35

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

Why you need a group chat to check on your mum. You can call or message your mum everyday if you are worried your mum is lonely.

You cannot dictate on others. This kind of group chat of everryone saying good morning every day sounds like a cult where everyone needs to conform.
Why not build good relationships and let people express their care, concern in genuine way rather than enforcing and demanding these rituals.

Poorlymumma · 02/08/2023 11:57

Just read through op's replies and I'm now thinking that the issue with sil might extend beyond the group chat, but op has focused on the group chat with this thread and made herself sound petty.

Wexone · 02/08/2023 11:57

Fuck me pink this is intense 🙈🙄 I have a what's app group with my siblings used to put up pics of kids memes memories of our childhood etc. could be a couple of days or even weeks before we post things. who the f has time to text everyone good morning every day. lay off yori sister in law and concentrate on your own life

magicstar1 · 02/08/2023 11:58

I'm with you SIL...and you sound like a nightmare.
How about instead of a box ticking exercise of wishing your mother a good morning, to stop her feeling lonely, you pick up the phone and call her? Talk to her? A habitual text every morning means nothing.

CatNoBag · 02/08/2023 11:58

This sounds totally deranged - I have a family group chat and we just use it when we need to communicate with everyone in the family. I'm not surprised your SIL has muted it, it would drive me nuts getting multiple notifications EVERY MORNING with just everyone saying 'Good Morning' x however many of them you are. She's your sister IN LAW, presumably under the same roof as your brother who's already wished everyone the best of the day, take it as a household greeting for goodness sake.

AugustFreeze · 02/08/2023 11:58

Maybe your SIL has a life?

I am not very active on SM. I hate it. The intrusion is awful. I am in a couple of groups and sometimes I pick up my phone after work and have 50 messages. If I added up all the time I spent on WhatsApp messages I would have a lot more time on my hands. Maybe your SIL has her priorities right and is getting on with her life and actively engaging in direct conversation with everyone rather than be on her phone?

Also, my MIL and SIL are on a massive WhatsApp family group. I was not invited as I am "not family, not blood". My DH posted nothing of our DC, and MIL massively moaned that all her relatives were posting GC updates and she had nothing. So, MIL and SIL contacted me and asked me to be on a WhatsApp group with them, just DH and I, and them, to post updates of DC. So I agreed, and posted nothing, not a sausage, and they deleted me. LOL. They seem to think I was born yesterday, and saw straight through that they would just be cutting and pasting what I posted onto their other group.

I'm soooo sad I was deleted. Go ahead, delete your SIL. She won't care, cos she has better things to do. She was just being polite agreeing to be on it.

FlamingoQueen · 02/08/2023 11:59

I expect at some point there will be another post on here - my in-laws insist I message the family chat every day with a ‘good morning’ and they stalk me to see if I’ve even seen the message. They don’t realise that it pops up on my screen and unless it’s urgent, I ignore it! I have a family life and don’t always bother with my phone too much, but they constantly want me to react to their many photos and get funny if I don’t.
I do actually like them in real life, but cannot deal with this every day. I expect they will exclude me from their precious group at some point, but hey-ho! My dh will write good morning so is that not enough for them? What happens when my dc get older, are they going to ostracised if they don’t message every day!

ThomasinaLivesHere · 02/08/2023 11:59

People have different styles and habits of engaging in social media. I try limit my use. Expecting people to text every morning is crazy.

Window82 · 02/08/2023 12:00

wow you’re precious

DemelzaandRoss · 02/08/2023 12:01

Sounds awful. Regimented expectations of being forced to send messages first thing in the morning. Leave her be.

Topee · 02/08/2023 12:01

This may be normal for your family OP but as you can see, it is far from what happens in many others.

Your SIL likely only feels the need to post when there’s something meaningful to say and may find the group all a bit strange and too much. I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong.

TenderDandelions · 02/08/2023 12:01

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/08/2023 11:10

Jesus when me and dh are apart if one of us is away we don't even message each other good morning.

Likewise. I didn't even say goodbye to my DH when I left for work this morning (though he was on a call - I would normally shout up the stairs).

Parents that are elderly texting every morning to say they're up and fine is one thing, but texting a family whatsapp group every morning to say good morning is bonkers!

I am in two family whatsapp groups - my parents and my DH's family. If this was going on in either of them I think I'd have muted it too! Our family groups are so that you can send the same photo to numerous people at the same time, or to arrange family meetups.

I don't know of any grown up families that are this involved in everyone's day to day life.

Escapingafter50years · 02/08/2023 12:02

You are exceptionally controlling (and judgemental).

"If you can't spend literally less than 1 second of your day on family that is rude."

You do not have the right to decide how someone else spends any part of their day.

Your poor sister in law.

HarridanHarvestingHeldaBeans · 02/08/2023 12:03

OP, your SIL is a saint. I would have removed myself from the family chat a loooong time ago!

Wrongsideofpennines · 02/08/2023 12:03

I'm really hoping there is more to it than just not engaging in a WhatsApp group much.

Saying good morning to people every day is intense. Why does she need to do it? It's not her mum that she has started this tradition with. I'm sure her husband fills her in on anything exciting that she needs to know about in the chat.

How many messages a day/week would be an acceptable contribution? Would just the good morning ones be ok and nothing else? Or would you demand she posts more conversation starters? Daily photos of the kids? When you multiply this by however many groups she might be in then it becomes an arduous task rather than a nice way of keeping in touch occasionally.

wutheringkites · 02/08/2023 12:04

FlamingoQueen · 02/08/2023 11:59

I expect at some point there will be another post on here - my in-laws insist I message the family chat every day with a ‘good morning’ and they stalk me to see if I’ve even seen the message. They don’t realise that it pops up on my screen and unless it’s urgent, I ignore it! I have a family life and don’t always bother with my phone too much, but they constantly want me to react to their many photos and get funny if I don’t.
I do actually like them in real life, but cannot deal with this every day. I expect they will exclude me from their precious group at some point, but hey-ho! My dh will write good morning so is that not enough for them? What happens when my dc get older, are they going to ostracised if they don’t message every day!

Already happened. See @LostForWorlds post upthread.

WeetabixTowels · 02/08/2023 12:04

wutheringkites · 02/08/2023 12:04

Already happened. See @LostForWorlds post upthread.

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TBF she didn’t claim to be THE SIL.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 02/08/2023 12:05

Omg your poor SIL 😂😂 Is this a reverse? You sound like such hard work! Her life doesn’t revolve around messaging you! I barely ever messaging in groups and yes, only would if someone directly tagged me. I literally have better things to do then send dull messages all day for the sake of it. A good morning message?! Really??!!