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AIBU?

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Original poster

To remove SIL from the group chat?

1000 replies

whyberude · 02/08/2023 10:35

We have a family group chat, my mum, my brothers, me, my husband and my brothers wife (SIL)

I just find her so rude. We all message each morning just to say good morning to which she never replies or messages good morning to us. It takes just a second of your day? Means a lot to my mum, her MIL who lives alone and can be lonely. Why can't you just say it?

She very, very rarely engages in conversation. If you @ her directly in the chat she will reply (which leads me to suspect the chat is muted and she only gets notifications when tagged...)

Only one in a blue moon do I click on the chat and see two blue ticks, and when I slide across she is the only one who hasn't read them. All the messages in the chat will be grey ticks for weeks at a time until one day they'll randomly be blue where she's finally clicked on us (and there must of been hundreds of missed messages by that point)

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

AIBU to just remove her? Clearly she doesn't want to be in it, so why does she need to be? It is just so rude.

OP posts:
wutheringkites · 02/08/2023 11:26

She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore. If you don't want to bother with us I'm not bothering with you.

If this your brother's kid?

zmq3Zm96uijcs2c · 02/08/2023 11:26

Maybe she finds it performative. Repetitive greetings on a daily basis is not really meaningful in a relationship context, it’s kind of vapid honestly.

Carlotta367 · 02/08/2023 11:26

I just have no words! How intense for your poor SIL!
Yes it takes seconds but who the hell wants to say Good Morning to her partners family EVERY SINGLE MORNING.
I bet you're an intense SIL in real life. She probs has a group chat with friends talking about you all 🤣

tattygrl · 02/08/2023 11:27

This is a nightmare and you're bonkers, frankly.
Can you genuinely not understand why someone might not want to constantly be messaging all their in-laws, literally every day? Every morning? ...is this real? 🤯

rubyslippers · 02/08/2023 11:27

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

🫣😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵🫣

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 02/08/2023 11:27

I don't get how a good morning message would mean that you would get along any better?
Me and my SIL will message every now and then to ask how everyone is but I know if I needed anything she would be there. Talking to someone everyday (if just a good morning message out of habit even counts as that) doesn't mean that you're any closer.

Hadjab · 02/08/2023 11:27

whyberude · 02/08/2023 11:10

I don't care that she doesn't say it every day I care that she doesn't say it ever and that she leaves us unread for weeks and only replies if tagged directly. I don't care if she doesn't join in every morning. I care that she doesn't seem to be interested in being part of the family at all

Having read all of your posts, you seem to be getting more wound up with each one. You need to remember:

A. not everyone does communication the way you do. She may be in the group, but she is under no obligation to respond.

B. you are your mother's daughter, not her. I'm personally not in that camp, as I loved my MIL, but some people don't, and to be honest, she doesn't have to, your mum is not her responsibility. Just leave her in the group and do as she does, ignore her and focus your attention on your mum

C. it's your brother's responsibility to visit his family, not his wife's.

WeetabixTowels · 02/08/2023 11:27

@LostForWorlds i know you said you NC but I went on an AS hunt and you do have older posts about a house move just to warn you in case your SIL has a tantrum as to why you didn’t fully involve her in your house move plans 🤣

UnsungShero · 02/08/2023 11:27

#TeamSIL

I’m guessing if she was an active contributor and frequent poster of photos, OP would be moaning that she’s taking over the chat and showing-off.

BungleandGeorge · 02/08/2023 11:27

It’s your family that are unusual, not her. If it works for you fine but there’s no need to be passive aggressive, your brother and his wife are probably just out there concentrating on their own family and don’t want or need contact with wider family every day.

WellDuh · 02/08/2023 11:27

Your poor SIL. I'd have left the group by now if I were her. Grow up.

Snowpaw · 02/08/2023 11:27

Yes it does take only a second to say good morning - so if you are all so concerned about your lonely mother why not spend longer than a second properly getting in contact with her for a phone call or a visit. I would rather have less communication but the communication I had be meaningful, rather than a bunch of hollow "good mornings" and no other discussion for days at a time.

cstaff · 02/08/2023 11:27

Jesus OP - that is so intense. I couldn't handle the pressure. Why cant she just message when she has something to say like Happy Birthday MIL or whoever. Having to say Good Morning every f...ing morning is too much.

This has to be a joke or reverse. Please tell me you are the SIL and are trying to justify not having to say Good Morning 365 days of the year. Batshit behaviour

DivineLillith · 02/08/2023 11:27

Do not be ridiculous, I thought it was going to be your SIL was a conspiracy theorist, have extreme political views or kept calling everyone a cunt.

You need a real problem in your life.

BreehyHinnyBrinnyHoohyHah · 02/08/2023 11:28

Bloody hell I'm not surprised she doesn't engage with you much. You're an absolute melon.

Why is she getting the blame for your brother not seeing you much? He's a grown man, he's quite capable of arranging a visit. I bet all my money in the world that if it was your sister and her husband, then the husband wouldn't be getting this level of grief. Just because she has a vagina does not mean she is responsible for your brother's social diary for fucks sake.

I'd mute you as well.

I bet she would be chuffed if you booted her out.

Poivresel · 02/08/2023 11:28

Sounds to me like your sil has healthy boundaries. A group chat isn’t a work meeting, she’s not forced to participate.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 02/08/2023 11:28

I think you're way too involved. Because she doesn't respond to stuff that isn't a direct question doesn't mean she isn't interested?

I mean remove her if you want but I genuinely don't understand why this is bothering you.

JudgeRudy · 02/08/2023 11:28

You sound very entitled, and a bit of a drama queen. No, she doesn't have to say Good Morning to you all everyday, that's not considered rude by most people. You go ahead by all means but that's not usual behaviour. Group Apps generally have 2 or 3 prolific posters and one or 2 who loiter in the background. Why is it a problem.
You're also coming across as if being in the group is a privilege and it's somehow a punishment to be 'kicked out'. Tbh she won't give a shit about not being in the group, she's more likely to give your petty behaviour a big eye roll.
Just curious, is her OH (your brother?) reading and responding to all messages quickly enough and posting Good Morning EVERY day?

INeedAnotherName · 02/08/2023 11:28

So you complain about her not reading but...
She will very rarely send a photo or video of her kids, to which I just ignore.

NorthernGirlie · 02/08/2023 11:28

Fuck me, who died and made you Queen of WhatsApp @whyberude ?

Naviwhat · 02/08/2023 11:28

WeetabixTowels · 02/08/2023 11:11

Bear in mind OP some people have blue ticks turned off.

But it’s likely she’s muted the group. But so what. Daily messages are totally unnecessary and if you want to do it that’s fine but it’s utterly ridiculous to expect her to do it

Show quote history

You can’t turn off blue ticks in a group chat.

this simply must be a reverse!!?!?

Wanttobefree2 · 02/08/2023 11:28

She’s probably busy and overwhelmed, I’m in groups where I don’t engage much as I have so many things on my plate I can’t juggle it all

BoraBo · 02/08/2023 11:28

This has to be a reverse.

EffYouSeeKaye · 02/08/2023 11:28

She could leave the group if she wanted to. So, she either doesn’t want to be out of the group, or she is staying in to be polite. If she has the group muted that’s up to her. If she rarely checks in that’s up to her. It isn’t rude. The general flavour of replies you are getting here are in her defence. You should seriously consider that you are wrong in considering her to be rude.

Removing her would be rude and potentially cause a rift with your brother.

You could always start another group with just the people you actually want to be in it, that’s up to you. She will probably be relieved if you do.

WeetabixTowels · 02/08/2023 11:29

Naviwhat · 02/08/2023 11:28

You can’t turn off blue ticks in a group chat.

this simply must be a reverse!!?!?

Show quote history

After posting that I saw someone say you can only do it in a 1-2-1 chat. Bugger. I ignore my kids class chat, maybe I will be thumped at the school gates 😂

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