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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that SAHM's with school-age children are in fact just stay at home people?

321 replies

Pissyflaps · 27/02/2008 10:40

I'm going to get flamed backwards for this, but I really don't care. I'm also going to be accused of all manner of trollery, bite me.

It's my opinion, I want yours - so, SAHM's who's children are at school-all day, aren't they just stay at home people? Not a lot of parenting goes on as far as I can tell.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pissyflaps · 27/02/2008 14:15

Yawn Janitor.

OP posts:
indiechick · 27/02/2008 14:16

Bossykate, with you on the 'no jobs fit round school hours' moan, it's an excuse for people who don't want to work. Which as you say is absolutely fine, but they shouldn't pretend they actually want a job 'cos they obviously don't.
As for not working whilst children are at school, good luck to you all, some of you are doing brilliant stuff, volunteering and the like. And even if you're not, if you can afford not to work and you don't want to, good luck to you too.
For those of you who gave up work though to be SAHM and it's been a financial struggle (ie no foreign hols, new clothes, anything extra), do you ever feel guilty that your children miss out?

kama · 27/02/2008 14:16

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captainmummy · 27/02/2008 14:17

Hang on everyone - lets stop 'justifying' ourselves to this pissytake, and ask her/him again - so what do you do all day?

Like I care.

bossykate · 27/02/2008 14:17

is what easy to find?

UniversallyChallenged · 27/02/2008 14:17

PF a lot of the responses are because you have-it appears- namechanged. If you fess up to who you are then people can respect you for having the guts to come out with how you feel

Original poster
Pissyflaps · 27/02/2008 14:18

Why is it relevant what I do all day? You lot really love your witch hunts, don't you? I've not asked you to justify yourselves. You've chosen to do that.

OP posts:
Bumdiddley · 27/02/2008 14:19

I have a sahh. Immediately ds and dd are both in reception I will nag at him to get a part time job.
If he just stayed at home it would give him an excuse to watch porn and wank like a monkey.

policywonk · 27/02/2008 14:20

indiechick - 'Bossykate, with you on the 'no jobs fit round school hours' moan, it's an excuse for people who don't want to work. Which as you say is absolutely fine, but they shouldn't pretend they actually want a job 'cos they obviously don't.'

I'm sorry, but this really is nonsense. Plenty of people want to work, but don't want their children to have to go to a childminder or after-school club at the beginning and end of the school day, so they pick what they consider to be the lesser of two evils, and stay at home.

It's not because they don't want to work, it's because working hours are entirely un-family-friendly.

RosaIsRed · 27/02/2008 14:20

Oh yawn. Too busy with masses of volunteer work, being a school governor, running two afterschool clubs, studying for a degree and the hugely busy 3-6pm round of afterschool activities, homework, teatime etc for three children who need ME after school to even bother answering the OP.

kama · 27/02/2008 14:22

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UniversallyChallenged · 27/02/2008 14:22

no one says those jobs are easy to find, but how many have actally looked?

Sign on with nanny agencies - a good single mum friend of mine has found a job (under 12 hours a week so benefits arent stopped) where the mum needs just a few hours. Or a night a week - care homes are crying out for people. Then sleep between 9.30 and 2.30. Obviously this needs an older child/responsible person looking after the children so not always possible.

FioFio · 27/02/2008 14:23

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scaryteacher · 27/02/2008 14:23

I'm now a SAHM for the first time, having moved abroad. Before that I worked in a Local Authority and then taught for 5 years, because it helped with childcare and holiday care, plus I loved it. My DS (12) and DH like me being a SAHM as I am much calmer, and my stress levels have plummeted.

I have time to cook, read, sew, gaze at my navel, varnish my toenails, organise my family, do the school run when necessary, do things during the week that I used to have to do at weekends, like shopping, ironing, laundry, housework, getting the car serviced, sorting the finances etc. I also learn Dutch, teach English to some mums at DSs school, run the Youth Club for on average 168 kids, and do the admin and organising for that. I sit on committees for the school. I have time for a coffee with friends and a chat, rather than tearing down school corridors on the way to the next lesson.

I e-mail forgotten homework into school, bake cakes for fundraisers, organise and attend a bookgroup. I'm having fun, and why shouldn't I? If DS needs picking up from school during the school day I can do that without dumping my workload on my colleagues. In September, I hope to start my Masters by distance learning.

I think that DS needs me to be a SAHM more now as he approaches teenagerdom than he ever did when he was younger. I hate all this pressure not to be a SAHM - I know that loads of mums HAVE to work, and I'm bloody lucky that I don't have to for now - but if you don't want to work, and you can afford not to, why should you? One friend of mine when asked what she does says she is a CEO....of her family, and she's right. It may not be paid, but it is work, and as much of it is for DSs benefit, it is also parenting.

Iota · 27/02/2008 14:23

ooh I'm loving this thread.

I have had a busy morning drinking coffee with friends, a bit of light shopping and then came home to have lunch with my lovely dh who is working at home today.

I have managed to do some laundry and tidy up the kitchen, but now I'm sitting on MN with my cup of tea, prior to going on the school run.

Being a SAHM with kids in school is a nice life for all the reasons stated earlier in the thread.

Have a nice day

luv

Iota the Lazy Ar$e SAHM

Kewcumber · 27/02/2008 14:24

Sorry thread is now far too long to read it all as I'm at work and going to get fired shortly if I don;t do some.

"Not a lot of parenting goes on as far as I can tell" - well at least 3/4 hours more parenting Mon-Thurs than I do (assuming an hour more in the morning and 3 after school) and I still consider myself to be a working parent rather than a working person.

Why do you want views? You're welcome to think what you like, I assume you're trying to have anotehr SAHM/WOHM argument in a slightly different guise?

kama · 27/02/2008 14:25

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Kewcumber · 27/02/2008 14:27

just had a quick skim through responses - why are those of you not working with school age children feeling the need to justify what you do Good luck to you. I'd FAR rather be a SAHM with school age kids than having to look after a toddler 24/7.

Whats wrong with having some time during the day to do what the hell you want?

UniversallyChallenged · 27/02/2008 14:27

She keeps her benefits as the job is under 12 hours a week. She still gets to pick up her dcs but it's helping her to get back into the work field, helping her confidence etc.

Mercy · 27/02/2008 14:28

mmj - not it's not you, don't worry! (although I did have a quick peek at your profile just to make sure)

UC, a friend of mine is a nanny and is looking to increase her hours when her youngest child start school. SO far she has found that the only vacancies are during the hours when she needs to be at home for her own children (before and after school and school holidays) - she finds it odd that to be employed as nanny she will have to pay a nanny or childminder to look after her own children!

TotalChaos · 27/02/2008 14:29

"i.e. no jobs that fit around school hours = i don't really want to work."

OK - I take your point that if I restrict myself to school hours jobs then I am not moving heaven and earth to get a job - but some situations aren't straightforward. DS (due to start reception in September) has very delayed speech and understanding and possibly High Functioning Autism - I would therefore only feel comfortable with childcarers that were very knowledgable/experienced with children with similar problems, rather than bung him into whichever after school club had places.

captainmummy · 27/02/2008 14:30

Pissy - you said 'I've not asked you to justify yourselves. You've chosen to do that. ' - you started a thread asking what sahm do all day.ie You have asked us to justify ourselves.

Now you can justify your existance. What do you do all day?

Thats about the 5th time thats been asked.

Astrophe · 27/02/2008 14:30

ooooh, shock horror that scaryteacher and others, might actually have time to do things which are not economically productive. Build relationships! Volunteer! Relax! Read a book! Why are these things not valuable?

I am not against parents working. But how dare you take issue with people who choose, for whatever reason, not to work for money.

There are many, many other worthwhile things that people can do with their time apart from paid work.

It's such a con. Life does not equal economics.

anniemac · 27/02/2008 14:33

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UniversallyChallenged · 27/02/2008 14:34

Mercy - my friend actally had 3 job offers looking for similar times during the day!! She put her name down on quite a few agencies and it's mainly for mums who work from home who need someone to take their LOs for a while I think. She wasnt looking for long - a couple of months?