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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that SAHM's with school-age children are in fact just stay at home people?

321 replies

Pissyflaps · 27/02/2008 10:40

I'm going to get flamed backwards for this, but I really don't care. I'm also going to be accused of all manner of trollery, bite me.

It's my opinion, I want yours - so, SAHM's who's children are at school-all day, aren't they just stay at home people? Not a lot of parenting goes on as far as I can tell.

OP posts:
pagwatch · 27/02/2008 14:35

Capt.
She isn't going to answer. She started the op with " I am going to get flamed" because that is exactly what she wanted to happen.
Being contravertial is not the same thing as being interesting but some people get that muddled.

MinesALemsip · 27/02/2008 14:35

Havent read the thread, but wasnt the OP's point much more limited?
"Build relationships! Volunteer! Relax" Read a book!"
Yes, all valuable and fun things to do - I agree.
But all she is saying is that those things aren't "parenting" (horrid word).

Which is true...isnt it?

Hassled · 27/02/2008 14:35

Oh FFS I can't believe this is still going on since I last posted.

I'm one of the lazy scroungers the OP was questioning, and I'm not taking any offence by the questioning - granted, the OP was pretty arsey, and the non-parenting thing was just plain stupid, but PF has made it clear subsequently that she actually wants to know what we do all day - couldn't we just have told her?

Kewcumber · 27/02/2008 14:35

lets all justify what we do...

I'm an accountant

Not sure it contributes much more to society than watching Jeremy Kyle but pays better.

eleusis · 27/02/2008 14:41

What about all the people who would like to be home with their LOs but aren't because they out working to pay taxes to support the benefits that pey other people to stay and and look after their kids because the don't want to work?

Seema a tad unfair to me. But I think there is plenty of blame to go around. It is the governments fault for establishing and maintaining a system where it is more attractive in the short term to not work. It is the dad's fault for thinking he is not indisputably obligated to flip half the bill of raising his kids no matter what his other costs are. Lot's of people to blame here -- and certainly not just the single mum whho would rather not work (when and if that is the case). I actually think quite often single mums want to work but can't because it costs too much money to make money.

Astrophe · 27/02/2008 14:44

fair point Minesalemsip. I do think that the sneery tone implied that being at home and 'not parenting' whilst kids are at school is not a good thing. But yes, fair enough, perhaps the point has been made that there are plenty of useful things going on, and perhaps the op has seen the error of her ways .

I disagree that tasks which are not directly related to parenting are not still part of the parenting package though. I don't think house work is 'parenting', but having a chance to get house work done during the day, so that you are free in the afternoons to help with homework or chat to your kids, can only contribute positivly towards your parenting.

eleusis · 27/02/2008 14:45

You know, I do believe I've posted on the wrong fricken thread. I HATE when that happens. I'm leaving now to hang my head and shame, and possibly do the work I'm supposed to be doing...

kittywise · 27/02/2008 14:46

When mine are all at school (years to go yet) I intend to take a well earned break and do nothing for as long as I can/want-hooray

collision · 27/02/2008 14:46

Well I am a SAHM atm and ds2 is in nursery for 3.5 days per week and ds1 is at FT school.

This week ds2 was off on Monday so we spent the day together and had his swimming lesson.

On Tuesday I went in to help at ds1's school and sorted some PTA stuff with the Headmistress.

Today I have cleaned the house and made the beds. I have done the weekly shopping and been to weightwatchers! (I lost 2lbs )

I am having a short break til 3pm and then off to get the boys.

Tomorrow I am gardening and sorting lots of clutter in the house and on Friday I am helping at school again.

I will be looking for a job soon but am in no hurry and enjoying the fact that I don t have to work atm.

Mercy · 27/02/2008 14:47

UC, thank you, I'll mention it to my friend.

I worked for over 15 years before I had my first child. It wasn't until then that I realised that on the whole I had worked with mostly men or women with no children; mothers (especially those with children up to primary school age) were few and far between.

brimfull · 27/02/2008 14:47

haven't read the whole thread

I am sahm dc's at school

I currently help out at the school 9-12 two mornings a week

I also work two nights a week as a nurse because it fits in with family life and saves me finding childcare.

Other than that I do housework,go to the gym,food shopping etc.

Spidermama · 27/02/2008 14:48

Oooooh what a stressful thread.

Let's all take your hands off the keyboard for a second. Breath and Ooooohhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Astrophe · 27/02/2008 14:49

But you are working collision, just not paid work. It's still valuable though - contributing to your family, and society.

This is the problem - we have all learned to value activities for the money they earn.

bozza · 27/02/2008 14:56

The reason I can't help out in school is because I have DD to look after. I work 3 days a week but have two other days where I have DD with me all the time. I am thinking that I will help out once DD starts school.

And, of course, I am of people who have time to paint their toe nails and get the value for money out of their gym membership and dont' have to spend the entire evening once their DC are in bed(as I did yesterday)cleaning the kitchen and the floors and doing the receipts and March budget and making my lunch.... while DH dusted, hoovered, cleaned the downstairs loo, did a wash load and got it out because DS has run out of trousers..... Why wouldn't I be?

donnie · 27/02/2008 14:57

nobody has spotted that 'pissyflaps' is actually a man who can't bear the thought of women being at home. Would a woman use such a vile misogynistic name?

you can't join the club pissyflaps .

beautifuldays · 27/02/2008 15:03

sorry but show me a job where the hours are 10-2 term time only. do you really think it's that easy to get a job to fit in round school?

ime it's easier to work when your kids are little than it is when they're at school.

K999 · 27/02/2008 15:06

dinner lady

beautifuldays · 27/02/2008 15:10

yes but why bother you only earn about £1000 a year. plus that supposes that you are happy to spend your life feeding and cleaning up after children (which if you're a stay at home mum, you've probably already been doing for many years) oh and also that everyone with school age kids wants to be a dinnerlady....

DiscoDizzy · 27/02/2008 15:12

It'll be a year and a half before DD2 starts full time school and when she does i'm not going to do anything but chill out. I want some time for me. I won't feel guilty because of it. I'll have had 6 years of constantly looking after children, all day, with no help or support from any relatives and not a great deal of help from DH as he works long hours. He's agreed that its something I should do and I will do it. Whether it lasts a month or a year, I don't care, it'll be my time to do all those things, from going to the toilet without interruption, to spending the day shopping, gym, pottering about the house, that I haven't been able to do for the 6 years prior. Once i'm ready to do something other than that, i'll be on of the lucky few that already has a job to walk into (with DH), but it'll be part time and not full time.

foxythesnowman · 27/02/2008 15:13

ffs

foxythesnowman · 27/02/2008 15:14

YABU and very, very bored probably

wildwoman · 27/02/2008 15:15

Agree OP is a bloke

scaryteacher · 27/02/2008 15:23

Minesalemsip....so, if I didn't wash DSs clothes, cook his meals, ensure there was stuff for him to eat in the house, I wouldn't be accused of neglect and being a bad parent? Parenting isn't in my book just about spending time with your child, it's about making sure that their needs are met...which includes clean clothes, regular nutritious meals etc.

Reading a book is also good parenting, as I sometimes read books before I let him have them; and I read when he's home, so that he can see reading is a worthwhile activity (however, I now spend more on Amazon for his books than I do mine!).

I'm off to polish my halo and shove his smelly sports kit in the wash...above and beyond the call of duty methinks!

Joash · 27/02/2008 15:23

So if we're 'just' SAHM's with no parenting going on ... then who is it thats been in my house since september last year doing the constant cleaning, daily and weekly shopping, taking care of the kids animals (walks, feeding, grooming, etc), planning and cooking healthy meals for the entire family, attending classes relevant to the kids needs (ie; phonics, child psychology, etc), laundry and ironing, decorating GS's room (not to mention other rooms in the house), sewing (making curtains etc), paying bills, lots of other admin work, ensuring all his 'family' on the dickheads side receive their relevant letters, birthday cards, birthday and christmas gifts, etc, making appointments, taking GS for his hospital checks (and dentist etc), planning trips, entertainment, attending a very boring parent and child activity thing at his school (which I absolutely loathe - but he wants me to go), arranging things(including somewhere to stay) for his bloody parents visits, etc etc etc etc etc in fact the only thing I do at the moment that isn't linked to GS in some way is study with the OU.

padboz · 27/02/2008 15:28

I've been quietly lurking here and the only thing thats annoyed me is the suggestion that the op is a bloke. If he is,and hes pissed off that he can't stay at home when his partner can then thats a reasonable point of view?