To be shocked that a man in his mid-twenties does not work for a living?

[queenofsheep]

DD's boyfriend, older than DD by a year, does not work. He got his degree, now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund. AIBU to be shocked that there are men/boys in their twenties who are allowed to do this?

He and DD seem happy. DD isn't concerned at all. He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses. He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties.

It depends on the individual but I think you are right to be concerned op.

I think it’s fine if the recipients truly do “work really hard” and are self-disciplined and clear-minded enough to pursue an interest or craft very seriously, but the two individuals I know who live off trust funds do not, and I think their comfortable financial situation has been detrimental to their characters.

The difference between doing a job … or anything really … because you have to and doing it for pleasure … is chalk and cheese.

If you have the security of a trust fund behind you, you never actually have to complete anything, work hard for those exams, inconvenience yourself by doing an extra course of study, go on that work trip that you dreaded but turned out ok, take that job that means you have to get up two hours earlier than normal and commute, put up with individuals who you find extremely irritating, put your bosses demands before your own and so on … .

If you are not careful, all the choices you ultimately get to make are comfortable ones and that over time has an enfeebling rather than broadening effect on your character.

Plus if it is your elders who still hold the key to the vault of the family trust, then it is possible that you remain locked in to a highly problematic relationship with your parents or parent, where they still have ultimate control of you and your major life decisions, at an age when you should long ago have become independent, and this tends to breed resentment and frustration on both sides.

To my mind anyway, trust funds come with a huge price to pay!

This is nothing to do with being male or from a public school. It was the same for me a comprehensive school, Northern woman. Publishing is overrun by applicants. Eventually after hundreds of applications and rejections I had to do an apprenticeship to get into my career despite having an MA.

They're not ignoring him because he's a privately schooled man.

Get a grip OP 🙄

The initial CSA assessment doesn't include dividends, but they are considered to be a relevant source of income and will be taken in to account if the other parent (Mum in this case) applies for a variation.

CSA - Other income and expenses

Welcome to the world of the seriously rich, who don't have to worry about buying a house because there are several houses in the family, and who can afford to set up 'businesses' that are in fact no more than paying hobbies, because there will always be plenty of money in trust for them. It's more common than you think.

Why on earth would you sell yourself by the hour to some institution or private business if you didn't have to? For some amorphous sense of "achievement", for a fancy job title and for your ego? aAcog in a wheel and nothing more. He's very lucky - he does not have to sell his time to anyone in order to live - that is true freedom.

This puritanical ideal of work being good and rest being bad has damaged our society hugely. The idea that resting is sinful causes so many mental health problems.

Are you suggesting he's dishonest??

Allowed... he is an adult, he doesn't need to be 'allowed' to do anything.

Second property management IS a career and if it include owning your own then a pretty lucrative one. If people are privileged enough to get on that path they are probably going to strike it quite rich.

I know the management company that runs my rental house aren't doing it for the love and passion of organizing emergency roof repairs, chasing payments, taking complaints and driving around doing annual inspections for hundreds of randomers. They do it for the paycheck, they paycheck they get paid by the landlord making a killing on his investments.

Same as my experience. It's not true that all wealthy families want to keep all their money to themselves, treat a less wealthy DIL with suspicion and take steps to avoid sharing the family wealth etc. Some are decent, and welcome any new family member with open arms. Did I marry my OH for his family money? No of course I didn't. But had my life been easier because I did? Yes of course it has! We're currently on holiday in one of their family holiday homes abroad, I (jointly) own a property that would never ever have been within reach otherwise, and we don't have to worry about money. If either of us lose our jobs, we'll still be able to pay the mortgage etc. Honestly, your DD could v v lucky, if he's a decent man. And I wouldn't automatically think he won't be, simple having money doesn't make you horrible.

By the time he’s your age though, his resume will be far superior compared to yours. It’ll be filled with board positions, advisory positions, maybe a start up business for which he’s hired a CEO to do all the work for him, etc, all of which sound really important but involve fuck all. But it will seem like he has worked far harder all his life compared to you, and does far more high level and complex work.

I don’t think that’s fair but then I think people who insist on taking the hard way (like you) have quite grasped reality either, as admirable as your work ethic is

that should say “I don’t think people who take the hard way out have grasped reality”

It sounds like he already has a living and doesn't need to work. ISTM that that's a matter for him.

Huh? Why should he work if he's independently wealthy?

In fact, his CV now probably says property manager of a portfolio worth xyz mil. That’s the thing about capital - it makes capital for you. I know quite a few c level execs and they don’t work as hard as the public thinks. In fact, most genuinely barely work.

This isn’t personal against you, OP, but your thread and others (eg people on MN ranting against WFH) make me wonder why the masses are keen to prostrate themselves before a workhouse era notion of “work ethic”, propagated by the higher classes for their own benefit. Mind boggling

Living off rental income..... Ugh.
Someone else's hard work/income pays for his life. Ugh again.

What a **ed-up society we live in.

So you would be happier if he worked in a dead end job earning next to nothing then?

Why do people keep banging on about living off daddy, family trust fund could be from his mum , grandparents or any other family member op hasn't said . I'm surprised that on here so many people seem to think it must be from his daddy

Only fools and horses work op

That’s the thing though — he won’t be! He’ll be one of the superiors and bosses OP refers to in her post. He already has impressive credentials as manager of an xyz mil property portfolio. I have seen many young people — buffered by family connections, educational background, accent privilege and wealth — parachuted to the top by their late 20s and 30s. The system isn’t great, but it is what it is

I don’t mean direct superiors and bosses on the ground clearly — OP won’t have to take direct orders from the likes of him, but I have seen people take senior roles high up in the organisation due to their similar level work in daddy and mummy’s global foundation

OP This is AIBU. Any views expressed on here are not necessarily those of the person posting them.

Are you expressing any of this feeling to your daughter? I’d ease off a bit if you are, you’ll drive a wedge if you’re not careful.

her boyfriend hasn’t ‘taken the easy way out’ or ‘chosen’ this life, we are 100% a product of our upbringings, so you can’t hold him in contempt for having wealthy parents, he’s making the most of his life circumstances, so good on him. All you need to know is if he’s a decent human being and what he does for money isn’t really a factor in that.

are you worried you don’t have anything in common with him? Or are you too busy looking down your nose at him because he’s never had a ‘proper job’? Whatever is going on here you need to learn to live and let live.

"Allowed"? Where do live, North Korea?

It sounds like bliss. I hate working.