To be shocked that a man in his mid-twenties does not work for a living?

[queenofsheep]

DD's boyfriend, older than DD by a year, does not work. He got his degree, now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund. AIBU to be shocked that there are men/boys in their twenties who are allowed to do this?

He and DD seem happy. DD isn't concerned at all. He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses. He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties.

You know that saying that if you’re doing something you love you never do a day’s work? It’s true.

Haha, sex workers are useful to their clients.
at lot of furlough jobs were hospitality jobs, and we are missing them now as you see restaurants still struggling to re-hire…
also you ignored the last part of my question!

He will have bought them with inherited wealth. That would mean he’s savvy, rather than frittering his money away. He’s invested it in a viable business - property. Do you also judge people who start businesses with financial help from their parents or whose parents gift them deposits for a house or even give/buy a house outright for them? There will always be people who are given more help than others in life.

He will have bought then

It’s likely the properties have been owned by his family and gifted to him. This is a popular method of passing assets down to the next generation to side step paying inheritance tax.

Im not judging him. You’re making the judgement that he’s “savvy” not me.

I suggested that a young person supported by a trust fund may not have the drive, direction, ethics or personal responsibility of a young person who has to be self sufficient.

Of course there will always be inequalities in wealth in our society- that’s just stating the obvious.

This thread is brilliant

It’s likely the properties have been owned by his family and gifted to him. This is a popular method of passing assets down to the next generation to side step paying inheritance tax

It’s also popular for wealthy people to buy properties themselves and build a portfolio.

So we’ve no idea, especially as the OP has ignored multiple people asking if the properties he manage number in the 1’s, 100’s or something in between, if he was gifted then despite your determinations that he’s a waste of space with no drive.

If he was that lazy he wouldn’t have a degree. Many lazy people drop out even without money to back them. That he has a degree when he may not actually need one says a lot about him (although I’ve no doubt any mention of that will have people staying an assumption that is was an easy degree).

*stating an assumption

well perhaps he's just waiting for your daughter to get pregnant so he can stay and look after the baby. Then you'll be able to respect him again eh?

which is a class difference, and is simply showing a lack of imagination on your behalf

What degree did he do at Uni? Are you worried he won't support DD to give up work once a baby comes?

As his MOM i might be annoyed we'd paid for Uni if he was sitting around partying and playing X Box in his pants, but depends what he does all day?

I haven’t said he’s a lazy waste of space.

Its interesting to analyse the gentry. Is setting up a trust fund for your offspring and allowing them to receive generous monthly payments to subsidise their lifestyle (they want for nothing) actually doing them a disservice?

I accept some people are born into great privilege and they will never experience the reality of the working classes. I realise many people are in a fortunate position to play the system by raking in fortunes by simply renting out properties at todays vastly inflated rates.
Do I respect and admire them? No I don’t.

It certainly makes me baulk when people like this don’t recognise their privilege and push the Tory narrative that anyone can achieve what they have if only they worked harder to better themselves. (That’s a little off topic I admit)

"Just because someone gets paid doesn’t make their job useful" - That's ridiculous.

If you're getting paid, it means someone is using the service you provide. Therefore, you are contributing something to someone.

I think the point is that often, they are not providing any service whatsoever, and still getting paid.

But it's often something incredibly destructive and damaging, contributing to global warming or pollution, for example, or propping up an economy based on overconsumption of limited resources. Many services, of course, will be genuinely useful and positive. It depends.

gosh… the OP isn’t coming out well here. Jealousy appears the main motive. I can’t be bothered with martyrs. Why on earth should this man get a job if he doesn’t need one.

the comment about taking the easy option is particularly funny.

I think it’s disingenuous to assume op is motivated by jealousy.
Its a cop out when any lifestyle is criticised on here to shut the discussion down with accusations of jealousy..usually closely followed with the insult “you’re judgemental “

I’d question the pitfalls of my daughter pairing up with a man who had never been in employment and appeared to live a charmed life on family money. Particularly if my daughter had a very working class upbringing.
Would a couple from vastly different socioeconomic environments have an equal relationship for example, or the same principles, or goals?

Its fine to question that isn’t it?
Op’s dd appears to have adopted his lifestyle- frequent holidays, partying, perhaps not working after graduation (?) I assume this lifestyle all paid for by his acquired wealth. Most mothers would secretly have some reservations.

If it was my daughter I’d be doing some good background checks to make sure he was born with a silver spoon and isn’t a drug dealer or a walter Mitty - if he’s legit old money she should marry him he’ll be there for all the pick ups and school holidays.

Background checks on an adult child’s partner - that’s a ridiculous suggestion

Why? I’d do background checks on any new partner - I’m not in my 20s and naively believing everyone is who they say they are.

And if an adult wishes to do checks on their partner that’s fine.

Taking it upon yourself to do it for a child’s partner, particularly just to establish their financial situation, is a massive overstep and would very likely alienate the adult child if they found out.

That is actually a really good point. Does she know for sure about where his money comes from?

I doubt being concerned for and protecting your childs future would be considered an overstep by any non neurotic adult child insofar as it would alienate them tbh

If I’m honest I’m just jealous! I mean he is managing the properties. He’s fortunate….

I mean yes there is this….

I think that you are too wrapped up in thinking that the only way to earn money is going to work for other people or being self employed in businesses where you work for 8 hours each day and you get paid for your physical work that day

Look around at how people earn their money. Open your mind that people don’t want to be putting in the slog of a 9-5 job for 50 years and then their pension pays out and they get to stay at home in declining health for a few years before dying

Is that truly what you want for your dd

If you find it strange how he earns money then why haven’t you researched it to understand it better.

Taking it upon yourself to do background checks into their partner isn’t a normal thing to do - it’s a massive overstep.

talking to them and making sure, as they grow up, that they know not to take everything at face value and to do their own checks if needed is what most people do.

Any MIL posting on here about doing background checks into a woman would get utterly lambasted.