To be shocked that a man in his mid-twenties does not work for a living?

[queenofsheep]

DD's boyfriend, older than DD by a year, does not work. He got his degree, now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund. AIBU to be shocked that there are men/boys in their twenties who are allowed to do this?

He and DD seem happy. DD isn't concerned at all. He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses. He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties.

Most of us work in order to have an income, but he has an income so why would he need to get a traditional job?
If I was you I’d be pleased that my daughter has a boyfriend who seems to have financial security for his future.

But he is working, just not the 9-5 that most people on here regard as work.
If he is managing rentals it is called Estate Management - not that it is really any of your business.
Why worry about it, as long as he is clean, tidy, polite and treats your daughter well?

People talk about 'old money'. I grew up in a village with a Lord of the Manor. He did enormous good for the people locally. He served in both World Wars and was highly decorated for bravery. When he died his daughter had to sell the Manor house, where many other people who had difficulties lived, to pay death duties.

She maintained her father's good works. For example she sent my grandfather and granny on a convalescent holiday every so often because his lungs were damaged in WW1. It is a pretty village and house prices soon were out of reach of local young people so they had to leave. She tried to re-establish an old industry so there was employment and built houses for local people only. She herself lived so frugally it was almost uninhabitable where she lived with leaking roofs and old wiring. But she put her duty to local people first. The nouveau riche arrivals opposed her attempts to bring work and a reliable income to the young local people. They even opposed her plans for establishing a health centre because transport to the nearest town was dire and the old people especially were suffering from lack of health care.

My dad was from an old farming family and had close ties with her. Her had hit rock bottom but was too proud to take any government benefits. He always told told me to 'judge a man by his deeds'. Obviously he meant women too but he was born in 1910. In the village I saw many rich people from 'old' families who were generous, hard-working, and their children all had jobs. I saw many 'nouveau riche' who put on airs and graces and the women then just lounged around in make-up making the people born in the village do their housework. I also saw young people who took drugs and didn't work.

Rich people are not all the same. The ones from 'old families' who were land-owners where I grew up were good and cared about the everybody in the place where they lived. Obviously there must be some who were not good, but luckily I did not meet them. The only people who thought they were too 'posh' to be polite to someone like my dad were those jumped-up newly wealthy people with no values and no respect. We used to laugh at them. Except when they got ponies and did not look after them properly.

"By their deeds shall ye know them". This probably comes from Matthew chapter 7 where "deeds" is explained as the "fruits" of what people do. No matter what they look like or say, you'll know if they are good by the results of what they do.
King James Version: Matthew 7
15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

Sorry it should say "he had hit rock bottom". The farm was lost in my father's father's day through his illness. But my dad went back as an adult and worked there with the Tenant Farmer and Managed it. During WW2 he did the work of 5 men and even increased the farm's yield by keeping chicken and hens for eggs. He taught people to keep their own hens too. He was responsible for the milk for everybody as well as growing crops and fodder for the cows in winter. He had a little help from time to time.

Rich people are not all the same. The ones from 'old families' who were land-owners where I grew up were good and cared about the everybody in the place where they lived. Obviously there must be some who were not good, but luckily I did not meet them. The only people who thought they were too 'posh' to be polite to someone like my dad were those jumped-up newly wealthy people with no values and no respect.

You admit yourself that your sample size is tiny.

This stereotype shows up on Mn a lot -- the indigent aristocrats with their leaky roofs and old wiring, all noblesse oblige and feudal duties, and the brash, feckless, workshy nouveau riche mistreating their ponies and 'making people born in the village do their housework for them'.

This post says a lot about you, but not what I suspect you think it does. You're a snob.

Surely this is the crux? Is he a decent person or is he a lazy selfish person? If he manages his rental property well and is fair to his tenants and maintains the properties, he's doing a good job. It's actually a difficult job to rent out property. If on the other hand he hands the responsibility over to an Agent, takes the money and spends it on himself without any concern for others, maybe he is selfish and has little personality.

I guess we just don't know. I hope the young lady can judge and that love hasn't swept her off her feet and made her not see any problems. Love does that - I know! Let's pray he is a good man.

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I was simply telling the truth. I grew up in the 1950s. I was just mentioning that people I knew who apparently had privilege worked hard, served their country and put others before themselves. I wanted to give this small experience because it seemed only fair. I appreciate it is just a small sample. But there are people from all walks of life who could easily not have to go out to work but who take up a cause or who do whatever they can to help others. I have known many. Then there are many who enter a profession out of a real calling such as Nursing, out of a desire to help others and would do it even if someone paid them not to work.

It is about attitude and about not judging people. I would be glad therefore if you did not judge me.

I think things might have changed with the landed gentry. Certainly we saw horrible things in the Royals. So I am very aware that not all landed gentry are good people - I did say that -just as the great majority of poor people are very decent people. My point was simply we cannot just make assumptions because of a person's background. If you saw the lady of the Manor with whom my dad was friends together with dad feeding the sheep, you's assume she was a lowly farm worker. Indeed in the 1980s onwards that is how the newcomers to the village saw her and looked down on her.

If you knew more about me you would know that 'snob' is the most inappropriate description of me. I just thought it worth explaining that there are some people who are decent who have property etc. and they do work very hard.

I do hope you don't jump to conclusions too quickly about people. What we write here is just a small snapshot of something we have experienced. It cannot give the whole picture of what we are or what we do.

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You said:
This stereotype shows up on Mn a lot -- the indigent aristocrats with their leaky roofs and old wiring, all noblesse oblige and feudal duties, and the brash, feckless, workshy nouveau riche mistreating their ponies and 'making people born in the village do their housework for them'.

I had no idea it was a stereotype, neither have I seen it in MN, let alone 'a lot'.

Maybe the fact that you think this says a lot about you? Why are you so upset that this is a 'stereotype'? Which bit bothers you? The poverty of the aristocrats' houses or the 'workshy' nouveau riche?

The things I wrote about are facts. I saw them. The leaking roofs, the neglected ponies and more... The ponies would be left in the fields rented by their owners, without water and without shelter when the temperature was below freezing. My father loved animals and horses especially. He would break the ice on their water trough and bring them hay. We went to them every day including Christmas day. Their owners were nowhere to be seen. When he spoke to their owners about shelter. They treated him as someone beneath them. He had cared for horses since he could toddle and even the Vet once told me that dad knew more than he did about how to handle a horse.

You cannot wipe away the truth by calling it a 'stereotype'.

Think! Why might stereotypes appear at all?

Think! Why might stereotypes appear at all?

Stereotypes are created and perpetuated to normalise inequality.

In your case (and you're absolutely not alone in this the stereotypes in your post are very common on Mn, though there's often a pair of black labs, a rattlebag car, an elderly duke who dresses like a tramp and a brash newcomer in brand-new Hunter wellies who thinks he's the hired help until they overhear him being addressed as 'your Grace'...), it appears to be in order to naturalise a traditional, feudal structure of authority you find appealing because it is vanishing the rich man in his castle, the poor man at his gate etc etc.

You appear to find feudalism appealing to a large extent because this class structure constructed your father as locally important and respected -- he was friends with the 'lady of the manor' (whose status for you outlasts her inherited privilege), whereas the nouveau riche newcomers looked down on them both, which for you cements your father/the lady of the manor's high status, and the newcomers' failure to recognise that clearly for you cements their brash materialism. The latter have upended the relationship between traditional privilege and money and you don't like that.

And yes, it is snobbery. You are being snobbish about your father's status in the 'traditional' village structure, treasured by the traditionally high-status figures like the 'lady of the manor' and the vet, and remarkably snobbish about the 'newcomers', whom you describe as ' those jumped-up newly wealthy people with no values and no respect.' Who, not only are rude to your father, but also neglect their animals.

It’s where most Tory politicians come from !!

Well I'm not a Tory