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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked that a man in his mid-twenties does not work for a living?

611 replies

queenofsheep · 01/08/2023 16:48

DD's boyfriend, older than DD by a year, does not work. He got his degree, now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund. AIBU to be shocked that there are men/boys in their twenties who are allowed to do this?

He and DD seem happy. DD isn't concerned at all. He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses. He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties.

OP posts:
Chowtime · 01/08/2023 17:54

pimlicopubber · 01/08/2023 17:00

My only concern as a mum would be to ensure my daughter doesn't quit her ambitions just because she has a trust fund boyfriend.
Even if they were to marry, it's good for women to hold on to at least some of their earning potential, unless they have an excellent prenup and would be entitled to a ridiculous amount of money in case of divorce, death or illness of the partner.
Other than that, lucky lad, good for him!

There is absolutely no way that man is getting married to anyone who doesn't have a similar income.

EffortlessDesmond · 01/08/2023 17:54

I haven't had a job for donkeys years, but I was self-employed for a long time, and since then I have been a small time landlord, but in commercial property.

Monster80 · 01/08/2023 17:55

Being a landlord is a job - depending on number of properties and the scale of them - a busy one. Assuming these properties do not have mortgages on them that sounds like a nice situation to me, with plenty of options.

ManateeFair · 01/08/2023 17:55

'Allowed'?! He's in his mid-20s. He can do what he likes. Weird that you say 'men/boys' too - he's not a boy. And why it is it only shocking that there are 'men/boys' who don't work, rather than people in general? I'm sure there are women in his situation too - why aren't you shocked by that as well?

He's a grown adult. Nobody can make an adult get a job if they don't want to (whether their income comes from a trust fund or whether it comes from benefits or whether they choose to sleep in a cardboard box and eat out of bins). He clearly has enough income not to need to work, so why would he feel he should? He's very lucky to have a family wealthy enough to have set up a trust fund for him, and apparently he has property too if he has income from rentals. He's certainly landed on his feet and has a charmed life, but given that's the case, why wouldn't he make the most of that and leave the jobs out there for people who actually need them? Is it any of your business where his money comes from, really?

I can tell you now that if I was lucky enough not to need a job, I damn well wouldn't be working either!

PoseyFlump · 01/08/2023 17:58

Basically it's the same as thinking all
MP's should have proper normal jobs instead of just being career politicians after doing politics at Oxford and getting Daddy to buy them a constituency

Not quite. I like my MPs with some life experience.

YourOpinion · 01/08/2023 17:58

There could be more to it? I don’t work , I had two jobs at 18. One lasted 3 months the next 7 weeks . Never worked again. My dh family don’t like it and ask a lot of questions. They dont realise that I have some serious difficulties and medical issues. Lots of talk about them being taxpayers and supporting me etc etc 😞

Joey2323 · 01/08/2023 17:58

You’re worried about a young man who has a clearly successful property/investment portfolio and is clearly a capable business owner?

miniaturepixieonacid · 01/08/2023 17:59

As long as people can support themselves and aren't doing anything illegal then I don't think it's anyoneelse's concern how they make their money.

People will always have differing interests, skill sets and opportunities in life.

I have a friend who is a professional poker player. I had no idea that that was a thing until I met him. Seems bizarre to me but he earns enough to support himself and has a lot of leisure time so 🤷‍♀️

Spendonsend · 01/08/2023 17:59

I dont think work is virtuous in its own right on the whole. Its just a means to buy shelter and food. I know some jobs "do good" as well but its not the fact they are work thst makes them good.

gingerguineapig · 01/08/2023 18:00

You could say that it's more ethical not to work if you have a private income, as you're not taking a job away from someone who needs the money.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/08/2023 18:00

It does show you how uneven life’s starting points can be. But it’s well known that this is the case so 🤷🏻‍♀️

TonTonMacoute · 01/08/2023 18:01

latetothefisting · 01/08/2023 17:49

I'm sorry but this is complete BS. It's perfectly easy for young middle class men to get a job, as the vast majority do! The fact you know ONE person who can't get a job isn't evidence of anything (other than perhaps he's being too picky about the types of jobs he's applying for!).

In response to to OP - So...he's basically a landlord? Which is a job....

And even if he wasn't...I wouldn't work if I didn't have to. Surely loads of people wouldn't? Most people give up work if they win the lottery for example. There have been millions of headlines recently bemoaning about people between 50-65 retiring early, nobody is suggesting that shouldn't be "allowed". If you can support yourself without working then why would you be under any obligation to do so, your age or how you support yourself is irrelevant.

Show quote history

What sort of job do you suggest he apply for then?

No driving license.

gingerguineapig · 01/08/2023 18:01

There is absolutely no way that man is getting married to anyone who doesn't have a similar income

Indeed, the wealthy don't marry poorer people and share the wealth around, they marry other people who are wealthy.

Original poster
queenofsheep · 01/08/2023 18:02

AutumnCrow · 01/08/2023 17:20

He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties

Attend parties? Why on earth is that comment-worthy, OP?

Because my own parents stopped paying for my nights out once I got my first job at 16. I had to pay for my own leisure.

OP posts:
Mothermotherd · 01/08/2023 18:02

As others have said, we would all do this if we could.

I hate when people on here say ‘you seem jealous’ but I would not let his good fortune affect your envy. It won’t do you any favours. Don’t waste time resenting people for having it better than you because it’s utterly pointless.

PuppyMonkey · 01/08/2023 18:03

No OP, this is definitely not allowed. Report him, or log it with 101, or maybe leave a note.

mn29 · 01/08/2023 18:03

dizzydizzydizzy · 01/08/2023 16:52

Speaking from experience, even managing one property is a big hassle. How many is he managing?

It might be a hassle but it’s not a full time job, plenty of people do it in addition to their day job.

Original poster
queenofsheep · 01/08/2023 18:03

ManateeFair · 01/08/2023 17:55

'Allowed'?! He's in his mid-20s. He can do what he likes. Weird that you say 'men/boys' too - he's not a boy. And why it is it only shocking that there are 'men/boys' who don't work, rather than people in general? I'm sure there are women in his situation too - why aren't you shocked by that as well?

He's a grown adult. Nobody can make an adult get a job if they don't want to (whether their income comes from a trust fund or whether it comes from benefits or whether they choose to sleep in a cardboard box and eat out of bins). He clearly has enough income not to need to work, so why would he feel he should? He's very lucky to have a family wealthy enough to have set up a trust fund for him, and apparently he has property too if he has income from rentals. He's certainly landed on his feet and has a charmed life, but given that's the case, why wouldn't he make the most of that and leave the jobs out there for people who actually need them? Is it any of your business where his money comes from, really?

I can tell you now that if I was lucky enough not to need a job, I damn well wouldn't be working either!

Just can't imagine that lifestyle myself

OP posts:
GoodChat · 01/08/2023 18:04

Are you suggesting that working for his family is not 'real work' and that they're funding his lifestyle?

Marwoodsbigbreak · 01/08/2023 18:04

Can you explain what your problem with this is OP?

DS has two close friends who don’t work, in mid twenties. One has a Trust Fund income as his close relative was a renowned author. The other has a father who is a billionaire.

They each have lovely artistic hobbies they work really hard at, but get little financial reward for.

Why should this not be “allowed?”

Original poster
queenofsheep · 01/08/2023 18:05

GoodChat · 01/08/2023 18:04

Are you suggesting that working for his family is not 'real work' and that they're funding his lifestyle?

Well, if you've ever had a real job and had to get bossed around by your superiors and colleagues, I think he's taken the easy way out in comparison...

OP posts:
Hayliebells · 01/08/2023 18:05

Chowtime · 01/08/2023 17:54

There is absolutely no way that man is getting married to anyone who doesn't have a similar income.

Show quote history

That might be true for men you know, but it's not true for all. I married a man from a wealthy family, and I didn't have a pot to piss in, nor was I in a career where I would likely earn as much as him. Luckily for me, that wasn't important to him, and he has been very supportive of my (somewhat underpaid but worthy) career.

Royaly82 · 01/08/2023 18:06

Lucky him! So he should 'work' even though he already does something to bring in money/mainten his finances?
And he goes to parties and on nice holidays...so what?

romany4 · 01/08/2023 18:07

Yabu

Mind your own business

StopStartStop · 01/08/2023 18:07

now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund.

**
Lovely. Not a problem at all.