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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked that a man in his mid-twenties does not work for a living?

611 replies

queenofsheep · 01/08/2023 16:48

DD's boyfriend, older than DD by a year, does not work. He got his degree, now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund. AIBU to be shocked that there are men/boys in their twenties who are allowed to do this?

He and DD seem happy. DD isn't concerned at all. He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses. He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties.

OP posts:
Frabbits · 01/08/2023 17:37

If the guy has sufficient income to maintain his lifestyle than all power to him.

lovenotwar149 · 01/08/2023 17:38

I would say its up to him

sheworemellowyellow · 01/08/2023 17:38

I think you have a narrow view of what’s right and wrong. There’s nothing inherently moral about being an employee (I’m assuming that by “work” you mean holding down a job that someone else pays him to do). Very, very many people live moral, productive, useful lives without being employees or in other paid work.

tsmainsqueeze · 01/08/2023 17:39

drpet49 · 01/08/2023 17:01

I wouldn’t be attracted a man who didn’t earn a honest living.

Why would this be dishonest ?
He may be a hardworking decent landlord to his tenants for all you know.

Jobalob · 01/08/2023 17:41

If he has several properties and manages them himself he is working, being a decent landlord takes time and effort

TaraRhu · 01/08/2023 17:41

It is unfair but not wrong. I have a friend who lives off rental income. She was given a tonne of money from her father. I think the most important thing is tgst they realise how lucky they are. My friend always pretends like her Income is a result of her life choices. It's not, it's the result of her family's choice to give her enough money to have rental properties. She works from time to time doing jewellery design and her husband does some handyman stuff. They have about £800k in assets.

rosetintedmemories2023 · 01/08/2023 17:42

My dad owns commercial property with a business partner (who is basically very old and retired). He owns it through a limited company. He rents it out so his 'job' is collecting rent, hiring repairmen, keeping his tenants happy, doing his accounts, monitoring his stock portfolio and also looking for new properties to buy and develop (in reality he hasn't bought any new property since I was 13 so no new properties to develop). He also drives my mum to and from and work as well as my sister (who is now a doctor with night shifts) and does the majority of the family admin so has a full day.

It never occurred to me growing up that he was unemployed LOL. I would say the same even if he didn't have any kids. He did work before but stopped when he founded his company (when I was 3 years old) so basically this is all i have ever known.

Noicant · 01/08/2023 17:43

Tbh if he doesn’t need a job somebody else would probably like it. If you don’t need to work and you don’t you clear the decks a little for someone who could do with it. As long as your DD is making sure she’s getting on with building herself a career I wouldn’t worry too much what he’s doing.

rosetintedmemories2023 · 01/08/2023 17:43

Oh and my dad didn't come from money at all, his business partner provided the capital in the early days and my dad repaid him.

Caroparo52 · 01/08/2023 17:43

He is working... he's managing his rental properties and investing his Trust Fund.

MakeMineADouble81 · 01/08/2023 17:44

To have a passive income is my dream....

BillaBongGirl · 01/08/2023 17:44

queenofsheep · 01/08/2023 16:48

DD's boyfriend, older than DD by a year, does not work. He got his degree, now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund. AIBU to be shocked that there are men/boys in their twenties who are allowed to do this?

He and DD seem happy. DD isn't concerned at all. He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses. He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties.

People are allowed to be independently wealthy. Even countries that didn’t allow it, they still existed but were called “Party Officials”.

Begsthequestion · 01/08/2023 17:45

Wait till you hear about the aristocracy - better make sure you're sitting down for that!

MsCactus · 01/08/2023 17:47

I knew a couple like this when we were 21. She had a decent career, his parents were mega wealthy and owned multiple properties in London. He used to sit there on his phone just making offers on random London houses.

It seemed great - but actually his partner got really unhappy with him. He didn't have a real job really, nothing to do, had no friends and no purpose. She tried to get him to get into law but he just didn't turn up for the interviews as he had no motive.

Their lives were just very different - and eventually they split (I think for that reason)

Twilight7777 · 01/08/2023 17:47

Allowed? 😂

Crinkle77 · 01/08/2023 17:48

Urgh I jealous!

Sleepydoor · 01/08/2023 17:48

Sounds like half the male love interests in Jane Austen novels...

megletthesecond · 01/08/2023 17:49

He's stinking rich. There's no need for him to have a 9-5.

CringeLicious · 01/08/2023 17:49

I have a friend who will reach official retirement age next year. They have never worked in their life, although they run a small charity. The family surname would be familiar in some circles.

latetothefisting · 01/08/2023 17:49

TonTonMacoute · 01/08/2023 17:25

Unless you want to go and work for a hedge fund or some other despised City job it's surprisingly hard for young middle class white men to get jobs these days - especially if you went to a public school.

A friend of my son is in the position, he's a quiet sensitive sort who is interested in literature and publishing. He has applied for hundreds of jobs over the last two years and has had one interview. He's been working as an unpaid intern during that time and has finally thought sod this.

He has an inheritance and frankly has some pretty high expectations for the future, so is going to make his own career somehow. I don't blame him.

I'm sorry but this is complete BS. It's perfectly easy for young middle class men to get a job, as the vast majority do! The fact you know ONE person who can't get a job isn't evidence of anything (other than perhaps he's being too picky about the types of jobs he's applying for!).

In response to to OP - So...he's basically a landlord? Which is a job....

And even if he wasn't...I wouldn't work if I didn't have to. Surely loads of people wouldn't? Most people give up work if they win the lottery for example. There have been millions of headlines recently bemoaning about people between 50-65 retiring early, nobody is suggesting that shouldn't be "allowed". If you can support yourself without working then why would you be under any obligation to do so, your age or how you support yourself is irrelevant.

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/08/2023 17:50

It isn't for me. I also wouldn't be in a relationship with someone like that either but it isn't shocking at all.

loislovesstewie · 01/08/2023 17:51

You do realise that there are many people doing exactly that. They buy properties let them out and manage them.

Newusernamebecause · 01/08/2023 17:51

I would not work if I didn't have to.

lordloveadog · 01/08/2023 17:52

Going to go against the grain here and say I would not create a set up like that for my children. I don't think it would be good for them at all.

I'd be glad for them to have the financial stability to know they could pursue a difficult and poorly paid career if they wanted (art, academia...). But I wouldn't have them living a life based only on taking money off other people who need homes.

And now I think about it, no-one I know among plenty of people who could afford this has let their kids grow up without expecting them to do something constructive with their lives.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/08/2023 17:53

Oh yet another prejudice I have discovered from reading this thread

I respect people who work in normal jobs for a LONG time and eventually manage to save/leverage/take risks to buy a property/properties (or have other passive income)

But I don't respect people who are just given it for free and just manage them 🤷‍♀️

Basically it's the same as thinking all
MP's should have proper normal jobs instead of just being career politicians after doing politics at Oxford and getting Daddy to buy them a constituency Grin

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