To be shocked that a man in his mid-twenties does not work for a living?

[queenofsheep]

DD's boyfriend, older than DD by a year, does not work. He got his degree, now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund. AIBU to be shocked that there are men/boys in their twenties who are allowed to do this?

He and DD seem happy. DD isn't concerned at all. He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses. He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties.

Nothing unfortunate about it at all...

When I was in my early 20’s a colleague gave up working just because she wanted to. She was also early 20’s. She was allowed to do that just the same as I was allowed to keep working.

He’s the one that might need to be concerned, this post is a massive red flag for me.

“allowed” 😳

He’s got more than one residual income, he’s doing great.

Well someone is allowing/ facilitating/supporting a 20 year old refusing to work!
The state won’t support a person who has made themselves deliberately unemployed. So yes someone is “allowing” her to make that choice.

In the same way that a lot of wealthy families allow their offspring to live a lifestyle supported by family money.

Not all 20 year olds (from very wealthy families) receive an allowance from a trust fund to fund their lifestyle. Some families allow it, some don’t.

Well, if he's got several properties he rents and manages then... That's a work right?

Now generally speaking, I'd be shocked if women/girls (not just men/boys) in their twenties didn't work/had a job

I've known young women who reasonably had to give up careers to be a SAHM.

See the above.

Yep.

I find it creepy that his girlfriend's mom is eyeballing his income and assets to this extent.

I know a young woman who has never worked. Not one day. She's early 30s. Two kids. They're both secondary now or one night be y6 but plenty old enough for her to work. She's out partying a lot for someone who doesn't have a job.
I'd be more concerned about someone like that

And have you known young men who 'reasonably' had to give up careers to be a SAHP?

Who gets to decide if it's "reasonable" for someone to give up a job - irrespective of their age?

If someone gives up work without something important (e.g. caring for children/elderly parents) to occupy them AND they expect the state to support them, they'd get short shrift from me. BUT if they have assets and/or a secure income stream so that they are able to financially support themselves, good for them.

I mean, I'd have thought their life would be more fulfilling if they had a focus or three to occupy them, be that an artistic or sporting interest, volunteering, whatever. But at the end of the day, if they're not being a burden on anyone else, it's no-one else's business.

The whole "living off other people's labour" is a vast oversimplification. If you run a business and employ people, you are living off other people's labour - but you have had to put something in (money, time, ingenuity) to be in a position to do that. If you own shares in one or more companies (and if you have a pension, you do), you are gaining an income based on other people's labour.

If you have money in a deposit account, the bank pays you interest. They're able to do that because they lend your money to other people for their mortgages and personal/business loans and receive interest from them, which they earn through their work - so the interest you are getting is being paid for by other people's labour.

To object to that in principle is essentially saying you want a communist system, where no-one owns anything. Or are people saying that profiting from other people's labour is OK on a small scale, but not if you rely on it for your entire livelihood? Why the difference?

I have to agree with @PuzzledObserver in questioning your stance on this?

Its not clear but is it socially acceptable (to you) for a SAHM to be financially supported? However a man being (at least in part) financially supported by his family’s money is not?

Do you have reservations about your dd becoming financially reliant on this man and not developing her own independence?

I would be a little concerned about how their very different socio economic circumstances blend as a couple.

There have been rich wastrels like this for hundreds of years. Jane Austen's books have numerous examples.

The "who decides if it's reasonable" are the parents, who if they are responsible and decent parents don't supply their offspring with too much fortune too soon (they may of course inconveniently die but will generally then leave the bulk of the fortune in trust till age 35)

He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses

If there are a lot of houses and he does it all himself, rather than using agents, that could be a lot of work.

No-one would say a letting agent didn’t work.

I haven’t worked since I was 21. I got pregnant then and quit university and working to look after my baby. Then when she was 2 years old and her baby brother 6 weeks old we moved to America and I wasn’t allowed to work as my visa doesn’t allow it.

im 42 with no work history or qualification to a make me a desirable employee. I also have no experience of work in half a life time so no
desire to start now.

inly difference between me and that man is I lived in poverty without nice holidays etc. but if I had a work visa tomorrow I still wouldn’t want to get a job. I’m too used to having my time for my hobbies.

He has a business though… (and if I didn’t have to work I wouldn’t either!)

It's surely a matter of principle as well as a genuine concern? Where I grew up, people worked unless they couldn't.

Really? There were no stay at home parents? Or retired people? Or people running their own businesses? Why is working for someone else the holy grail? And why would anyone do it if they didn’t have to?

Having to take care of a child would be a valid reason (although the family still needs a breadwinner). There were unemployed and retired. The unemployed would rather be employed. The retired were usually lifelong taxpayers.

So no self employed business owners like your daughter’s bloke?

Why is managing properties not an honest living?

I

They actually had to stay on the shop counter or drive around fixing stuff!

So different kinds of businesses. 🤷‍♀️

All the “people ought to work” stuff is an opinion, no more. Why should people work?

Work has many benefits - including earning money, but also (potentially) providing social contact, a sense of purpose and fulfillment, a means through which interests can be channelled and expanded.

But apart from the money bit, all the others can be achieved in other ways. And for many people, work is a slog, with little joy or achievement.

I worked for 35 years. Then I’d had enough. And I could afford to stop, so I did. Lots of people would like to stop when I did (57) cos they’re knackered and fed up too, but they can’t afford it. I don’t see how it would help them in any way, shape or form if I had carried on. It would just have made me miserable.

How many people did you know who worked even though they could easily afford not to?

I’d bet not many.