Page 17 | To be shocked that a man in his mid-twenties does not work for a living?

queenofsheep · 2023-08-01T15:48:51+00:00

DD's boyfriend, older than DD by a year, does not work. He got his degree, now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund. AIBU to be shocked that there are men/boys in their twenties who are allowed to do this? He and DD seem happy. DD isn't concerned at all. He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses. He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties.

Vettrianofan · 03/08/2023 08:24

GoodChat · 01/08/2023 17:03

If he's managing properties he's not not working...

Passive income isn't it. Feels like it is not a job of any great substance.

Anele22 · 03/08/2023 08:26

Turefu · 01/08/2023 17:24

Managing properties is a hard work, unless he uses agency, which charges and not always delivers. He’s running his property business. Sounds like he’s a landlord. I'm a bit surprised by the answers though, as on MN landlords are scum of the earth.

Quite. Unless of course the OP is questioning that and then she needs to be told off!

SmileyClare · 03/08/2023 08:39

Lucky him

Well quite, fortune has allowed this bloke to be living a luxurious life on the benefits of inherited money and property.

Ive no idea why posters are tying themselves in knots denying he receives an allowance That is how a family trust fund works.
He didn’t earn that money, he’s just very privileged to benefit from his family’s wealth.

And no, living off inherited assets is not the same as earning a living as a successful published author.

Hopefully he recognises his privilege and doesn’t bleat on about how he works as hard as anyone else, and how hard life is managIng all the properties he’s inherited from dad.

Id be concerned about the enormous disparities in background between my dd and a boyfriend like this. They’re from different worlds and he is in a far more powerful position due to his wealth.

NotTerfNorCis · 03/08/2023 08:44

It's not fair, but life isn't fair I guess.

Cosyblankets · 03/08/2023 08:45

ConfusingTrousers · 02/08/2023 23:10

@gidabo is quite right, whether you all find it hilarious or not. I pay more rent than I'd pay on a mortgage on the same property. But the current system says I "can't afford" a mortgage so nobody will give me one, and the rent i pay ensures I'll never have enough money to qualify.
You lot keep laughing, though.

A very simplistic way of looking at renting.
You may pay more per month. That is true. But you didn't need a 25% deposit on the price of a house. You didn't pay to renovate it. You don't pay if the windows or boiler or roof are repaired. You don't pay the plumber if the toilet breaks or if you have a burst pipe in the winter. You don't pay to replace the gutters. So of course you pay more than the monthly mortgage.
However i fully agree that the banks should look at what you have been paying in rent every month when assessing how much you can afford to pay. It's ridiculous that this doesn't happen.

PuzzledObserver · 03/08/2023 08:48

ConfusingTrousers · 02/08/2023 23:10

@gidabo is quite right, whether you all find it hilarious or not. I pay more rent than I'd pay on a mortgage on the same property. But the current system says I "can't afford" a mortgage so nobody will give me one, and the rent i pay ensures I'll never have enough money to qualify.
You lot keep laughing, though.

Do you have a proposal about how to solve that problem? Off the top of my head: rent control on private landlords, and/or a huge expansion of the social rented sector.

whatabeautifulwedding · 03/08/2023 08:52

Ellyesse · 02/08/2023 18:45

I’m surprised not more people think he should get a decent job or try and build up his business. He sounds lazy to me.
But I admit to having a sore point about this issue. From when I first married, someone to whom I am related had sons who were allowed to bully my younger daughters, break their things, physically push them around and yet were always the apple of their mother and Granny’s eye. While my children washed up or helped with chores, they drank beer and smoked and called my daughters by crude names. Of course we tried to avoid them but we were frequently tricked into being in the same place with them.
Ultimately they became drunken slobs known to the Police while my children studied and worked hard. My DH died and my children worked hard. But these slobs were still regarded as too ‘special’ to do proper work. They managed to con disability payments and one worked with a man doing gardening cash in hand while saying he had a foot injury.
My life and my daughters’ have been badly upset by these horrible ‘boys’, now in their 40s and quite dangerous. Especially I am upset by how my father’s last days and funeral were ruined by them. I loved him so much. These men were made into little Gods from birth and never taught to consider others or take responsibility. They have ruined the lives of countless girls, neighbours, the victims of their crimes, but always blame others while their mother says nothing they do - including crime - is their fault.

Young people should go out to work and not have time on their hands just to lounge around enjoying a free ride through life. People need to learn that everyone is responsible for themselves and nobody should develop an attitude that they do not have to bother, or that they are better than people who go out to work.

This anecdote is completely irrelevant to the OPs story.

Cosyblankets · 03/08/2023 08:55

If he was working in a normal job there would be people saying he doesn't need that job he should let someone else have it.

Does he treat your daughter well? Does he respect her? Is he a good person? That's all that matters.

SmileyClare · 03/08/2023 08:57

PuzzledObserver · 03/08/2023 08:48

Do you have a proposal about how to solve that problem? Off the top of my head: rent control on private landlords, and/or a huge expansion of the social rented sector.

Show quote history

Ideally, all private landlords could be abolished and rental properties owned by local authorities at affordable rates.

This used to be a key policy of the Labour Party not that long ago.

Oatycookies · 03/08/2023 09:05

Hayliebells · 01/08/2023 18:05

That might be true for men you know, but it's not true for all. I married a man from a wealthy family, and I didn't have a pot to piss in, nor was I in a career where I would likely earn as much as him. Luckily for me, that wasn't important to him, and he has been very supportive of my (somewhat underpaid but worthy) career.

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I agree it’s not true for all. a lot of men, arguably most, don’t really care about a woman’s income. Some do but it’s not as common as women caring about a man’s income. Just like women are more likely to not care about looks than men.

So yeah I wouldn’t say he will only marry someone from a similar background.

SecretVictoria · 03/08/2023 09:06

Jammy sod. I’d absolutely do this if I had the opportunity. Just look at the thread about hating work whatever you do.

Oatycookies · 03/08/2023 09:10

TheMarzipanDildo · 01/08/2023 18:23

That would be because publishing is incredibly competitive, rather than because he’s a young middle class white public school boy though surely? More competitive now that people other than white middle class privately educated lads are getting the requisite qualifications I suppose.

And I have never put my school on a CV!

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@TonTonMacoute absolute nonsense. Most people hired in publishing are white and the ones who rise to the top fastest are specifically white and male. There’s a saying that when you’re used to privilege equality feels like oppression. And it’s so true, a few diversity schemes to try and correct the awful imbalance and you get the most favoured group (research shows white males are more successful at every stage of recruitment process) saying they can’t get a job.

@TheMarzipanDildo yeah it’s also more competitive now that you need something more than being white and posh to get in as well. So mediocrity is no longer excused just because your face fits.

Blossomtoes · 03/08/2023 09:13

SmileyClare · 03/08/2023 08:57

Ideally, all private landlords could be abolished and rental properties owned by local authorities at affordable rates.

This used to be a key policy of the Labour Party not that long ago.

Show quote history

That was when Corbyn was leader. That went well. That’s too much like communism even for me.

Oatycookies · 03/08/2023 09:14

BadMotorhomeParent · 01/08/2023 18:48

Living off rental income..... Ugh.
Someone else's hard work/income pays for his life. Ugh again.

What a **ed-up society we live in.

This. I don’t think it’s an issue that he hasn’t a 9-5, or doesn’t have to suffer in an office he doesn’t like etc, but I see people who work their lives solely as landlords as being part of the problem in a very rotten and classist system but to be fair,if I’d been handed tonnes of property maybe I wouldn’t have the same ethics 😂

PuzzledObserver · 03/08/2023 09:15

SmileyClare · 03/08/2023 08:57

Ideally, all private landlords could be abolished and rental properties owned by local authorities at affordable rates.

This used to be a key policy of the Labour Party not that long ago.

Show quote history

I see….. abolish a hitherto legal way of earning an income from an asset you own.

I wonder what landlords would do instead? Invest in something else, I suppose. OK for the big ones….. but for the accidental landlords, you’re forcing them out of the housing market which, probably for good reason, they wanted to stay in.

Oatycookies · 03/08/2023 09:16

airofkfoeksowlwomfo · 01/08/2023 19:13

This happened to me.

Luckily I maintained my job (and sadly inherited from both my parents) so I was able to set myself up again.

My ex-husband is almost 40 and never worked a day in his life. His parents still fund him. Which means he has no income on paper so he also isn’t liable for child maintenance despite driving a car that cost more than my annual salary and living in what looks like a lovely 4-bed house in a great area.

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Was he not working when you married him?

BringOnSummerHolidays · 03/08/2023 09:18

That’s how the rich lives surely. They don’t work like us. They have assets generating income.

Branster · 03/08/2023 09:20

drpet49 · 01/08/2023 17:01

I wouldn’t be attracted a man who didn’t earn a honest living.

His earnings sound very honest to me. He's not stealing money!

SmileyClare · 03/08/2023 09:23

PuzzledObserver · 03/08/2023 09:15

I see….. abolish a hitherto legal way of earning an income from an asset you own.

I wonder what landlords would do instead? Invest in something else, I suppose. OK for the big ones….. but for the accidental landlords, you’re forcing them out of the housing market which, probably for good reason, they wanted to stay in.

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What would landlords do instead? Sell up.

Lets face it, private landlords are like the pantomime villains in modern society. Not necessarily a fair label because they’re simply taking advantage of the system. Although in some cases it’s a label deservedly earned.

Oatycookies · 03/08/2023 09:26

JaukiVexnoydi · 02/08/2023 08:17

Yanbu OP
I think the point that many people are missing is that most wealthy families don't facilitate their young adults to actually do nothing at all with their lives.

More commonly the principle is to make available enough funds that they can do anything (eg supporting them through unpaid internships, topping up crappy starting salaries so something that's enough to live on) but not enough that they can do nothing.

Property management of a few residential properties (less than 5 say) isn't really a full time job and it would be a bit of a waste of someone's talents and energy. Maybe he doesn't have any talents?

There's a reason why so many people in difficult-to-break-in-to professions come from a wealthy background. Professional acting, musicianship, journalism, being a Barrister - and many others - will typically require years and years when you are putting in lots of effort but making hardly any money. People who aren't from wealth often have to give up and get a proper job in order to eat.

My concern about a DC of mine dating such a person as described in the OP is that he has been given this amazing opportunity to do absolutely anything at all with his life, and he has chosen not to use it. That shows a deeply flawed character that I wouldn't want to be involved with, and I agree that the parents who facilitated that are to blame for bringing up a young man who has no wish to nurture any talent or ambition to achieve anything with his life.

I couldn’t think how I felt about it this as I was conflicted - but think your post has nailed it.

I was dating a guy who manages rental properties he’s bought BUT he’s also got an international business that he runs and that is where most of his income comes from.
I found I felt more ease at with the latter as I like ambitious, resourceful and smart men and the international business he ran was more evidence of that than his landlord stuff. Additionally he isn’t from a rich family so the properties weren’t handed to him .

That said if OP’s daughter is happy with being with that kind of character then so be it.

HiHoHiHoltsOffToWorkWeGo · 03/08/2023 09:31

YANBU he's a parasite

LaDamaDeElche · 03/08/2023 09:50

My parents are property developers and landlords. Are you suggesting they don’t work? Their bank account and massive house would say otherwise. I’ve worked, by your standards, my whole life and I’m piss poor compared to my parents. If I won the lottery, I’d leave my job, like most people would and spend my life doing things that interested me. He’s got lucky in life. Fair play to him!

LoveLifeBeHappy · 03/08/2023 09:53

Mothership4two · 03/08/2023 05:31

^^this unfortunately

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Agreed. 100% This.

LoveLifeBeHappy · 03/08/2023 10:03

ConfusingTrousers · 02/08/2023 23:10

@gidabo is quite right, whether you all find it hilarious or not. I pay more rent than I'd pay on a mortgage on the same property. But the current system says I "can't afford" a mortgage so nobody will give me one, and the rent i pay ensures I'll never have enough money to qualify.
You lot keep laughing, though.

@ConfusingTrousers

There is a problem with the system, and people are aware of that. However, blaming a young man because he's got an easy life is just petty.

Cherrysoup · 03/08/2023 10:07

As long as he’s paying his own way and not relying on your dd to pay, then what’s your problem? He doesn’t need to work if he has rentals/an income that covers his lifestyle.