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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked that a man in his mid-twenties does not work for a living?

611 replies

queenofsheep · 01/08/2023 16:48

DD's boyfriend, older than DD by a year, does not work. He got his degree, now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund. AIBU to be shocked that there are men/boys in their twenties who are allowed to do this?

He and DD seem happy. DD isn't concerned at all. He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses. He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties.

OP posts:
Exdonkeylover · 02/08/2023 19:31

His income will be all good, but dipping into a trust fund must suggest that his lifestyle is more than his set income from the rental properties. Therefore unsustainable, unless trust fund is mega

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/08/2023 19:33

Where does it say he is 'dipping into' the trust fund. If its set up to pay an allowance then thats how it is set up - that isn't the same thing as going to the trustees groveling for a bit more because this and that and the other.

So the idea that this is unsustainable is entirely your own reach and it may well be a huge trust fund that can pay him a decent allowance all his bloody life.

SmileyClare · 02/08/2023 19:35

Charlize43 · 02/08/2023 17:23

You've had a shock.

Yes, it's true, rich people don't work for a living. Often they have a feudal type set up that allows them to live off rents or trust funds or allowances.

Please get ready to brace yourself when you discover 'the monarchy'.

😂

JogOn123 · 02/08/2023 19:37

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FlipFlop1987 · 02/08/2023 19:39

lets face it we all know people who worked all their lives only to get to retirement age and die before collecting their pension.
I know of an officer who had very young children who was diagnosed with cancer and was terminal within a week. I bet on her death bed she wasn’t thinking about all the missed birthdays and Christmas’s she’d spent locking up the degenerates of society.
I know people who got in a car and never got out of it again, some teenagers.
Life can be exceptionally cruel and take people long before their time. We need to live life, enjoy time with our families and make memories. We’re only here once after all. If I could drop work and spend every day doing just that, better believe I would take that chance!

Dilemma8188 · 02/08/2023 19:42

I'm with you. I wouldn't find that attractive. I'd find his life a bit empty (also, I'll be honest, just a personal thing but I'm usually a bit weary of people making a living off other people's need for housing 😂)

SmileyClare · 02/08/2023 19:49

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Why are you pretending you don’t understand? 🤣

There are plenty of 20 something men that still have the emotional maturity of a teen boy. Have you seen a group of 20 year old lads on a night out? 😬
See also “Man child” “toy boy” “mummy’s boy” all references to men.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 02/08/2023 19:50

drpet49 · 01/08/2023 17:01

I wouldn’t be attracted a man who didn’t earn a honest living.

When did managing rental property become dishonest?

The stereotypical truat fund kid doesn't do it for me but it's not because it's not an honest living.

RattleRattle · 02/08/2023 19:53

This reply has been deleted

This user is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

ChristmasFluff · 02/08/2023 20:10

OP, you need to watch 'Made in Chelsea'. It'll blow your mind.

Hawkins009 · 02/08/2023 20:12

ChristmasFluff · 02/08/2023 20:10

OP, you need to watch 'Made in Chelsea'. It'll blow your mind.

Not seen it since the days of Spencer, Ollie, Jamie, Louise etc but omg how the other half's are so to speak.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 02/08/2023 20:24

He’s a landlord and has private income.. what’s the issue and why is it any of your business?

QueenCamilla · 02/08/2023 20:26

I had one of these.
Completely detached from reality, didn't want "his women" to work in case they get some self-worth and interests other than the man-boy himself.
All day on the sofa and weed, a massive coke habit by night.
Was a property developer to anyone not in the know of the above. Lol!

Very generous with his money as had nothing else to offer.

The man was in his 40s, so that lifestyle ain't changing anymore.

Maybe some men do better at zero survival pressure but both of his sons were heading down the same path rapidly...

Hayliebells · 02/08/2023 20:30

Ellyesse · 02/08/2023 18:45

I’m surprised not more people think he should get a decent job or try and build up his business. He sounds lazy to me.
But I admit to having a sore point about this issue. From when I first married, someone to whom I am related had sons who were allowed to bully my younger daughters, break their things, physically push them around and yet were always the apple of their mother and Granny’s eye. While my children washed up or helped with chores, they drank beer and smoked and called my daughters by crude names. Of course we tried to avoid them but we were frequently tricked into being in the same place with them.
Ultimately they became drunken slobs known to the Police while my children studied and worked hard. My DH died and my children worked hard. But these slobs were still regarded as too ‘special’ to do proper work. They managed to con disability payments and one worked with a man doing gardening cash in hand while saying he had a foot injury.
My life and my daughters’ have been badly upset by these horrible ‘boys’, now in their 40s and quite dangerous. Especially I am upset by how my father’s last days and funeral were ruined by them. I loved him so much. These men were made into little Gods from birth and never taught to consider others or take responsibility. They have ruined the lives of countless girls, neighbours, the victims of their crimes, but always blame others while their mother says nothing they do - including crime - is their fault.

Young people should go out to work and not have time on their hands just to lounge around enjoying a free ride through life. People need to learn that everyone is responsible for themselves and nobody should develop an attitude that they do not have to bother, or that they are better than people who go out to work.

This sounds awful but you can surely see that this is not the same? There's no hint of criminal activity in the OP's post, nor any suggestion that OP's DD is being mistreated.

Cosyblankets · 02/08/2023 20:34

SmileyClare · 02/08/2023 18:50

Yeah like I said, an allowance from his parents. 😂

Setting up a trust fund is a way for his family wealth to be passed down without paying hefty inheritance tax, ditto property. It’s still giving your adult son money to live the life of Riley on.

Not sure why so many posters are so defensive and claiming this bloke is “savvy” “intelligent” or “hardworking”.

I don’t see any evidence of those things, he could be, although he could be a party boy with no grasp of the value of money.

Show quote history

Income from an investment is not coming from the parents it's coming from the investment. It'll be a portfolio of shares or a bond or whatever that will provide an income.
Granted, he has a silver spoon but his parents are not giving him money.

Threenow · 02/08/2023 20:35

ginghamstarfish · 02/08/2023 14:41

Well, he is clearly very fortunate but I could not be attracted to someone like this. Met a guy once who said he was in 'property management ', turned out his family had left him a lot of property in the village and he raked in a lot of rental income. Something unpleasant about it in my opinion

Would you rather he just sat around admiring all this property he had been left, while others struggled to find a place to live in? Would that be more pleasant to you? What a ridiculous comment.

Threenow · 02/08/2023 20:45

I find that hard to believe. Perhaps your ambitions in life were humble- to be able to buy your own home with your wages, to afford to have a family, to pay for driving lessons and buy a car? All those achievements are goals (ambitions) your average person works for.

No, none of those ambitions. I used to own a house, now I am the only one in my circle of friends who will be renting for life. I never wanted children, I don't drive so no car. I've never really had "goals" other than to enjoy my life and make the best of what I have, which I believe I do, and try to be a good person.

Hmm1234 · 02/08/2023 21:01

That or he is drug dealer

ConfusingTrousers · 02/08/2023 21:23

No, he shouldn't be allowed to hoard properties during a housing crisis. But he is allowed.

GirlOfTudor · 02/08/2023 21:51

If he's managing properties then surely he has a job and it's called being a property manager/landlord??
If he genuinely doesn't work, then yeah that's annoying. Healthy, able people with no dependants have no reason not to to work.

Yusay · 02/08/2023 21:57

“Allowed” 😂😂😂

Lots of people don’t have jobs. The young, the old, the rich, the very poor, the sick…

Ahsoka2001 · 02/08/2023 22:02

I'm surprised at the consensus on this thread since I thought Mumsnet always said that young adults should have a job regardless of financial need or they're "lazy". Or is that just when they're still living with parents?

Glitterybee · 02/08/2023 22:03

He has a source of income, so I’m not sure what your problem is?

it sounds like he’s living the dream to be honest!

gidabo · 02/08/2023 22:05

What this person does is unfair, and so is immoral. And we could easily disallow it, by taxation and/or other means.

We - our society - allow such behaviour. It follows that our society is itself immoral (because it's unfair when it need not be so).

Why don't we vote to stop such immoral behaviour? Possibly it's because those who control the information media are themselves beneficiaries of such unfairness? ... Because others somehow can't see the wood for the trees? Or what?

That's the overall view. At the individual level, this person contributes nothing to his society and takes his living from others. He should be ashamed, just as an individual, no matter what society allows. He is a leech; not in any moral sense distinguishable from a slave-owner on a cotton plantation or a pimp in a brothel.

Oh well, there it is. Sad, though.

Blossomtoes · 02/08/2023 22:07

gidabo · 02/08/2023 22:05

What this person does is unfair, and so is immoral. And we could easily disallow it, by taxation and/or other means.

We - our society - allow such behaviour. It follows that our society is itself immoral (because it's unfair when it need not be so).

Why don't we vote to stop such immoral behaviour? Possibly it's because those who control the information media are themselves beneficiaries of such unfairness? ... Because others somehow can't see the wood for the trees? Or what?

That's the overall view. At the individual level, this person contributes nothing to his society and takes his living from others. He should be ashamed, just as an individual, no matter what society allows. He is a leech; not in any moral sense distinguishable from a slave-owner on a cotton plantation or a pimp in a brothel.

Oh well, there it is. Sad, though.

Jesus! How utterly depressing that people think like this.