To be shocked that a man in his mid-twenties does not work for a living?

[queenofsheep]

DD's boyfriend, older than DD by a year, does not work. He got his degree, now lives off rental income and an allowance through a family trust fund. AIBU to be shocked that there are men/boys in their twenties who are allowed to do this?

He and DD seem happy. DD isn't concerned at all. He insists that it is work because he has to manage his houses. He and DD go on nice holidays and attend parties.

Landlords are akin to traffic wardens these days. Worse even. Why? Without them millions of people wouldn’t have places to live.

And what’s wrong with traffic wardens? Park properly and legally and you wouldn’t have an issue with them.

Exactly. If people parked where ever they fancied towns would grind to a halt.
There will always be a need for rental. I doubt many of us went straight from our parents to buying a house.

With the average rent on a single room being around £800 pcm in zones 1 and 2 of London and cities like Manchester, it’s easy to see massive benefits of abolishing private landlords.

In an ideal world, all rentals would be state owned and priced affordably.

Of course a Tory government would never consider making it illegal to rent out your privately owned home- most of them are getting fat on it.

There's nothing wrong with £800 in zones 1-2. You can't expect the capital city, London, to be "affordable" when you're competing with billionaires overseas.

But in general, private landlords are a PITA. They are greedy and think the tenant should shoulder any costs they incur, so they never have to lose in their investment. Not to mention the ones with huge portfolios, not just a spare property.

Well for many of us work is just to earn money. I never wanted a vocation - I can't think of anything that would hold my interest enough - and how does working 'make the world a better place". Obviously some work does, but most of it actually doesn't. I've spent most of my working life being bored and today am enjoying my first day of semi-retirement - one year before I am eligible for national superannuation, I simply can't take another week of working. There are a lot of people who do an incredible amount of good for others but aren't employed in paid work.

He sort of is, by not taking a job someone else needs. Very few of us make the world a better place in our 20's.

You sound jealous OP, because you have to work and you had to pay your own way from a young age.

Imo if someone can get though life happily without working they are very fortunate and I wish them all the best. People on here are so work focused and often look down on others for not having a job, but when you consider your very short existence I cant share that 'work ethic' shite. Here is a guy who is living his life without claiming benefits, so what if his fam give him money? He is in a great position, good luck to him.

I have spent far too many years being fucking miserable trying to prove myself to people like you OP, when the truth is, I am a good person whether i dedicate a huge part of my waking week to someone else or not.

Yanbu OP
I think the point that many people are missing is that most wealthy families don't facilitate their young adults to actually do nothing at all with their lives.

More commonly the principle is to make available enough funds that they can do anything (eg supporting them through unpaid internships, topping up crappy starting salaries so something that's enough to live on) but not enough that they can do nothing.

Property management of a few residential properties (less than 5 say) isn't really a full time job and it would be a bit of a waste of someone's talents and energy. Maybe he doesn't have any talents?

There's a reason why so many people in difficult-to-break-in-to professions come from a wealthy background. Professional acting, musicianship, journalism, being a Barrister - and many others - will typically require years and years when you are putting in lots of effort but making hardly any money. People who aren't from wealth often have to give up and get a proper job in order to eat.

My concern about a DC of mine dating such a person as described in the OP is that he has been given this amazing opportunity to do absolutely anything at all with his life, and he has chosen not to use it. That shows a deeply flawed character that I wouldn't want to be involved with, and I agree that the parents who facilitated that are to blame for bringing up a young man who has no wish to nurture any talent or ambition to achieve anything with his life.

@JaukiVexnoydi

My concern about a DC of mine dating such a person as described in the OP is that he has been given this amazing opportunity to do absolutely anything at all with his life, and he has chosen not to use it. That shows a deeply flawed character that I wouldn't want to be involved with, and I agree that the parents who facilitated that are to blame for bringing up a young man who has no wish to nurture any talent or ambition to achieve anything with his life.

I'm not at all ambitious, I don't think that makes me deeply flawed

I wouldn’t work if I didn’t have to - in fact I’m part time in my late thirties largely because working full-time as a teacher made me feel very unwell, and it’s nice to have two days off a week and have some
semblance of a work-life balance. I generally think people who say they’d be bored without work need better hobbies!!

So personally I think YABU, he’s doing what a lot of people in his shoes would do, and also managing the properties does require some admin so does count as work.

I'd be bloody relieved that dd bagged herself someone wealthy tbh.

Don't many people have ambitions to want to achieve a life where they can earn enough money to go on lots of holidays and own lots of properties anyway? Or is it just me?! 😅

I expect your young dd is having a blast- one minute a cash strapped student, the next joining him on luxury holidays she could never afford and partying with his set- the champagne and cocaine lifestyle goes hand in hand.

I encountered lots of wealthy city boys when I worked in bars as a student. 99% of them were obnoxious spoilt party boys who made no attempt to conceal their contempt for the working classes.

My perspective is no doubt skewed from my own experience 😂

The fact remains that this couple are from completely different worlds. Her working class roots make for an unequal relationship dynamic. Money is power and he has it in spades.

I agree. I don't have an ambitious bone in my body and never have had and don't consider myself a deeply flawed character. So many on MN believe that having a career and doing well in it is the be all and end all of life, and yet I seem to be much happier than many of them are. Being a decent person is far more important - and you don't need to be working to be that.

Also, this young man is only in his mid-twenties, who knows what he will do in his lifetime?

"I agree. I don't have an ambitious bone in my body and never have had and don't consider myself a deeply flawed character. So many on MN believe that having a career and doing well in it is the be all and end all of life, and yet I seem to be much happier than many of them are. Being a decent person is far more important - and you don't need to be working to be that.

Also, this young man is only in his mid-twenties, who knows what he will do in his lifetime?"

Totally agree with this. Everyone is different and some people aren't career driven. In fact some of the happiest people I know are those who don't stress themselves out over climbing the career ladder.

Deeply flawed character my arse.

I don’t have an ambitious bone in my body

I find that hard to believe. Perhaps your ambitions in life were humble- to be able to buy your own home with your wages, to afford to have a family, to pay for driving lessons and buy a car? All those achievements are goals (ambitions) your average person works for.

Unless you’re a drifter in life who has no desire to pay for any of your own ambitions?

Wealth can mean many life goals are handed to you on a plate. It’s a completely different world to the daughter’s and I imagine very difficult to achieve a balanced relationship.

I've been working since my early teens (different days, when people thought nothing of hiring a 12/13 year old babysitter/glass collector), and I've been working in my current, professional field since I finished my doctorate aged 29, but I don't think I've ever been 'bossed around by colleagues and superiors' since I was a young teenager pulling ice cream cones in the local shop!

You sound like Mrs Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, the 1700s when mothers were desperate for their daughters to marry into good stock

I would LOVE to be a traffic warden, I think it would be a massively satisfying... dangerous illegal parking just gives he the rage and I would love to be the one serving them karma in the way of a fine.

Traffic wardens = fine. They are upholding the law and road safety.

Its those carpark fine twats like ParkingEye etc... that are a plague. Twice they tried to charge me for parking in car parks they do not have jurisdiction over and twice the independent tribunal has had to remind them they can NOT do that.

Recently they have been in the paper here for charging local people for parking on an unmarked public road. All the fines have been cancelled and they have been told to cease.

Yep, I have ambisions in life like I always wanted kids etc... but I'm not remotely career driven at all which is what mumsnet means when they say 'ambitious'.

I don't get peoples pride in breaking their backs to make their boss richer then begging to take a few days off for the holiday they want that they had to work hard all year for and hoping its allowed.

My mam firmly believed in 'hard work' and was very career ambitious and from my earliest memories I remember her working herself to death and thinking it was 'stupid'.

I mean self employed doing something you love then more power to you (its bloody hard going self employed though, I know I'm one of the millions that tried and failed) but the rest of it I don't get at all.

But then I guess I am a 'drifter' soul as someone else said. Freedom is far more important to me than the faux feeling being an 'important' cog in a machine or money.

I can see the chip on your shoulder from here OP. It’s not really any of your business where his money comes from as long as it’s not illegal and as long as he’s treating your DD decently and not scrounging off her.

In all honesty, you just sound jealous!

What a weird approach. You clearly hate working ("being bossed around") yet you cant seem to see why some one would avoid it if possible. Quite an unintelligent way of thinking. Working doesnt make you a better person you know

Its all well and good saying you refuse to be a “cog in the machine” of work but how are you supporting yourself and your children if your attempts at going self employed failed?

Id like to be a free spirit but it doesn’t pay the bills!

Managing rental property is an actual job. And one that can earn a lot of money.

And family money? Also involves managing funds and living on the income. Also an actual job.

The fact he lives comfortably suggests he also manages it all well.

I doubt he shares the ins and outs of the business with you.

I'd suggest stop being shocked and start being pleased.