Please help me explain to my elderly father why it isn’t ok to regularly prefix the word ‘woman’ with ‘silly’.

[W2345]

The words silly woman seem to roll off his tongue with relish if he feels he’s been let down by someone.

It wears me down every time I hear him say it and he gets angry with me when I challenge him about it and point out that he’s never referred to a man as silly. I don’t want my kids thinking it’s ok.

I find it demeaning. I have never called my children silly child etc. I think it’s ok to criticise a particular issue but not to put down a person completely in this way.

It’s difficult to distance myself from him and his attitudes because he needs my support but his misogynistic attitudes are draining me.

Is the woman he is referring to being “silly”?
I know plenty of women I could call that. Plus a load of blokes too.
Does he use a different word for blokes -“twat” and/or “arsehole” are often words that I use to describe certain males 😂

I hate the fact that many people sandwich the word 'old' between silly and either man or woman.

Don't waste your breath. He's not going to change his ways at this stage of his life.

It might have been a silly thing that she did but maybe there was an explanation. I just can’t stand hearing him say it. He relishes it. Never heard him criticise a man in this way.

I’m sure if I referred to another old man as a silly old man he’d have something to say about it.

Because it's derogatory, belittling and disrespectful, and he should have more respect for women. Would he casually call
one of his friends "silly". It's everyday misogyny.

Exactly what I was about to say!

I doubt you'll get him to change - you could try referring to him as a stupid old duffer all the time and see if he likes it....

Thank you. How do I get an old man to understand this. He just argues that ‘she IS a silly woman!’.

It’s infuriating! He’s draining to be around.

With men like these it's usually not one woman in particular who has done something "silly" like put her clothes on inside out. It's always "that silly woman at the bank who made me show her my ID" or "that silly woman presenting the sports couldn't get her words out".
They likely wouldn't say it about a man because if a man in the bank asked to see their ID they'd respect it, but the "silly woman" (often also "silly girl" to further belittle) probably got it wrong. If a man is presenting sports that's what he should be doing but it's not a job for the women so God forbid they make ANY mistakes.

Am I on the right track OP?

As for what to do about it, I'm not sure. Has he always been like this or has it been since he's got older and more generally grumpy?

I'd start calling him a stupid old man for no reason....

Thank you. How do I get an old man to understand this. He just argues that ‘she IS a silly woman!’.

The fact is that you can't. You can't change how other people think or act, you can only change your response to that. So either you counteract it every time, ignore it or stop going round there. Because he's obviously not going to stop,saying it.

It absolutely is, but you won't change him now.

I wouldn't worry about your DC, I'm sure many of us grew up hearing all sorts from our grandparents to no ill effect. Parents and peers will be a bigger influence.

Exactly this. See also ‘silly / dozy cow’

My dad is quite happy to chat about his daily life and what's going on in the world but when he sees two women talking, or God forbid 3 or more they are 'gossiping'. Drives me mad. For example the pub was busy with a lot of men having a drink and a chat, but the cafe was full of women who were only there for a gossip. I've called him out on it or at least tried to but he just smiles and changes the topic, probably thinking you've upset that silly woman now, be careful or she'll get hysterical.

@MyrtleSmurf Couldn't have put it better!

I think calling him a silly old man within earshot might be useful and give him pause for thought...

I think you need to start using ‘silly man’ in your anecdotes

Try referring to him as silly grandad and see his reaction

I'd honestly start referring to him as a silly old man at every opportunity, and if he objects then use his ow retort, well you are a silly old man. Fuck that, it's your dad why can't you stand up to him

Oh dad, you're sounding like a silly old man again!

Loving the replies, thank you so much. It’s giving me the strength to cart his groceries over there and do his chores etc that he can’t manage to do.

Yes you’re on the right track @MyrtleSmurf . As I said, silly women said frequently, never silly man.

Probably been like this throughout my life so self esteem was always low as a child and grown as I’ve got older and understood how women should expect to be treated.

I will try the silly old man line.

Because he’s old and vulnerable and starts getting angry with me, shouting at me when I challenge his attitude.

Hence, I want to change his views somehow.

I’m finding this thread really interesting. My df is like this. It’s very draining. I agree with the posters who are saying you won’t change him. My df is never going to change now, I’m just glad I no longer live with him so can just walk away and go home. It is very difficult to challenge my df, the reasons why would take me a long time to explain. Your dc will be fine, they’re growing up in different times than your dd did.

He calls women 'silly'. You are deciding to use an ageist term ( actually not allowed on MN) to berate him. There is a thread running now about casual ageism on MN. This is an example. Fine to 'tit for tat' with 'silly' but why introduce another form of discrimination?

It drives me mad when posters do this. It is so ageist. Apparently some posters think that some kinds of discriminatory abuse is ok. But being ageist is fine.
As I said further up the new term is being sageist . Casually mixing sexism and ageism.