Please help me explain to my elderly father why it isn’t ok to regularly prefix the word ‘woman’ with ‘silly’.

[W2345]

The words silly woman seem to roll off his tongue with relish if he feels he’s been let down by someone.

It wears me down every time I hear him say it and he gets angry with me when I challenge him about it and point out that he’s never referred to a man as silly. I don’t want my kids thinking it’s ok.

I find it demeaning. I have never called my children silly child etc. I think it’s ok to criticise a particular issue but not to put down a person completely in this way.

It’s difficult to distance myself from him and his attitudes because he needs my support but his misogynistic attitudes are draining me.

Always refer to any man as an idiot man in his presence. And anything bad that happens say a woman would never be silly enough to do that.

This will be tiresome for your dad

At least 3 of my grandparents were racist/xenophobic. My parents weren't and it didn't rub off on us at all we just found it weird and shocking. I think you'll find it difficult to change him if he's elderly and has already shown resistance but you can teach your children that it's not normal or acceptable.

I agree. I have referred to someone as a silly woman myself more than once, if it were a man I might well use the word stupid. Why should I have to pretend that all women are perfect?

But he doesn’t think it’s ok to call a man silly, because he never does. Why are you suggesting his double standard is ok?

Calling a woman silly isn’t nice but it doesn’t reach the level of misogyny.

If you really wanted women to be treated as equals, then you’d be happy with being called much worse. Have you never heard men refer to even their besties as “knob”, “twat” or a sarcastic “nice one” when they’ve done something silly.

My Dad is like this. He's 90, and has a shit attitude to women, despite having daughters and grand daughters. If we're there with our husbands, he'll show them any paperwork or ask their advice, not ours, and once when I offered to look at something for him, he dismissed me with "You wouldn't understand it". It makes my blood boil, and I'm low contact with him now. His whole family are like this. When my Mum was alive she enabled him. It's been crap for me & my sisters. Dad still thinks he can ignore us for weeks, then ring up and expect us to drop everything & run after him. I'm in my 50's now and I'm done with it.

Yes you’re absolutely right, little girls being raised by men who refer to them and silly and gossipy all the time, but don’t treat their brothers with the same level of disrespect, really need to get over themselves because Dave down the pub called his mate a twat once. 🙄

This!

I've wondered about that, a male friend of mine posted he'd "seen a bad example of a woman driver putting on her lipstick on the motorway" while the statement is true, I'm uncomfortable with the woman driver bit and wanted to call him up on it couldn't articulate why.

Men often treat boys with just as much disrespect, it’s just the descriptors are gendered. So while a little girl may be called silly girl, a boy is often called an idiot boy.

That was my point really, the fact that the exact same word of silly isn’t used as often for boys/men as it is for girls/women doesn’t mean there is more respect.

I don’t agree. I have explained that, like many other women here, throughout life, I have put up with my father using the term ‘silly woman’ at any given opportunity (never a silly man).

I think it’s understandable that I should find it insulting.

every time he says it say, I expect she thinks you’re a silly old man

@WallaceinAnderland I like this approach

You don’t.

The OP has said that her father doesn’t talk about men in any equivalent way.

Exactly. I got it immediately because I’m very familiar with my own dad’s formula: silly little girl. Used in reference to any woman encountered who can’t or won’t do what he wants. There is no male equivalent.

As for saying people literally ARE silly, yes, but tone and context is everything. A neighbour once regaled me with an ‘amusing’ story about how he was doing some work in a client’s house and was surprised when ‘a little black face appeared!’ (Said face belonged to one of the homeowners, but not the one he’d met.) Absolutely refused to see how that could possibly be interpreted as patronising and racist because it was after all literally true…

Was waiting for this type of comment!

Yes, and like many women here, I’ve been exposed to men calling women “that fucking bitch” or “the stupid cunt” instead of the mild, exasperated “silly woman” when they, as you put it, feel let down by a woman.

Which is why I say that a man who when let down by something that a woman has done and has a go to comment of “silly woman” is not at the level of misogyny.

I understand you feel irritated by it, but to call it misogyny and conflate it with oppression is hyperbole in my opinion.

Actually no, I have not used an ageist term to him. I am the least ageist person you could possibly meet. I strongly believe that people of all ages should be valued equally for their different perspectives on life. We can learn from everyone.

OP hasn’t said that, all she has said is that he never calls a man silly. I’m sure he has some sort of negative comment about men who let him down that is his equivalent. It’s simply not the word “silly” which is not unusual as in our culture negative comments are highly gendered.

…and unfortunately, these attitudes have already filtered down to the next generation and will continue to do so if they are overlooked.

You don't have to get it, you don't have to like it or agree with it but this constant thing these days of 'I am right why can't they just do what I demand they do' is getting tiresome

I am still baffled by the outrage of the word “silly” as to me it’s barely an insult at all.
I have just remembered something though. I used to volunteer in my daughter’s class at primary school and Year 4 was when the girl/boy divide really became more of a thing.
I remember chatting to some of the children about it and the general consensus at that age was the girls were “bossy” and the boys were “silly”.
“Silly” was definitely more aimed at the boys and to be fair was probably more accurate 😂

My 77 year old FIL told my daughter who's waiting for her A level results to go to Uni to become a Primary school teacher that he doesn't know why she wants to train to do 'something like that' and that she should 'get herself a nice little secretarial job' instead. That's misogyny right there. It's infuriating - and my DD was really offended. He says he's too old to change his opinions - I told him he should keep them to himself.

There isn’t a level for misogyny. If you’re treating women less favourably than men in even the most trivial way then misogyny is playing a part, whether conscious or not.

We have to get away from this idea that only bad people do or think sexist (or racist, etc.) things.