Please help me explain to my elderly father why it isn’t ok to regularly prefix the word ‘woman’ with ‘silly’.

[W2345]

The words silly woman seem to roll off his tongue with relish if he feels he’s been let down by someone.

It wears me down every time I hear him say it and he gets angry with me when I challenge him about it and point out that he’s never referred to a man as silly. I don’t want my kids thinking it’s ok.

I find it demeaning. I have never called my children silly child etc. I think it’s ok to criticise a particular issue but not to put down a person completely in this way.

It’s difficult to distance myself from him and his attitudes because he needs my support but his misogynistic attitudes are draining me.

Ahh…. there’s the silly old man with misogynistic views…. On repeat

I agree!

Your DF sounds grating especially over only making comments about women.

But your views on calling anyone 'silly' even when they have been silly, are ridiculous. My DD is 2. I've said to her 'that was a silly thing to do, now let's do this' etc. I wasn't being rude to her.

Some people, you know OP, can actually be silly. Men and women. Women aren't exempt from doing silly thing. And when men do, they should be called silly too.

Agree. Some views on this thread are silly!

You challenge the words of an old and vulnerable man to the point he becomes angry, because you want to change his views?

You don't sound perfect, either.

The difference there is you’re identifying the behaviour as silly, which is fair enough, not the person.

Of course people say he / she's being silly 😂

I understand if your complaint is the unevenness. Fine if anyone can be silly, not fine if only ever women are.

However ' i would urge you to be realistic about the unlikeliness of shifting the attitude of a very elderly person for whom this attitude was completely the norm well into their adult years. My father is the same, and has been chastised for it for 30 years, to no avail. He doesn't even really mean it the way others hear it, its habitual.

There is a level for misogyny. Misogyny is overt hatred towards women.
Misogyny is worse than sexism as it sexism + hatred.

If everything said less favourably about women even in the most trivial way is misogyny as you are asserting, then everything us misogyny and misogyny loses its identity and power as the horrific hatred towards woman that it is defined as describing.

It’s akin to claiming that you can rape a woman with a rape stare and saying it’s all rape even though it’s trivial.

How do you think victims of misogynist attacks feel about “silly woman” being used as an example of what they have experienced? Pretty shitty I would imagine as this sort of watering down of hate to include silliness always leads to denial that the hate (real misogyny) even exists.

To everyone who thinks silly is a horrendous insult that should be henceforth referred to as the “s” word, what should be used instead to indicate you feel let down by someone? I presume it should be a gender neutral term applied equally to men and women because equality.

Just start calling him silly man/ silly grandad at every opportunity

The problem is when "silly" is used to belittle just about every interaction he has with a woman. It's about the mildest insult that there is, and it's not an issue if it's genuinely calling out silly behaviour from a man or woman and is focused on the behaviour, but with people like this it's by default about the class of person, not them actually behaving in a silly way. It's just a constant drip drip that he considers women to be lesser than men.

Applies to this league of racists too. Constantly dripping in the ethnicity of people they've interacted with when it had no relevance to the situation. Once you've noticed the pattern it gets very wearing.

Playing them at their own game and deflecting their silliness back at them is fair game.

@BogRollBOGOF
It would be a problem if OP’s father were using it about almost every interaction with a woman or as a default about a class of people, but she’s said he uses it if he feels he’s been let down by someone

If silly is too hateful, then what should he say to express feeling let down by someone?

@BillaBongGirl you’re bring deliberately obtuse. No one agreeing with the OP has said it’s “hateful” or “a horrendous insult”. It’s problematic because it’s a negative word that the OP’s father only uses about women, which is sexist to say the least.

What don't we ban every word in the dictionary with a negative connotation.

No more silly, unpleasant, uncaring, rude and all the others because it might upset someone sensitivity.

Oh wait, that's only if it applies to women. All negative words are perfectly applicable to men because let's face it, there are all that!

They have because they agree with the OP that it is a misogynistic attitude and a misogynist thing to say about women.

Misogyny requires hatred of women. Therefore if “silly woman” is truly misogyny, then it is hateful.

I used hate, hateful to highlight how it is hyperbole to declare that “silly” is misogynistic.

Hence, the reason for asking for help to find another way to get him to understand why his attitude is wearing me down.

It’s not a full blown argument that leads to him being angry, just me speaking up to object.

Look up the definition of misogyny, Billybonga. The term literally means hatred of women by using the Ancient Greek but its modern day meaning is broader than that.

Attitudes holding that women are less than men or need to be held to a higher standard to be worthy of respect fit within the definition with ease.

The 21st century has brought a watering down of the term misogyny that I don’t agree with at all. But even calling a woman ‘silly’ when they have let you down doesn’t meet even the new watered down definition of misogyny.

This.
He is your father and he is an old man .
Tell him once but then move on .
Why add stress into every conversation you have with him? Supporting elderly parents is stressful enough .

I really would just leave it . He isn’t going to change now and probably doesn’t even realise he is saying it .

You should prefix "fart" with "old" when speaking to him

"Hey dad, the 1950s want their chauvinistic language back!"

Can you explain to him that if the silly person in question was a jew/muslim/black/ then referring to them as a 'silly jew/muslim/black' would imply that the silliness is related to their racial group. Likewise 'silly woman' implies being silly is a characteristic of women.

I used to go for “Daaaaaaaaaaad!” and rolling my eyes. Mentioning Mum was also helpful.

It’s difficult to distance myself from him and his attitudes because he needs my support but his misogynistic attitudes are draining me.

He needs support
You're not obliged to give it
If his attitude is making you think about withdrawing - say so