Please help me explain to my elderly father why it isn’t ok to regularly prefix the word ‘woman’ with ‘silly’.

[W2345]

The words silly woman seem to roll off his tongue with relish if he feels he’s been let down by someone.

It wears me down every time I hear him say it and he gets angry with me when I challenge him about it and point out that he’s never referred to a man as silly. I don’t want my kids thinking it’s ok.

I find it demeaning. I have never called my children silly child etc. I think it’s ok to criticise a particular issue but not to put down a person completely in this way.

It’s difficult to distance myself from him and his attitudes because he needs my support but his misogynistic attitudes are draining me.

@Needmorelego no, I have said ‘silly thing to do’ maybe, but never ‘silly girl’ / ‘silly boy’. I don’t think it would be considered acceptable language in a professional setting either.

No @PackettInn , my objections are to repeatedly give women this label.

I do accept that sometimes people do silly things. There’s a big difference.

I’d be referring to him as ‘a silly old man’ every time he did it, to be honest, @W2345. That might give him pause for thought.

Seriously?

It's never acceptable to say 'that silly black man / woman.' Race has nothing to do with whether they were being silly.

It sometimes is acceptable to say 'that silly woman' or 'that silly man' because people can be stupid. In regards to the OP yes repetitive behaviour against women is unacceptable. But, calling someone silly when they have been, isnt.

Not comparable to racism whatsoever and I think that minimises racism.
I said to DD yesterday 'that silly woman walked out in the road' or along those lines as a woman did, nearly got hit and got beeped at. That's NOTHING like saying a racist comment.

To reiterate what others have said several times now, the word silly is not sexist/chauvinistic/misogynistic in itself. It’s a favourite word of mine to describe foolish behaviour.

When the phrase ‘silly woman’ trips off the tongue all too easily in circumstances when a man isn’t described as silly, however, I don’t see how it can be anything other than sexist, etc. As I said upthread, when I was growing up the formula I heard was the far worse ‘silly little girl’. Used of women working in shops and similar contexts when my dad didn’t get his own way. Clearly meant to demean. Men got other epithets, but the sense was very much that they were worthier opponents than some female who, regardless of actual attributes, had to be brought down to the level of a clueless infant.

This version is obviously not nearly as contemptuous, but I recognise it as being from the same underlying mindset.

I agree your example of “silly little girl” when simply not getting your way is an example of sexism, but it’s not comparable to the OP father’s use of “silly woman” when he has been let down from what I have read. The situations are different as in not getting your way(being unreasonably demanding) is vastly different from being let down (promised x and then it never materialised).

In addition, the combination of silly + little girl being directed towards an adult woman that is as a whole demeaning and sexist.

Silly isn’t sexist. Silly woman isn’t sexist when it is applied reasonably in specific situations such as when let down and, to me, dont think we can fairly extrapolate that into the father having a sexist view that all women are silly.

Precisely @FernsInTheFire . I thought I’d explained with clarity but this really is clear as mud.

You’re not being unclear. My disagreement isn’t from a lack of understanding what you are saying. I simply do not agree with you that “silly woman” is egregious enough to be considered misogyny, and I think you’re being unreasonable to badger an elderly vulnerable man about his use of “silly woman” to refer to a woman that has let him down. Which, let’s face it at his age most of his carers will be women and we know the state of elderly care in this country is subpar at best.

You don’t even say how he should refer to a woman who has let him down when venting his frustration that is in an acceptable terminology to you. I did ask and you avoided answering the question. It’s all very well to criticise and call someone a misogynist, but unless you tell him what words are acceptable to you, so that you actually listen to what is bothering him- he’s going to be as clueless as I am.

@BillaBongGirl , my point is that I don’t think I should have to continually listen to my father exclusively prefixing the word ‘woman’ with anything derogatory.

Therefore, I will not be suggesting a substitute for the word silly.

Is that ok with you?!?

Unless he has shown in the past he is capable of changing his opinion, you don't!

You just say "I don't like it when you say that, stop saying it around me". It's what I do with my dad, less headaches. He's stubborn and stuck in his ways, I've tried for 20 years to change his attitude on a lot of things to no avail.

PackettInn · Today 09:35
autienotnaughti · Yesterday 19:17

I just say to my dad "we don't say things like that anymore " "think it if you must don't say it!!"

Like what? silly? Really? Well, who knew.

😂still missing the point.

So, would him saying “that woman” be alright then? How is he to safelyrefer to women that have let him down without offending you?

I’ve explained it as much as I’m prepared to @BillaBongGirl . Not really here to defend my views, just to see what others views are.

It’s been helpful to see how other people manage similar situations. Also, to realise from challenging views that actually, I can try all the helpful suggestions here, it might or might not change him.

Therefore, I need to work on resilience to shrug off what offends me when all else fails.

Sorry, I wasn’t asking you to defend your view in my last post, the questions are quite genuine.

As you are not going to change your mind, I take it you’d rather hear your father say things to you and in front of your DC that are more acceptable to you.

By just nitpicking his word choice knowing it will make him angry, the two of you are in an unhealthy toxic pattern of behaviour.

It’s not hard to tell him, hey I prefer you say this to that. Any decent person would accommodate you, and it would be decent of you to give your father the opportunity to accommodate you.