Please help me explain to my elderly father why it isn’t ok to regularly prefix the word ‘woman’ with ‘silly’.

[W2345]

The words silly woman seem to roll off his tongue with relish if he feels he’s been let down by someone.

It wears me down every time I hear him say it and he gets angry with me when I challenge him about it and point out that he’s never referred to a man as silly. I don’t want my kids thinking it’s ok.

I find it demeaning. I have never called my children silly child etc. I think it’s ok to criticise a particular issue but not to put down a person completely in this way.

It’s difficult to distance myself from him and his attitudes because he needs my support but his misogynistic attitudes are draining me.

I use the term stupid bloke a lot. A lot.

Just say "okay you silly old man"

Rinse and repeat until he gets it

You're not going to change his views if he has been like this for a lifetime. You can only change how you react. Would you prefer him to say, "that fucking woman"?!

What on earth good does it do you starting rows with him?

Don't worry about your DC either. Didn't your dad rear you and you don't say it?

Channel your inner Captain Mainwaring and start calling him a Stupid Boy.

address him as "stupid old man" /"stupid old misogynistic twat"

Why is it so important he changes what he says anyway?

Because it’s important to me. I find it upsetting.

Aren’t we all on here discussing what’s important to us?

That's infuriating.

I doubt he will change. Just make sure that you point out how unacceptable it is to your children if he says it within their earshot.

Trying to change him will be wearing and unproductive - life is too short. If he says stuff like that ignore it, but then say "I'm going to have to pop off now Dad; see you tomorrow." ..... a bit like dealing with toddler attention-seeking behaviour really.

It’s misogynistic because it’s a man only ever saying it about women, never about other men.

I don’t think anyone deserves respect simply for being a man or a woman. If they’ve done a silly thing, then there is nothing wrong with referring to them as a silly woman or a silly man.

Silly is a very mild criticism and not a hill I would die on. I would agree with you OP if he were saying “cunt of a woman” or “bitchy woman” and so on because those are misogynistic and derogatory in a way that silly is not.

It took me a long time to realise that the dad I adored my whole life was actually very chauvinistic. It became evident when he talked about his various sons-in-law and the immense jobs they held down.
No recognition for the daughter who was invited to lecture on her subject at the Uni, nor the other who reached the top of her profession whilst being a mum , nor indeed me, who does the same job as my BIL and has done, successfully for more years.

I have no answers, but share your frustration.

I just say to my dad "we don't say things like that anymore " "think it if you must don't say it!!"

I remember an unpleasant man named (real name because he's been dead about 23 years) George who I cared for in a nursing home had form for being extremely rude to not just the "girls" (who were often in their 50s) but also two lovely men who worked with.
He called them thick, asked if they were retarded (his words) regularly and would say these blokes where "thicker than 2 short planks."

George was a prick, he was being extremely rude to these men one day as they were caring for him with absolute respect and he began mocking their accents and was just being really vile, calling them derogatory terms.
One of the men laughed it off, the other who I loved to bits was quite defeated by this, so I went to see George and told him he'd just really upset the fellas and not that it was his right to know, but both were doctors, just doing this job whilst doing further education.
He thought about it for a minute and I thought he may have had a light bulb moment.

He called me a daft cunt and laughed at the idea these men were doctors.

They're probably specialist consultants in their fields now, both were mega clever and the sensitive one was mega fit too, (not relevant but he really was) they were treated poorly from that tosser George because they weren't white.

Women are treated like they're stupid because they aren't men.

To ignore the intelligence of someone based on their skin colour or genitalia doesn't make a person anything other that a stupid, bigoted plant pot.

Fuck George and those with his opinions.

You can't change them but you should always feel superior to them 😌

Save your breath, he won't change now.

It's the way they say it. "Woman" is part of the insult, said as if it's something lesser.

Generations will always be divided by differing views on acceptable language etc. I understand that it's annoying and misogynistic etc but there really are worse things that could be said. My honest opinion is that you're never going to change him and you need to just accept it (even if it's through gritted teeth).

I have a similar issue with my father. MIL who is in her 70s says it’s because men in her and her father’s generation were very dominant over their wives and children.
He won’t change unfortunately.

I’d be saying “stupid old codger” as often as I possibly could around him, then.

YA obviously NBU

Id call it out every time. In fact I do when my dad does this - mind you my mum calls him out as well but it doesn’t change him.

I don’t want the children to hear this sort of thing go unchallenged, but also for my own sake I can’t just let it pass.

Really interesting to read all of your views on this. Relieved to see that most people would think I’m not just being a silly woman.

Infuriatingly, I’m being completely shut down on the subject by my father because I’m obviously being very silly 🙄.

Really admire those of you who’ve managed to rise about this sort of oppressive behaviour in your lives.

I get it.

My dad is the same. He doesn't call women silly because they have done something silly; he calls us silly because we are women. The prefix is automatic. There are men and silly women.

Even worse is the way he refers to female children: Silly wee lassies. I grew up being told I was a silly wee lassie; if I had friends over to the house, he'd go on about having a houseful of silly wee lassies; when my brother's family visits he'll say "DS is bringing over my grandson and the silly wee lassie". Even as a child I hated it, questioned it and flew off the handle about it. Unfortunately that just cemented his view of hysterical women getting upset about nothing.

I try to take the view that my father raised three children and has five grandchildren and not one of us has inherited a single one of his views so why try to change him now - it's a losing battle and at least I know those views and phrases will die with him. From time to time though, I end of in a crisis of conscience, knowing that he is likely upsetting others with his words - strangers, people just trying to do their jobs and get through the day and by not pulling him up every single time, I'm complicit in upsetting those people.

Thank God younger generations of women challenge misogyny and expect men to treat them as equals.

Also thankfully, it seems that misogynistic views of some fathers are being recognised and rejected.

This type of thing really winds me up. I'd be tempted to him/his peers as coffin dodgers/miserable old codgers when speaking to him. I am feeling particularly grumpy at the moment though.