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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be away on my due date

180 replies

JemimaWithTheStripeyTights · 01/08/2023 13:48

DH and I have been married ten years and have two DC (5 and 3). This year we're intending to spend Christmas with my family who live a couple of hundred miles away. But I'm pregnant with DC no 3, and turns out that my due date is a couple of days after Christmas! DC1 was a week late and DC2 right on time, so it does seem possible I might go into labour while we're away. Since the dating scan, DH has been making worried noises about whether it's wise for us to be away so close to my due date and asking whether we should consider staying at home. I was really looking forward to spending Xmas with my family (and DCs 1 & 2 are excited about opening their presents with their cousins) but can also see where DH's coming from. Like for instance is it difficult to get into a maternity unit if you're booked into a totally different hospital miles away? And can we cope with getting a newborn 200 miles home in a car already rammed with two other kids and their stuff? I love the idea of a perfect family Christmas with all the kids but am I being unreasonably impractical?

Other relevant info: I'm booked into our local maternity hospital where DCs 1 & 2 were born, the staff are lovely and I'd be sorry not to give birth there again. My family live in a city with lots of good hospitals, it's just the aspect of being in a place where I'm not already a patient that's the issue.

DH has raised his concerns but has said he'll absolutely support whatever decision I make. It's not because he doesn't want to spend Christmas away, we've done it several times before and he and my family get on famously. Think he's more worried that he'll end up delivering a baby on the hard shoulder of the M1, tbh.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 01/08/2023 16:44

I got told 3rd are unpredictable. Mine was fast literally an hour from first twinge to delivery. So nope wouldn't do it

pornyshroudofturin · 01/08/2023 16:46

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 01/08/2023 15:34

What support do you have at home, for when you have the baby. I’ll probably be the lone voice thinking that I’d prefer to have my family around me, to help with other kids than at home on my own. Especially if, as everyone on here appears to be predicting, there was a problem.
As an alternative, could your family come to you this year?

Going against the majority, I agree with the above.

DS2 was due mid December but was 2 weeks late. I ended up packing DS1 off with my parents (co-incidentally 200 miles away!) so he could have a lovely Christmas with his extended family while I went into hospital to be induced. I didn’t want to risk him being stuck at home with DH trying to look after him and be with me in labour over Christmas.

DS2 finally arrived late night of 22 December. We had to stay in hospital til the evening of 23rd, then on morning of Christmas Eve DH and i packed the car up and drove (very slowly. With lots of stops!) to join the rest of the family. We arrived at tea time on Christmas Eve and it was utterly magical to be all together. I got loads of help, and DS1 was with cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents so had lots to keep him busy. It was by best ever Christmas.

But I still remember the expression on the face of the woman in the baby change at the service station when I went to change DS’s nappy and he still had his umbilical stump! “Oh my- how old is he?” she asked. “Erm- about 36 hours”!!!

category12 · 01/08/2023 16:50

Wouldn't you be incredibly uncomfortable attempting to travel that far by car at that stage of your pregnancy anyway? Even if you don't go into labour?

Plus it's not great for newborns to be in car-seats for long periods if he or she is born while you're away.

I'm sure it's all already been said, but seems batty idea to me.

3rdtm · 01/08/2023 17:16

I haven't RTFT, but I really wouldn't.

As it happens, I'm also due in December with my 3rd.

I want to give birth in the hospital that I'm familiar with and that already know my whole medical history, where I went for scans ect.

Also, while no hospital would turn away a woman in labour, I think it's generally frowned upon if you go on holiday around your due date and just turn up at a random hospital.

The hospital usually plan how many women will give birth in a certain time and they have capacities.

This time around for instance I wanted to give birth again in the same hospital as I did with my other two children, but couldn't, as they were booked out.

ChristmasCwtch · 01/08/2023 17:17

I wouldn’t go either. It’s really far to be carting 2 kids, all of the Christmas paraphernalia and a newborn.

We went away on the weekend I was due. Only 1.5 hours from the hospital and I took my maternity bag, medical notes and car seat with us. I would have done that with other DC and lots of stuff. I felt safe that I could get to the same hospital and then it was 30 mins back home after birth.

VivaLesTartes · 01/08/2023 17:18

Based purely on what I have heard - as it's your third good chance they will come sooner rather than later. Absolutely nothing stopping you from going to a different hospital they certainly would still take you. But if you have a long journey home - newborns shouldn't be in the car seat for more than 45mins apparently so that would be tricky.

If you had said it was your first or that you were going an hour or so away then I would say go for it because they are unlikely to come on time plus the hospital would have you labour at home for a while ( time you could spend travelling back home) but sounds like you have a good chance of having them early so I wouldn't risk it.

Sunshineclouds11 · 01/08/2023 17:19

With DH on this one.
Pretty mad to think it'll work out

buckingmad · 01/08/2023 17:26

I’m due 2 weeks after Christmas and won’t be travelling to my family for Christmas this year (200 miles). It’s one Christmas, it’s not worth it.

Hollyppp · 01/08/2023 17:31

Absolutely nuts to be far from home around due date. I just had a baby at the weekend at week 38

caringcarer · 01/08/2023 18:29

I'd go on the first weekend in December and ask your mum to make you an early Xmas where you exchange gifts with your family and possibly take your kids to visit Santa etc. I'd be home for a couple of weeks before my due date and wouldn't travel much further than a shopping trip to town. I'd be planning to have Xmas at home this year OP.

bakewellbride · 01/08/2023 19:15

I'd give it a miss op. I missed an important family wedding that was 200 miles away and that was a month before my due date with my first!

MeMyselfandI2 · 02/08/2023 03:15

Hankunamatata · 01/08/2023 16:44

I got told 3rd are unpredictable. Mine was fast literally an hour from first twinge to delivery. So nope wouldn't do it

I’m told I was born 17 minutes after first twinge. So fast my clavicle and two other bones broke. Birth is so unpredictable in the best of circumstances it seems risky to add potential complications.

Findyourneutralspace · 02/08/2023 03:22

I’m a Christmas baby and my mum faced this dilemma. She says the year I was born was her favourite Christmas ever because it was just her, my dad, brother and baby me. She loves Christmas and puts so much pressure on herself for everything to be perfect but that year they had a lovely relaxed time bonding with their new baby. I like to think it was my presence that made it, but really I think it was the break from the usual pressure and being able to relax in her own home.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/08/2023 03:52

As with everyone else a def no

Can they come to you

Who will have older 2 when you do go into labour , assume dh be with you ?

OhcantthInkofaname · 02/08/2023 03:58

JemimaWithTheStripeyTights · 01/08/2023 13:48

DH and I have been married ten years and have two DC (5 and 3). This year we're intending to spend Christmas with my family who live a couple of hundred miles away. But I'm pregnant with DC no 3, and turns out that my due date is a couple of days after Christmas! DC1 was a week late and DC2 right on time, so it does seem possible I might go into labour while we're away. Since the dating scan, DH has been making worried noises about whether it's wise for us to be away so close to my due date and asking whether we should consider staying at home. I was really looking forward to spending Xmas with my family (and DCs 1 & 2 are excited about opening their presents with their cousins) but can also see where DH's coming from. Like for instance is it difficult to get into a maternity unit if you're booked into a totally different hospital miles away? And can we cope with getting a newborn 200 miles home in a car already rammed with two other kids and their stuff? I love the idea of a perfect family Christmas with all the kids but am I being unreasonably impractical?

Other relevant info: I'm booked into our local maternity hospital where DCs 1 & 2 were born, the staff are lovely and I'd be sorry not to give birth there again. My family live in a city with lots of good hospitals, it's just the aspect of being in a place where I'm not already a patient that's the issue.

DH has raised his concerns but has said he'll absolutely support whatever decision I make. It's not because he doesn't want to spend Christmas away, we've done it several times before and he and my family get on famously. Think he's more worried that he'll end up delivering a baby on the hard shoulder of the M1, tbh.

I'm with your husband. Stay home and get a ready made dinner. You will be exhausted by pregnancy and chasing two excited children by December.

Islandermummy · 02/08/2023 04:37

Congratulations!

While I salute your can-do attitude, I think a "fake" Christmas a few weeks before is the way to go, as suggested by another poster. That's the best of all worlds.

I visited family in the cotswolds (from London) when I was about 38 weeks pregnant, but it was my first baby so I thought I'd have a while to organise transport if I went into labour. I also had a feeling I'd go quite "overdue" (which I did). But on your due date with a third child seems quite punchy!

I would only go if you're close enough with your family that you'd be happy to stay at theirs for a few days post partum if the baby comes while you're there.

Also will your folks mind that you are quite a high flake risk?: if you get a few twinges on Christmas Eve you'll be really torn about whether to go. So you could end up cancelling at quite short notice (and then quickly having to plan a nice Christmas at home).

If you do go, then take your notes with you.

Your husband sounds lovely btw! A lot would be like "no chance"

autienotnaughti · 02/08/2023 04:51

If you plan to be at home now you can work on explaining to the kids (why do they know your December schedule anyway!)

If you plan to go it's going to be massively disruptive for your children if they can't go last minute or have to leave early. Not to mention stressful for you at a time when added stress won't help. Could you go for a weekend in early December and exchange gifts then ? Or would that interfere with the illusion of Xmas.

3luckystars · 02/08/2023 05:19

You have completely forgotten haven’t you?

There is no way this is happening. You will realise/remember closer to the time why none of this is a good idea, and at that stage you will be doing everything to CUT stress from your life.

All the best.

Abbyant · 02/08/2023 13:32

I don’t think you’d have any problems going to a different maternity hospital because all notes are electronic nowadays and if you did go into labour at least you’ve got plenty of support with the other children and your husband can be with you at the hospital but it is a long drive back with a brand new baby assuming everything went fine at the hospital and you or them weren’t kept in for an extended period of time, plus you wouldn’t have any of the baby essentials unless you planned to pack them just incase. So i guess it just depends on how confident you feel.

Lifeisapeach · 02/08/2023 13:56

For sure whatever happens you will be taken care of, unless your going miles out of range from a hospital.

However think of your husband if you were to go into labour away from home. Where would he stay when you are being cared for by the medics in a different hospital. I’m sure for both your sakes and your children the right thing is to stay local. What if there are complications and you are unable to leave hospital straight away. It’s a whole other level of stress that you (both) don’t need.

My friend travelled three miles to visit us and went into premature labour while staying with me. She was cared for at our local maternity unit. After a few days she and baby were allowed to travel home and all was thankfully very well. But it was the husband who I felt for as he had no real place to go other my house while I worked and tried to cook for him and make him feel as welcome
as possible and he travelled between my house and the hospital. It really was less than ideal.

There will be other Christmas’s

Poppyfun1 · 02/08/2023 14:05

I would stay put and organise for next year when the new baby will b here. How lovely for your family to be able to celebrate babys first Christmas as well.

Lavender14 · 02/08/2023 14:28

P.s just thinking what helped me cope with the idea of not getting to do my normal Christmas plans was thinking about what lovely new traditions I could create and how we could make the most of feeling festive. So lots of Xmas movies, board games, walks in the cold with a flask, Christmas markets etc etc and we hosted family for parties before and after baby came. That really helped me look forward to it and enjoy the run up because I couldn't be with my family.

Wally1983 · 02/08/2023 14:30

You go to your parents for Christmas but be prepared to deliver a baby at the most local hospital
OR
you stay home. Could everyone come to you instead?

you could have your baby early!! Meaning you’ll all be able to go away..

I don’t think you can make a decision like this until much closer to Christmas as you don’t know how you’ll be feeling…with or without having delivered by that date!

strawberry2017 · 02/08/2023 14:45

No way would I want to give birth at an unknown hospital 200 miles from where I live. Can you imagine having to get everyone home after. How uncomfortable that would be for you!
I would be staying home this year, invite them to yours if you want to see them but think it's madness to consider going so far when you are literally due!

HopityHope · 02/08/2023 14:53

MyMiniMetro · 01/08/2023 15:17

If you give birth in another city you will need to register their birth there too which might be tricky over Christmas and New Year and you may need to go back in January when you've decided on a name/the registry office is open.

Stay home for Christmas. Maybe do a family Christmas thing mid-November instead if you feel well enough.

This is actually a hugely valid point. If you can’t register in the hospital you have to wait for the registrar office to open.

but 200miles whilst pregnant even if you don’t deliver there? Trying to establish breast feeding in someone else’s house? And your kids not being at home when getting used to the new person?