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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be away on my due date

180 replies

JemimaWithTheStripeyTights · 01/08/2023 13:48

DH and I have been married ten years and have two DC (5 and 3). This year we're intending to spend Christmas with my family who live a couple of hundred miles away. But I'm pregnant with DC no 3, and turns out that my due date is a couple of days after Christmas! DC1 was a week late and DC2 right on time, so it does seem possible I might go into labour while we're away. Since the dating scan, DH has been making worried noises about whether it's wise for us to be away so close to my due date and asking whether we should consider staying at home. I was really looking forward to spending Xmas with my family (and DCs 1 & 2 are excited about opening their presents with their cousins) but can also see where DH's coming from. Like for instance is it difficult to get into a maternity unit if you're booked into a totally different hospital miles away? And can we cope with getting a newborn 200 miles home in a car already rammed with two other kids and their stuff? I love the idea of a perfect family Christmas with all the kids but am I being unreasonably impractical?

Other relevant info: I'm booked into our local maternity hospital where DCs 1 & 2 were born, the staff are lovely and I'd be sorry not to give birth there again. My family live in a city with lots of good hospitals, it's just the aspect of being in a place where I'm not already a patient that's the issue.

DH has raised his concerns but has said he'll absolutely support whatever decision I make. It's not because he doesn't want to spend Christmas away, we've done it several times before and he and my family get on famously. Think he's more worried that he'll end up delivering a baby on the hard shoulder of the M1, tbh.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 01/08/2023 15:53

This has got to be a wind up?

Surely no-one is this oblivious to the multitude of reasons you shouldn't travel 200 miles away from home around your EDD?

VickyEadieofThigh · 01/08/2023 15:53

Almost everyone has said it would be a bad idea. That's because it's a very, very bad idea.

bagforlifeamnesty · 01/08/2023 15:54

I'm not due DC3 until late Jan and even I'm considering not going anywhere over Xmas in case of issues (in fairness DC1 did arrive at 36 weeks, she was also due late Jan and I ended up going into hospital with her on 27th Dec. But DC2 wasn't early). It just seems like unnecessary stress. I agree with a pp why not do a big trip over Easter instead?

SpicyKale · 01/08/2023 15:54

This is nuts. A few years ago my cousin was due on 22 Dec but absolutely certain she wouldn't go until after Christmas (her first was late, induced). She ended up with a beautiful baby boy delivered in 15 mins on Christmas morning, at home because they didn't make it to the hospital as labour was so quick!

If she had suggested coming to visit me anywhere near Christmas she'd have been shouted down

Crunchingleaf · 01/08/2023 15:55

DC1 was two weeks late, DC2 induced one week early, DC3 arrived two weeks early.

I definitely wouldn’t go anywhere around due date. If you go into labour while away and have baby there would it not be more unsettling for kids to be away from home? What if you or baby need a longer hospital stay? What about how long the journey home would be for the newborn. I agree with your DH.

CrotchetyQuaver · 01/08/2023 15:59

I wouldn't, you might be fine but if you're not, you end up having the baby there and have a looong drive back a hormonal mess, sore as anything possibly with stitches . What about the logistics of travelling back with a newborn as well as the other 2 DC? You'd probably want to sit in the back with the baby so one of the older ones would have to go in the front. I'd get them to come to you or postpone until next year.

rach2713 · 01/08/2023 16:03

My dd came 6 days before xmas and the last thing on my mind was traveling around seeing people if they really wanted to spend time with us they came to use. I just wanted to stay in my pjs and enjoy the day with my baby and son and husband. You will have another xmas to spend time with your parents.

Bunnycat101 · 01/08/2023 16:05

You’d be mad. Don’t think there is a single poster who thinks this is a good idea.

My first labour was v long- it was a 3 day job so lulled me into a false sense of security... I was very lucky no.2 didn’t arrive on the way to the hospital as I hadn’t realised how far along I was. I’d hit transition at home and then we were like ‘oh shit’. at that point our childcare hadn’t yet arrived for our eldest and my husband was about to knock on our neighbours in the middle of the night to take my toddler as his parents pulled up. The journey to the hospital was deeply unpleasant and is not an experience that I’d fancy on a motorway. The risk isn’t insignificant that you could have a quick labour while on route.

OhwhyOY · 01/08/2023 16:09

I wouldn't take the risk personally. Do an early Christmas or an easter break as others have suggested.

Duckmylife · 01/08/2023 16:10

Could the family come to you instead?

Lb603 · 01/08/2023 16:12

Irresponsible and mad.

If you don't want to miss them opening presents have them all to you

margegunderson · 01/08/2023 16:19

"It turns out" that your due date is just after Christmas. You're five months gone and this has only just occurred to you? And you've already got two children so all this isn't new to you? You absolutely cannot be serious. Can you?

Drfosters · 01/08/2023 16:22

I think that is too close I’m afraid. Can you schedule to have a delayed Xmas after the baby is born? I remember close friends got married a few days before my due date. I took my notes just in case and we went to the ceremony but decided it wasn’t worth risking staying for the meal (we told them in advance!) which was a shame but we came at right back. I was a few days early for my first and on time for my second so you really just don’t know. A week before i’d have said chance it but on the due date is cutting it a bit too fine.

Olika · 01/08/2023 16:23

I would never go away around my due date. Too risky.

ohwhatadustyanswer · 01/08/2023 16:24

I managed to go into labour hundreds of miles from home and I don’t recommend it (7 weeks prem). The baby was seriously unwell and needed to go into ICU for several weeks - horrible time for us all trying to cope in an unfamiliar city without all the things we needed. A long car journey home with tiny baby when we did get out of hospital was also horrible. Have you considered how you would manage if you got stuck there for some time?

willWillSmithsmith · 01/08/2023 16:25

This is a no-brainer. You stay home at Christmas.

Pollyputthekettleonha · 01/08/2023 16:27

You would be mad to do this.

PriamFarrl · 01/08/2023 16:29

margegunderson · 01/08/2023 16:19

"It turns out" that your due date is just after Christmas. You're five months gone and this has only just occurred to you? And you've already got two children so all this isn't new to you? You absolutely cannot be serious. Can you?

I’m glad it wasn’t just me that thought that. Your due date is hardly a surprise at this point. Even just roughly you would know it was around Christmas.

RoseMartha · 01/08/2023 16:30

You need to stay home. Maybe consider have them come to you if they are willing to muck in and help with all the Christmas stuff.

brentwoods · 01/08/2023 16:35

I'm relaxed, have late babies, and that would be a definite "No" for me. Stay home.

DeliciouslyDecadent · 01/08/2023 16:35

I'd suggest your family come to you and book a hotel or Airbnb now for Christmas.

And get your online order in asap for a food delivery!

Hiddenvoice · 01/08/2023 16:38

Sorry op but I’m with your husband here. You never know how you’ll be feeling at that stage and you don’t want to take any risks.

Is it possible the family come to you or stay locally for a few days?

NancyJoan · 01/08/2023 16:39

Even if the baby doesn’t come until early Jan, 5 hours in the car each way at full term sounds hellish to me. Stay home!

momtoboys · 01/08/2023 16:42

You are taking a ridiculous chance.

tt9 · 01/08/2023 16:43

erm... no?

driving 200 miles few days before your due date.... when you sit in a car seat you can (partially) block your IVC... not to mention risk of DVTs .... Labour on the road - risk of RTAs, even a small one being catastrophic. car breaking down in adverse weather conditions... travel at that stage of pregnancy is only advised if it is an absolute emergency.

and that's before you even get there... the midwife/obs team won't have access to your full notes + won't know you. and obs units in cities are often very busy so you may be shocked at the kind of care you receive. if you end up needing a c section, you certainly won't be able to travel back as soon as you would like.

also baby could arrive early, before you even travel down.

why not arrange for your parents to visit you over Xmas instead? that way you still have a great Xmas and avoid the risks..

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