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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be away on my due date

180 replies

JemimaWithTheStripeyTights · 01/08/2023 13:48

DH and I have been married ten years and have two DC (5 and 3). This year we're intending to spend Christmas with my family who live a couple of hundred miles away. But I'm pregnant with DC no 3, and turns out that my due date is a couple of days after Christmas! DC1 was a week late and DC2 right on time, so it does seem possible I might go into labour while we're away. Since the dating scan, DH has been making worried noises about whether it's wise for us to be away so close to my due date and asking whether we should consider staying at home. I was really looking forward to spending Xmas with my family (and DCs 1 & 2 are excited about opening their presents with their cousins) but can also see where DH's coming from. Like for instance is it difficult to get into a maternity unit if you're booked into a totally different hospital miles away? And can we cope with getting a newborn 200 miles home in a car already rammed with two other kids and their stuff? I love the idea of a perfect family Christmas with all the kids but am I being unreasonably impractical?

Other relevant info: I'm booked into our local maternity hospital where DCs 1 & 2 were born, the staff are lovely and I'd be sorry not to give birth there again. My family live in a city with lots of good hospitals, it's just the aspect of being in a place where I'm not already a patient that's the issue.

DH has raised his concerns but has said he'll absolutely support whatever decision I make. It's not because he doesn't want to spend Christmas away, we've done it several times before and he and my family get on famously. Think he's more worried that he'll end up delivering a baby on the hard shoulder of the M1, tbh.

OP posts:
Glitterstars · 01/08/2023 15:22

Car journey that long at 40 weeks would be very tough and very likely you could give birth whilst away which isn’t ideal. Do it next year I wouldn’t even be considering it.

Blondewithredlips · 01/08/2023 15:22

Totallyconfusedperson · 01/08/2023 13:51

Why would you even consider a trip away around your due date? Anything could happen, baby or you could be poorly and you’ll be in a different city to your older DCs for months. It’s not a risk I’ll be willing to take. I’m in total agreement with your DH

This

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 01/08/2023 15:24

I think you should stay home.

Also, and this applies to other situations, not just OP: Why on earth do people set these expectations months in advance for small kids?? It's like all the wedding threads saying "My dc are going to be devastated to find they weren't invited..." or "If I cancel the holiday my kids will be so let down." Well, they wouldn't be disappointed or devastated if they weren't told about things in the first place.

When I was a toddler/primary child, I wouldn't have known a relative was getting married, let alone feel entitled to an invitation. I wouldn't have known until shortly before departure if a holiday or visit were planned.

I don't think my parents were outliers in planning/scheduling family matters and then letting us know on an as-needed basis. It certainly saved a lot of disappointment, in that we were not primed six months in advance to have certain expectations which might or might not fall through. Certainly not before age 12 or 13.

N8Emma · 01/08/2023 15:28

My daughter's due date was 29th December. We decided to plan an extended family Christmas gathering 2 weeks before my due date so that we could all be together and exchange presents, have a 'christmas dinner' etc. Could this be a possibility? (My daughter actually ended up coming just over two weeks early so we had a newborn at the gathering in the end- best laid plans and all that!)

BottomFishBananas · 01/08/2023 15:30

I would be staying at home, and I’m shocked your family are agreeable to you travelling so close to your due date.

DinnaeFashYersel · 01/08/2023 15:30

I cannot imagine that hell that would be travelling a couple of hundred miles at full term pregnancy.

Frankly you are off your head to consider it and its really not fair on your DH or family.

Elmers · 01/08/2023 15:30

Never mind what happens if you give birth there, just the thought of a 200 mile car journey whilst full term is bad enough. Surely that's going to be SO uncomfortable.

WonderingWanda · 01/08/2023 15:32

Apart from all the obvious reasons already pointed out. I am struggling to comprehend why you would go when you have the perfect excuse to stay home and please yourself for once.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 01/08/2023 15:34

What support do you have at home, for when you have the baby. I’ll probably be the lone voice thinking that I’d prefer to have my family around me, to help with other kids than at home on my own. Especially if, as everyone on here appears to be predicting, there was a problem.
As an alternative, could your family come to you this year?

Keeponkeepigon · 01/08/2023 15:34

My child was early and I gave birth to him over 100 miles from home. To answer your question the hospital were fine about it. I didn’t have any records with me but that was no issue. It wasn’t an ideal situation but everything went well and overall the whole experience was better than with my first child. I ended up back at my parents house, and everyone helped me with my new baby.

Yusay · 01/08/2023 15:35

Wow OP that is one dumb idea.

Stay home for Christmas this year. Even the long drive could cause you major physical complications.

I cannot believe that you don’t already know this.

Thosepeskyseagulls · 01/08/2023 15:37

It’s not ideal for newborns to be travelling that far on a car journey.

Ponderingwindow · 01/08/2023 15:39

that wonderful Christmas stuck in traffic, the newborn screaming for the breast, mom leaking through her pad, the kids wishing they were home playing with toys instead of wedged between a screaming baby and the box of new toy they weren’t allowed to open all the way because the pieces would get lost.

Twiglets1 · 01/08/2023 15:41

Stay home and maybe invite them all over the first weekend in December instead for a pre Christmas get together? Tell them it will be a takeaway in the evening though due to you being 8 months pregnant unless your husband can manage the cooking.

BusyMum47 · 01/08/2023 15:42

@JemimaWithTheStripeyTights

No way. Not a chance. Utter madness.

mindutopia · 01/08/2023 15:44

I think you really do need to consider your dh's wishes here. Becoming a parent even when you already have two can be stressful. I'd want to be at home in my own bed. I'd want to have all my usual things around me for the kids so I could be sorting them out preparing for my partner to come home with new baby. It would be really unsettling to be a houseguest, with two kids in tow, and a partner in labour. I mean, I'm sure that childcare is a potential issue and maybe it would be easier for family to cover childcare if you're already there. But if I was having to go through all that and sort out the kids and their emotions and needs and prepping them for a new sibling coming home, I'd want to be in my own comfortable surroundings with our regular routine and all the things I need there rather than 300 miles away. It sounds like you are making things unnecessarily complicated. Could you go at the beginning of December and do 'Christmas' with your family early?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 01/08/2023 15:45

N8Emma · 01/08/2023 15:28

My daughter's due date was 29th December. We decided to plan an extended family Christmas gathering 2 weeks before my due date so that we could all be together and exchange presents, have a 'christmas dinner' etc. Could this be a possibility? (My daughter actually ended up coming just over two weeks early so we had a newborn at the gathering in the end- best laid plans and all that!)

That's a good idea.

MollysBrolly · 01/08/2023 15:45

Go next year instead?

Qbishy · 01/08/2023 15:48

Elmers · 01/08/2023 15:30

Never mind what happens if you give birth there, just the thought of a 200 mile car journey whilst full term is bad enough. Surely that's going to be SO uncomfortable.

TWO 200 mile journeys - there and back!!

NeverGoodEnough21 · 01/08/2023 15:48

Utter madness IMO.

Qbishy · 01/08/2023 15:49

Qbishy · 01/08/2023 15:48

TWO 200 mile journeys - there and back!!

Show quote history

IN CHRISTMAS TRAFFIC!!!

Confusion101 · 01/08/2023 15:50

This HAS TO be a piss take! Nobody could possibly think it's a good idea travelling that far at that stage of pregnancy

mewkins · 01/08/2023 15:51

furby948528 · 01/08/2023 14:01

I agree with your DH also there is a very good chance you will give birth there.

Alternatively could you go 2/3 weeks before and have an early Christmas celebration with your family? I would be considering this anyway in case your in hospital/giving birth/postpartum on Xmas day

I'd do this too. Go early December and do a nice Christmas party thing and then return home.

Mayhem3 · 01/08/2023 15:52

Why can’t your parents come up to yours?

That way they’re on hand to babysit if you do go into labour.

They could even come up a couple weeks early and have an early Xmas, so if you do go into labour on Xmas your kids will still have half a normal Christmas.

I’d also think about the fact that you might not be around on Xmas day or go into labour on Xmas day and what food etc can be bought so the kids can still have a fun day.

Enriquetta · 01/08/2023 15:52

Are you nuts? Of course you stay home!