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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend said I'm cheating my way through the menopause

428 replies

LovingLalo · 01/08/2023 09:59

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

I

OP posts:
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5
CeciNestPasUnPipi · 01/08/2023 10:44

Envy is a horribly destructive emotion and so hard to 'fess up to. Your friend is currently in the grip of it and it's not your job to undo it.

Hadjab · 01/08/2023 10:45

She sounds like the type to walk off a broken leg. Her choice, but she's an idiot if she thinks everyone should subscribe to her foolishness.

ModestMoon · 01/08/2023 10:45

Wiccan · 01/08/2023 10:43

Wow you're a treasure aren't you !

Show quote history

Do you want to elaborate? I don't see what's particularly un-treasury about what I said. I was just making the point that what someone says about their own situation is not necessarily a judgement about how someone else handles theirs.

Lolaandbehold · 01/08/2023 10:46

OP I had an elective c-section because I didn’t fancy a vaginal labour. Was judged for that too. People (well, other women) were put out that I had so much a nice time, zero pain, excellent recovery, rather than bad tearing, episiotomy, too late for epidural etc. 🤷‍♀️
Misery loves company. Shrug your shoulders and leave her to her misery as you enjoy your thirties again. 😁

Wahwahwahwahwah · 01/08/2023 10:47

Honestly why do you care? I don't use hormonal contraceptives because I have PCOS, so I use a copper coil or the hormones mess with me. But I don't care if other women use them. Why are you taking it personally?

lastminutewednesday · 01/08/2023 10:47

Well when she gets her sainthood for being a martyr to the menopause you can build a shrine to her. Until then she's a bit of an idiot, and feel free to ignore her.

HoppingPavlova · 01/08/2023 10:47

Hopefully she’s never cheated at the dentist if needing a root canal then?

ilovemydogmore · 01/08/2023 10:48

There are no prizes for suffering!

Very strange reaction from your friend.

GameOverBoys · 01/08/2023 10:48

Modern medicine is cheating! 😂
she’s entitled to do what she likes but calling HRT cheating is rude and frankly a bit bonkers

MyMiniMetro · 01/08/2023 10:48

I think you know this woman is one of 'those women' who are obsessed with doing 'the right thing' because doing 'the right thing' and not 'cheating' is what got them their only praise and parental attention as a small girl. I pity the woman - enduring unnecessary menopause symptoms because her brain is still trying to impress her parents at some level.

evtheria · 01/08/2023 10:49

Wow - as if it's not shit enough for women trying to get menopausal issues addressed, or the right HRT given to them, now you've got viewpoints like that! 🤣

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 01/08/2023 10:50

Menopause causes insomnia?!? That explains so much right now. You’re not cheating your way through it OP, I wish my doctor would let me have HRT. Im on my knees with hot flushes every 5 mins all day and night, my anxiety is so far through the roof that I can barely leave the house anymore. Do what helps, do what’s best for you and sod the judgement friends opinion.

Wiccan · 01/08/2023 10:50

ModestMoon · 01/08/2023 10:45

Do you want to elaborate? I don't see what's particularly un-treasury about what I said. I was just making the point that what someone says about their own situation is not necessarily a judgement about how someone else handles theirs.

Show quote history

Not really luv, my HRT has given the added ability to not give a fuck !

Appleofmyeye2023 · 01/08/2023 10:52

I am 60, I’m still getting hot flushes, some 16 years after they started. I had a miserable peri and menopause didn’t actually bring much relief other than stopping the period flooding. I have UTI issues, bowel issues and good knows what else.

at time I could have gone onto HRT, it was peak all the scare stories about breast cancer and DVT- with family history of both multiple GPS would not recommend it for me. By time the scare stories were squashed, GPs told me it was too late really, and I was likely through the worse.

im 60 and feel like an old women. I’ve even thought about going to GP now and asking for it, but read this isn’t advised

she won’t get a fucking medal from anyone form “not cheating “, so if she says this, or similar again, just ask who she thinks is going to give her that medal ?

MadamPickles · 01/08/2023 10:52

I would try not to judge too much, TBH, and treat it as a daft, throwaway comment that has no impact on your choice. HRT is a funny thing (and I say that as someone who has been on it for a long time, because I'm in surgical menopause). Women have been told for a long time that it's a vanity drug that causes cancer. There are plenty of GP's who are still clinging to that idea. And women are judged for it whether they do or they don't.

She may have reasons for not being able to have it that she doesn't want to share and is tired of being told to 'just' use it. Maybe she's always believed that she is the sort of woman who is strong enough to cope and she can't bring herself to admit that she was wrong. Maybe she's got issues with seeing a GP (after years of incompetent medical treatment it's something I struggle with).

Her choice doesn't need to be your choice, I suppose.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 01/08/2023 10:53

Some people believe women deserve to suffer and that anything that alleviates our biological suffering is ‘cheating’. See also: pain relief in childbirth.

Marblessolveeverything · 01/08/2023 10:54

The choosing another path - fair play. The "cheating" comment - that is the issue. I am 47 and beginning to have mild symptoms. honestly I am ignorant of choices available. Thank you OP it has gave a kick in the butt to go do some research of choices I have!

unsync · 01/08/2023 10:55

I might be rethinking that friendship in your position.

Wishimaywishimight · 01/08/2023 10:55

What nonsense. Is she expecting a medal at the end of it?

Original poster
LovingLalo · 01/08/2023 10:56

@Wahwahwahwahwah you want to know why at that moment I took it personally?
Because I watched the heart breaking Nicola Bulley coverage and I finally realised how bad I had become. All I kept thinking was I wish I could do the same as her and actually contemplated it.
I didn't cheat, I might actually have saved my own life. And I was also drinking to self medicate the crippling anxiety.

OP posts:
WannaBeRecluse · 01/08/2023 10:56

Cheating is a weird way to describe it. I had my babies without pain relief, I'm pretty resilient really. I've lived with chronic pain for 20 years without taking pain medication, other than over the counter occasionally. I prefer to do things without medication, for context.

I've resorted to HRT after trying all the supplements and natural approaches. I wouldn't call it cheating. I call it surviving. I want to be on it as little and as short as possible and regard it as a necessary evil. I don't think I'm less for taking it. I just think women who don't understand why the medically resistant among us might feel they have no choice.

I think your friend is just lucky that she hasn't got to the point where she's desperate enough. She may get there, she may not. Like all things, some have it easy, others do it hard. I don't seem to be among the lucky ones.

ivykaty44 · 01/08/2023 10:57

If you have any type of medical break fixing it naturally means what?

leaving thyroid medication on the shelf until you end up in a coma, or similar with diabetes - not everyone suffers with diabetes and not everyone suffers with menopause but you wouldn't dream of telling someone they were cheating by taking medication

Walkaround · 01/08/2023 10:57

Yes, it’s so much better not to cheat osteoporosis, insomnia, vaginal dryness, bladder infections and anxiety.

WannaBeRecluse · 01/08/2023 10:59

WannaBeRecluse · 01/08/2023 10:56

Cheating is a weird way to describe it. I had my babies without pain relief, I'm pretty resilient really. I've lived with chronic pain for 20 years without taking pain medication, other than over the counter occasionally. I prefer to do things without medication, for context.

I've resorted to HRT after trying all the supplements and natural approaches. I wouldn't call it cheating. I call it surviving. I want to be on it as little and as short as possible and regard it as a necessary evil. I don't think I'm less for taking it. I just think women who don't understand why the medically resistant among us might feel they have no choice.

I think your friend is just lucky that she hasn't got to the point where she's desperate enough. She may get there, she may not. Like all things, some have it easy, others do it hard. I don't seem to be among the lucky ones.

I understand, OP. This past weekend my husband supported me while I cried because it was so awful that day. I told him I totally got how some people just couldn't handle this. Today is a better day though and, one day, it will end. I hope at the other side of this it will be easier.

LivesinLondon2000 · 01/08/2023 10:59

That is just a bonkers response from your friend.
You have a choice of suffering or not suffering - why on earth would you choose suffering? Sounds like she is jealous and maybe either can’t or is afraid to take HRT herself (all the cancer scare stories do still put people off even though they’re mostly debunked). Just ignore her