Friend said I'm cheating my way through the menopause

[LovingLalo]

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

I

Her friend just called her a cheat. That's a fairly personal insult.

There appear to be loads of women out there who think being a martyr is something to aspire to.

Childbirth without pain relief (if you need it).

Menopause without HRT (if you need it).

Why?

I have a similar friend. I'm on HRT, she isn't. Fair enough. For those of you who can manage your symptoms without HRT then that is brilliant and I'm pleased that you aren't suffering. BUT there are a huge number of women who struggle with everyday shit when menopausal and we should never be made to feel embarrassed or shamed into 'having to admit to resorting to HRT' (this is what my friend made me feel - she's being faded out now because of this and lots of other nasty things she's said - what's funny is that she's menopausal but refuses to believe she's suffering!)

Whenever, in a group environment of all similar aged women, this 'friend' would say 'oh I'm doing it naturally, not having any issues whatsoever' with a smug grin and dismissed others suffering. She was insufferable, she wouldn't see others points of view or symptoms because if she didn't suffer them, then no-one else did. So weird.

I hope it doesn't come back and bite her on the bum later!

I will absolutely be having HRT, it’s not just a about me, I remember when my mother discovered HRT it was life changing, not for her but for the rest of us, it was like living with a vicious demonic possessed monster before she started HRT.

I don't want to use HRT as I have a family history of breast cancer. I am jealous of everyone for whom it is a safer option though! Ignore her, she's being weird.

She better pray she doesn’t ever have vaginal atrophy: stinging, burning and the constant need to wee. She’d crawl over broken glass for some HRT cream. Trust me x

Supposedly you should be able to use transdermal estrogen, even with family history. You'd need to discuss with a doctor who is really clued in (they can be hard to find, in my experience) as some are not up to date on the latest.

oh definitely! I have no desire to kill people anymore and I'm much nicer to be around now I'm on HRT!😉😉😄

Agree. This is why I'm on it. The other symptoms I can deal with. This made me overcome my risk aversion for HRT (or any med). I just don't care!

100 per cent same as you. Other symptoms manageable apart from the atrophy

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5L7wpobrHnESXFhSfk4yBz?si=X_ZhD1LfQ36Lyz_D9a1QbA

For those of you who are wondering about oestrogen and breast cancer, I listened to this today.

The Podcaster is a uro-gynae in America and this is a discussion with an Oncologist.

Her podcasts are amazing BTW. I love her and I've learnt so much from listening to her podcasts.

Exactly. Is antibiotics cheating your way through an infection….. get new friends!

I'm sorry you're in this boat too.

Her name is Dr Kelly Casperson if you want to search your own podcast source.

Sounds like the usual competitive martyrdom nonsense: the one in which women believe it's somehow a 'failure' to have pain relief medication in labour, or give birth by EMCS. Your kid still got here; what's the issue? I'm incredibly grateful for modern medicine: without it he wouldn't have been conceived in the first place and we'd have lost him in labour.

I think it's nuts, and can't comprehend it in the slightest. Why suffer if you don't have to?

Depending on the state of this friendship otherwise, I'd simply laugh at her. Because what other possibly response is there, other than agreeing that it's a great idea to suffer when you don't have to?

That's absolutely crazy it's a hormone deficiency taking HRT is the same kind of thing as taking iron when you're anemic.

Your friend is a bit of a tit, pay her no heed.

No prizes for being a judgy martyr.

If it had been considered safe 12 years ago when I was in hell, I would have loved it.

Enjoy feeling well and getting solid sleep, which is critical to general health.

Cheating? 😂😂😂😂does she feel pain relief for childbirth is cheating? Does she think antibiotics are cheating. She's fucking weird OP.

She’s not ”doing it properly” and you’re far from cheating. There is no one correct way of doing it. I don’t think she’s any more amazing than you are. In fact I’m more inspired by you than I am by her. She just thinks you have to plod through those years whereas you don’t. I’d rather listen to you than her.

She’s making menopause out to be something that women should have to suffer with more than they need to, all in the name of proving how strong women are. And as though all the discomfort it brings should be something to happily and fully embrace because of what it all stands for.

I’d rather spend those years feeling like you are. And I will seek the help if I need to.

I wonder if she has the same views about women giving birth who use pain relief? Are they cheating their way through that, too?

Your friend is an idiot. I have to take hormone blocking medication thanks to past cancer and it's grim - thinning skin etc. HRT is a miracle and if I could possibly take it, I'd be biting arms off.

Does she think she should have surgery without anaesthesia or pain relief, too? Cheating avoidable suffering is a mark of intelligence. There are no prizes when you die, as far as I am aware, for suffering more than you had to through declining HRT. You just made some of this one, precious, valuable life worse than it needed to be. That's all. What's the point of that?

Not wanting it because she's read up and feels the risks aren't ones she is comfortable with is one thing. But to avoid 'cheating'? Ridiculous.

Unless she never dyes her hair, wears makeup, uses moisturiser, takes any medication, would refuse chemotherapy, declined any medical intervention when she gave birth if she did, walks to and from anywhere she’s ever been , never used any form of birth control and has never been to a dentist, she can jump up her own ass and I am happy to provide my phone number so she can call me and I can set her straight on the matter. And yes, there are moronic women who think they’re ‘better’ for toughing it out when in actual fact it’s just exercising their right to choose.

I prefer to do things naturally but I wouldn't judge anyone who is probably far more sensible that I am for taking meds. She's not very nice.

I didn't know there were rules! Sod that do whatever you need. Think I'm perimenopausal and if this is it, I'll be taking whatever I need. No prizes for being a martyr!!!

All sorted now with Ovestin cream. Do try if you haven’t already x

She’s probably the sort of person who wanted a medal and adoration for not having any pain relief in childbirth. Ignore her nonsense and let her enjoy her menopause the way she thinks she should. Good for you for doing what works for you!