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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend said I'm cheating my way through the menopause

428 replies

LovingLalo · 01/08/2023 09:59

I'm 47 and have been on HRT since February. I had reached a crisis point where I could hardly sleep, had anxiety over trivial things, I'd put on 2 stone as had no motivation to exercise anymore and I had no zest for life.
6 months later and I feel like I'm 37 again. My mood and skin are great, I'm back to a size 10 and exercising, most importantly I'm back to 8 hours unbroken sleep. It's been life changing for me.

Saw my friend yesterday who is also struggling and she knew I had started HRT. I encouraged her to go to her GP. Blunt response was no I'd rather do it naturally than cheat thanks.
I'm both gobsmacked and really hurt. Is this how some women think?

I

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Askil · 04/08/2023 00:13

Makegoodchoices · 01/08/2023 10:06

Is taking paracetamol for a headache ‘cheating your way through a headache’?

Bonkers.

Yep! you're supposed to endure it till the very end, that way you can show others what a sucker for pain you are.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/08/2023 01:13

ivykaty44 · 03/08/2023 23:27

So if I’m lifting weights and doing resistance training, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t have a sedentary life style but don’t take HRT which would be better?

so Asian woman not having dairy products suffer greatly from osteoporosis?

Apparently a vegan diet helps the menopause but there is a down side not really good for the bones. I am 39 I don't know what my plans are apart from exercise for now. I watched 3 women go through the menopause 1 went through hell and she was on HRT as well and it didn't help the second women jogged her way through it like Forest Gump and the third looked like she weren't even in the world anymore she looked gone I was shocked she has now gone into hiding. All women are different you have to do what works for you and your body.

lilacsinbloom · 04/08/2023 01:28

People have very weird views about HRT. Either you shouldn't be on it because (dire proclamation) or you must be on it or (dire proclamation).

Do what works for you. But do also take care of your health and your bones in other ways. There is plenty of easily accessible information out there about that.

Seddon · 04/08/2023 02:11

People have very weird views about HRT. Either you shouldn't be on it because (dire proclamation) or you must be on it or (dire proclamation).

Agree, there's just so much drama and hyperbole in a lot of the menopause/HRT threads. I've learned so much, and am very grateful to the women who have educated me in a measured, factual way, but my god I've had to wade through some OTT stuff to get to the useful bits.

Living outside the UK, it's interesting to see just how prevalent the peri/menopause narrative (I was going to say obsession!) seems to be. SO many posts starting with "I'm peri/menopausal so...." even when it has zero to do with the topic.

I work almost exclusively with other women in their 40s and 50s... it's understood we're all in that zone, we don't harp on about it. If I'm grumpy, achy, hot, then I just am, I don't need to tell the world I'M HOT BECAUSE I'M MENOPAUSAL HAHA anymore than my teenagers need to add that they're pubescent to all their observations about themselves.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/08/2023 08:42

There are different types of HRT and you have to find the right one for you. Davina did a programme on it women still struggle until they find the suitable treatment for their needs. I get you were lucky but it's a journey for some women and not all doctors are sympathetic or they only offer one brand of HRT.

GenieGenealogy · 04/08/2023 08:49

Agree, @Carpediemmakeitcount . It's like the contraceptive pill, they all do the same thing but most of us who have taken the pill at some point know that we do better on X brand than Y brand. Because we're all different.

Personally, I found that I was just awful on the oestrogen gel, anxiety back like being hit by a truck and it just wasn't working for me at all. I am best on Estradot patches, but not Evorel patches at the same dose because I am allergic to the glue on the Evorel. Other women are the opposite. It really is a matter of trying a few things before getting the right combination for you as an individual. The issue is often finding a GP who is clued up about the doses and options and is happy to listen and prescribe what you want.

Walkaround · 04/08/2023 09:52

Carpediemmakeitcount · 03/08/2023 23:21

The best way to prevent osteoporosis is exercise and weight training. Weight-bearing exercise and resistance exercise are particularly important for improving bone density and helping to prevent osteoporosis. NHS website https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/osteoporosis/prevention/#:~:text=Regular%20exercise%20is%20essential.,and%20helping%20to%20prevent%20osteoporosis.

Good diet and weight bearing exercise are certainly the most important things (along with ensuring good levels of vitamin D, which is not really possible from diet alone, as it is mainly produced by the body itself from sun exposure) - but bear in mind this needs to be a lifelong approach, as you reach peak bone density at quite a young age, which will only be a good peak bone density if you did this all through childhood and your teenage years, and early adulthood - without ever over-doing it, because over-training is also a risk factor for osteoporosis in female athletes. Everyone starts to lose bone density in their 30s, regardless, and at least half of women over 50 end up with osteoporosis, often only something they realise when they fall and break a wrist, or break their hip, or start getting shorter and having back pain.

Very unhelpfully, a lot of the advice for women around pelvic floor issues like prolapse is that things like running, lifting heavy weights, jumping, etc, can exacerbate the problems, so they are instantly confronted by conflicting advice - both do and don’t do too much weight bearing exercise… or, would you rather your internal organs fell out of your vagina, or that your spine crumbled? Doctors simply don’t bother, or know, how to advise women properly on how to protect both their pelvic floor and their skeleton at the same time (and, eg, hypermobility has been linked to increased likelihood of both osteoporosis and prolapse, so it’s harder for some women than others!).

And then, of course, no-one can really help being severely asthmatic, or having rheumatoid arthritis, or cancer, or crohn’s disease, or coeliac’s disease, or any of the other things that can increase the likelihood of osteoporosis. Nobody can help their genes. If you are caucasian and have a small frame, you can’t change that.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/08/2023 10:02

You could try swimming I see a lot of older ladies swimming when I go.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 04/08/2023 10:04

Hurt ?
she’s wrong and I’d just laugh it off to be honest

your the one doing ok

just smile and say Ok !

Bluebelle100 · 04/08/2023 10:32

I resisted HRT for a long time and there were lots of myths about safety. At the grand old age of 62 I've been on it for almost a year and feel so much more 'normal'. I will probably ween myself off it as I approach 63. Hot flushes, itching, insomnia and totally irrational fear/anxiety was ruining my life.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/08/2023 10:33

I think the best advice is to listen to your body and if the exercise is too much stop or tone it down a little. When it comes to exercise it's a marathon not a race you have to build up slowly and most importantly do an exercise you enjoy like badminton or yoga. I went to a yoga class once I was 12 stone at the time 5 foot 4inch after the class was done the teacher came over to me and told me she didn't think I would cope with the exercise but I did and I followed her exercise from start to finish.

I have 4 children 3 was natural birth the last one was assisted it was a forcep delivery. My vagina has never felt the same since I do lift weights only what my body is comfortable in lifting.

I have always been active the real issues start when you retire and you're no longer active. I worked in care the worst thing anyone can do is be sedentary. I cared for a 95 year old man and although he struggled with mobility he still did gentle exercise movements.

LovingLalo · 04/08/2023 12:02

@Carpediemmakeitcount unfortunately swimming is not a weight bearing exercise. It's great for your heart and flexibility but will not protect your bones.
Bone density dramatically reduces at 45 onwards.

OP posts:
Walkaround · 04/08/2023 12:23

Neither swimming nor cycling help with bone density.

T1Dmama · 04/08/2023 12:43

ivykaty44 · 03/08/2023 15:26

How do you know that this wouldn’t have happened anyway?

Well I can’t be 100%…. But how do people who get cancer know they wouldn’t have got it even without HRT? They don’t!.
but we have no family history of crumbling bones with my nan being 97 currently and still fit and able you can only go on genetics.
mum didn’t take HRT & got womb cancer though, so I guess if she had taken it she would’ve blamed the HRT!

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/08/2023 13:05

LovingLalo · 04/08/2023 12:02

@Carpediemmakeitcount unfortunately swimming is not a weight bearing exercise. It's great for your heart and flexibility but will not protect your bones.
Bone density dramatically reduces at 45 onwards.

It's a good starting point and as I mentioned it's marathon not a race. You have to build up your stamina first to then move on to other exercise. If I haven't exercised in a little the first thing I do is gentle exercise before picking up a weight.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/08/2023 13:10

Walkaround · 04/08/2023 12:23

Neither swimming nor cycling help with bone density.

You have to start something light to build your stamina. To go straight into it when your muscles aren't ready you're asking for trouble. My daughter is a chiropractor and my partner is a personal trainer I am well looked after.

LovingLalo · 04/08/2023 13:12

I think you are missing my point @Carpediemmakeitcount if you want to do a gentle exercise AND help your bones then just go for a walk and build up your stamina that way. Include hills etc. Swimming is great but you are not building up bone strength. You would be by even doing a 30min walk.

OP posts:
Loulou599 · 04/08/2023 13:13

I won't take it because I heard hrt can cause breast cancer and I have a lot in my family. Osteoporosis it feels like I can take some measures to minimise the risk of it happening, but breast cancer I can't. So I would prefer to avoid it.
But like with everything to do with women, this is a polarising topic among women. Why is that? I can't really think of an area in life where men have this polarisation among themselves?

Newgirls · 04/08/2023 13:24

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/08/2023 01:13

Apparently a vegan diet helps the menopause but there is a down side not really good for the bones. I am 39 I don't know what my plans are apart from exercise for now. I watched 3 women go through the menopause 1 went through hell and she was on HRT as well and it didn't help the second women jogged her way through it like Forest Gump and the third looked like she weren't even in the world anymore she looked gone I was shocked she has now gone into hiding. All women are different you have to do what works for you and your body.

Apparently women on a vegan diet finish their periods on average 2 years before non-vegans. I’m a big fan of plant based diets but a lot more research needs to happen on pros and cons for later life

ItCANrainallthetime · 04/08/2023 13:27

Madness!
It’s like saying people are cheating who take weight loss remedies through their GP. HRT and weight loss drugs may not be ‘life or death’ drugs like thyroid meds or insulin, but the way they make you feel, can be life or death, especially balancing mental health during menopause!

Smile sweetly and wish her well as you ‘cheat’ the f*ck out of your way to a much calmer and healthier life!

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/08/2023 13:28

LovingLalo · 04/08/2023 13:12

I think you are missing my point @Carpediemmakeitcount if you want to do a gentle exercise AND help your bones then just go for a walk and build up your stamina that way. Include hills etc. Swimming is great but you are not building up bone strength. You would be by even doing a 30min walk.

Some people have mobility issues so swimming or doing water aerobics or aqua jogging it lowers the risk of injury.

EBearhug · 04/08/2023 13:38

Some people have mobility issues so swimming or doing water aerobics or aqua jogging it lowers the risk of injury.

They are good for general fitness, aerobic fitness, and are good if you have joint injuries, because they're not high impact.

But it's ^ they're not high impact that you need to complement them with some weight-bearing exercise if you want to help your bones.

EBearhug · 04/08/2023 13:39

*It's because they're not high impact...

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/08/2023 13:40

Everyone is different we all have our different levels of fitness and health. Any type of exercise that helps you feel better in the mind and body is good for you if you can push yourself gradually to do a bit more then go for it but if not stick to what your body is comfortable with.

Walkaround · 04/08/2023 13:43

Carpediemmakeitcount · 04/08/2023 13:28

Some people have mobility issues so swimming or doing water aerobics or aqua jogging it lowers the risk of injury.

And some people have osteoporosis - over 50% of women over the age of 50. You need to know your own personal risk factors and act accordingly. My familial risk is osteoporosis, there is no family history of breast or endometrial cancer, nor of heart disease or dementia. If I had a different family history, I would probably make a different decision.