Am I a b*tch for feeling less attracted to my fiancé everyday…

[NotGotAClue1]

This sounds really petty but these things are driving me mad and really turning me off him. He drinks a can of pepsi for breakfast every morning and has several more throughout the day. If there is no clean cutlery, he’ll use the handle of a spoon to butter toast or a fork to eat a yoghurt etc. I actually have to tell him to wash his hands before he handles food. He is such a hardworking man but god he can be so slobbish and lazy with other stuff.

It's not the Pepsi or the spoon. You have fallen out of love.

Poor bloke would be better off if you set him free by the sound of it!
If you’re looking for perfection in anyone you are on a path to nowhere and if those really are his only ‘faults’ I think you would be crazy to deprive a child of a happy childhood over it.
We all have to put up with minor and major annoyances in life.
Are you perfect OP?

I use forks to eat yoghurts sometimes. Hope I'm not pol pot.

On a serious note. Maybe this op. When all the little things (okay not little to you or others on here I get it) I think it can indicate a bigger feeling.

Poor guy, feel sorry for him 😞

@Wilkolampshade Do you think he is??

Here's what I think :
he's not "clever" (if we have to use a word that makes him sound like a toddler or a dog), he's not emotionally warm, he doesn't have any great career prospects, he lacks standards, care and attention to detail in everything he does, he half-arses life and most of the time will be found in gray tackies with his hands down the front unless his hands are on the games controller.

OP might say that he's a great dad, family type of guy, funny and they have lots in common and looooove each other.

OP @NotGotAClue1 am I on the right track?

I hope someone has notified the Hague so he can be tried for the awful crime against humanity of drinking Pepsi in the morning! 🙄

I'm "allergic" though to anyone with a can (be it Pepsi, Cider, RedBull, beer or... Kombucha? ). At breakfast, whilst walking or on a train gets bonus points of ick.

Might as well get a Slob tattoo on the forehead to complete the look.

People talking about whether they lock a spoon or not have completely missed the point.

When you get to the point in your relationship when you dislike your partner so much that them licking the spoon gives you the ick, and you make a thread about it, then your relationship is over.

Because you can't stand them, not because they lick the spoon.

I can see the problem but you aren't quite there yet. You think it's about physical things such as pepsi or not washing a knife. It isn't. It's about respect and how he views you as a person.

I actually have to tell him to wash his hands before he handles food. He is such a hardworking man but god he can be so slobbish and lazy with other stuff.

I have spoken to him about these things but he just says to stop nagging and give him a break. I wouldn’t have to nag if he just did it!

told him this morning he can’t do this when our son is older because I don’t want him thinking that it’s normal but he is just dismissive and thinks I’m getting on at him.

You are having to treat him like a child, aka manbaby, because he is behaving like one. He is refusing to grow up and putting this on you. Do not accept being accused of nagging, it's a silencing technique, and will build anger and resentment in you as you will eventually not have a voice.

You both need to improve on your communication so counselling would be the way forward. If he refuses you need to think hard as to whether you want to continue being disrespected in your own house. Your child could end up copying him.

Everyone has bad habits. But trying to get everyone's opinions on whether these ones are objectively bad is a red herring. The OP's focus should be on how they make her feel.

If you love someone, you'll overlook a lot of their bad habits, within reason, and they'll do the same for you. I'm a slattern who eats peanut butter by the spoonful straight out of the jar - DP rolls his eyes but he's not less attracted to me because of it. He never, ever puts lids on things properly - it drives me batty but I don't get any sort of ick from it.

If suboptimal but ultimately innocuous habits turn you off someone (as opposed to just mild annoyance) then your takeaway shouldn't be "these habits are objectively bad" but "I do not love this man any more".

In this case - I find Pepsi and fizzy drinks generally quite repellent but in practice I don't think it would make me like anyone less. I had a housemate with a fizzy drink habit once, I rolled my eyes but she was a lovely girl and still a friend. Eating things with the "wrong" cutlery - I do this all the time. Not washing hands before handling food is objectively disgusting to me. But honesly all of this is so individual.

This worries me because I’m scared it’s true 😔

Everyone has bad habits but if you're at the point where someone drinking Pepsi Max gives you the "ick" then, as PP said, things are pretty doomed.

You're not being unreasonable but sadly, you're already getting/got the Ick. You can't get rid of it once it's set in. It'll just get worse and if you don't split, eventually you'll be plotting murder.

I don't agree with this. I think you should try and salvage the relationship first.

Could you try counselling to get to the bottom of it?
Also do you get any timebto be a couple? There are times I have felt like this about DP but we have now made a conscious effort to spend some time as us and we are far better for it.

Once a month we both take a days annual leave while the kids are in nursery and have a day to ourselves ( date day). Can you do something like this to have some time to reconnect or do you have someone who can babysit?

Then I think if the relationship isn't working reconsider. The early child years are tough so you have my sympathy OP

He sounds rank and I daresay it’s the tip of the iceberg.

Shame you’re already shackled to him.

It’s not normal. Jesus. The bar just gets lower and lower. I need to stay off these boards, the absolute shit and filth women put up with, for what? For the prize of having a man? LOL

Cue 'LTB'😂😂

Op just talk to him about it, openly and honestly. Tell him exactly what you've written here. If you have good communication elsewhere, there's no reason you can't communicate about this. I'm often telling my partner when he's slacking, and I'm plain and clear about the effect that has on my attraction to him. Then he starts to make appropriate changes, because long term relationships take effort.

You're not a 'bi£ch' but you are very silly continuing to be engaged to this man.

Break off the engagement and he will be free to live in Slobsville with someone similar and you can find someone with some self-respect and better hygiene.

Win/win. 🙂